Talking is hard...

You won't be abandoned here, we're all broken, or at least cracked, in some way so there's no doubt you'll find plenty of people here who will stay with you always 🙂

I know the feeling, this is where journaling as helped me a lot,

In my journal I can anticipate the questions that people might ask me when opening up and I don't need to filter anything because it's just a journal,

and also the things I want to talk about and how I want to communicate it always come in intervals, never all at once

Sometimes it helps to read an edited (polite) version of my journals to the person I'm trying to discuss my problems with

I understand. Like another person said, journaling helps so much. I don't talk to people either. I tried talk therapy for so long, but it felt worse to not be able to say what I really wanted to.

When I write I feel like I'm talking and hearing myself with much more clarity.

I'm sorry people have abandoned you. It's not right.

Exactly. We have different waiting times. And for many of us the more difficult a subject is, the longer it takes to get out the words. Many mistakenly take it to mean we just won't talk at all, but that's not always the case.

@Itsjustbrit 🤔what you need too do is make the conserted effort too make free time and sit down with somebody. a friend family who can listen too you and help and give you good advice

If you need time to talk then tell them right on their face, no human can read other mind. No communication = waste of time, getting no communication hurts.
You made your own paradox.

Maybe talking to a therapist would help?
They are not judgmental.

Yes, it is hard, This is when you need a friend.

true friends are there through thick and thin