Struggles & Identity > Mental Issues

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I Have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

No one gives a damn about anyone.
Everyone, people you know, agencies, friends, family.
Everyone always says:
I'm here for you.
Just reach out.
I'm here to listen.
Etc....
Then they completly ignore, and avoid you at all cost when you do reach out.
The only reason they do end up helping/being there for / with anything
Is because...

1. They are getting paied to do so

2. They are getting or wanting to get something out of the situation.

3. They have a audience, that they are trying to look good for.

4. They need to check off their "good deed" for the day/week/month/year.

5. They need something to disscuss, and brag about to theur social circle.

6. They need to do something, so they can post it all over social media. To get patted on the back. The "Look what I did Syndrome"

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taLking5 · 51-55, F

Situationsloth: I am going through a situation now and feel the same way. I have one friend who is only interested in being in dating websites and talking to companion, the other one is dealing with something of her own. But when they needed someone to talk to they came to me and did all their venting and said that they did not have anyone else to talk to but me. When I needed someone to talk to or need someone to vent to now they are not available. It is like no one want to hear me but I always lend an ear. I feel so lost and overwhelmed with the daily stress that is happening in my life today. I am so stressed out and overwhelmed that I feel that I am losing my mind. I hate when others seem so happy like they do not have a problem in the world and I am being so immature in dealing with my problems. I do agree with the list you have especially number 1-They are getting paid to listen to you.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

SituationSloth I going went through something yesterday that has me very upset. I will not go into details. I hear you when you say that people do not want to hear anything you have to say although they say to you, "if you need anyone to talk to come to me and I will listen". It is true that the only reason some people will listen to your problems, if they have a job or whatever reason. It is not because they care and want to be your friend. I feel that I am in this alone. I do understand that other people are going through their own stress in their lives. If I see someone else going through something similar to what I am going thorough or any problem, I would say something.

PhoenixPhail · M

That isn't true. I genuinely care about people.
We can talk. You're welcome to PM me.
I've had PTSD all my life, so I know how it is.

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PhoenixPhail · M

@Jake966 With so much violence in the household that when I was born, I hit the ground running with it. I've never known anything else. This is what therapists have told me.

Jake966 · 56-60, M

@PhoenixPhail you may think about seeing a psychologist

PhoenixPhail · M

@Jake966 The therapists I've seen are psychologists.

Jake966 · 56-60, M

The look what I did syndrome , is that what you are doing now ?

PhoenixPhail · M

You seem so angry.

Mamapolo2016 · F

When we have problems, we tend to believe we are the only one with problems, or at least that our troubles are bigger than others.

Just as most of us would not give our last dime to help another to deal with their troubles, however real and pressing, most will not give more time and attention than we can afford to give. If we gave our last dime, then who would take care of us?

I remember a close friend who suffered severe panic attacks when she was shopping at big stores (Walmart,Kmart, once at Cabelas). Three times in a couple of weeks just before Christmas, she called me (or had somebody else call me) to come and rescue her because she was unable to drive home. Where we both lived was in a remote rural area, and traveling to any of those stores was at least 45 min away.

I went and got her each time. But a day or so after the third time I sat her down and said, “You need to deal with this some other way. This is not a solution. If you need something from one of those stores, let’s plan to go together. Or tell me in advance and I’ll get it for you when I go.”

Our friendship suffered because she felt I’d misled her by saying she could count on me. My opinion was that she was like someone who insists on crawling into a lion’s cage and then screams for help.

She never called me again about anything and when I called her she was terse and distant. I had failed her.

Maybe I did. But maybe she was expecting too much.

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Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Mamapolo2016 Yes ... there's a difference between helping someone get back on their feet (or on their feet for the first time), and becoming the monkey on your back until the end of time. If holding them up brings you down it's an unworkable relationship. A good relationship is where all parties benefit and inspire one another. Even when being another's prop for a lifetime there has to be a bond and commitment that goes beyond just empathy for another human being.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@Mamapolo2016 After reading your comment, it is hard for me to think that you did anything wrong. I know a person who is suffering with Post Traumatic Stress and I have it myself (I will admit) but I am not that bad. I did some research on how to help a loved one who has it real bad to the point that they need support from talking with someone, they are dealing with situations from years ago when they were younger and they knew had died months ago.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@taLking5 I don't suppose I'll ever know. Thank you.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

As the saying goes: "Any port in a storm."

My take on paid help agencies is that their motivation is a blend of both paycheck and care. If it's just a paycheck they quickly move on to do something else. If it's all about caring, it's easier to care without having to put up with agencies who sign the paycheck :)

Here's a twist: Ask someone what you can do for them? How can you help them? What do they need? It's a quick way to lose your own sense of neediness. Make it a 2 way street.

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DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@SituationalSloth honestly your experience sounds just like mine. I just stopped trying and accepted the fact that I can only depend on myself from now on.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@SituationalSloth

I can well validate your experiences. I've worked in and around enough government help agencies, and enough outreach groups to see their "mission" as often being secondary to personal interests.

:) drive through the parking lot of practically any government agency at 2 p.m. on a Friday afternoon to see how few staff employees didn't get an early start for the weekend.

But then again, given the chance to clip a Friday short, I would likewise be tempted :)

Per the "any port in a storm" reference, the personal dedication of the emergency room staff isn't always as important as their ability to help me ... to properly diagnose and treat me when I get wheeled into their emergency room. For me, it's emotionally soothing enough to realize that when they launched their careers, they were likely motivated by compassion; and in reality, I would hope that neither their emotions nor their personal interests would interfere with their clear thinking and attentive skill as they treat me.

Likewise for agencies and organizations that are there to help people, and friends, etc.

For me, it helps overcome that "being ignored" feeling by meeting people on an equal level at the moment. Just like a good waitress, waiter, flight attendant, or doorman (or woman) at a good hotel knows how to tap into an otherwise impersonal meeting and turn it personal. A good font-end exchange will hopefully help us both see one another as friendly and non-threatening human. To keep in practice I do so with counter staff, cashiers at the supermarket, etc. Heck, on my last doctor visit I think I learned more about him than he learned about me.

SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

@DearAmbellina2113 it's a harsh, and hurtful reality

SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

@Mamapolo2016 I totally see your point of view. You set fantastic boundaries by the way. Kudos!
However In my situation. I do not believe, nor do I claim that my problems are more important, or more serious than anyone others.
I am simply stating facts from my own experiences. Which 98% of the time have been completly unhelpful, and faulty. I am speaking of so called friends, medical personnel, mental health workers, family members, church family, crisis workers. I know many people are not going to believe that I have been harrased, let down, ignored, shuned, abused more, among so much more. By these people I listed. It's a everyday struggle.
I myself have a genuine heart I feel. I strongly believe my heart was created to love. I do listen to people regularly. And would do so for anyone here. I just don't understand why i can not seem to find anyone else willing to do the same. I'm not looking for a savior, or someone to rescue me all the time like your friends situation. I just need someone to be present. To listen. To be in the moment with me. To validate the unvalidated, and so on. Never in my entire life have I been herd, seen, protected or anything. Yes, my entire life. I can't grow though if everything is just stuffed inside. Yes, I have a boatload of coping skills. They are not always helpful.

TexChik · F

Aww I'm so sorry. You do need people there because they care about you , even if you don't want to talk to them. Them just being there makes things better. I have been dealing with it for 25 years. It can be horrible. Have you found a way to constructively vent? I mean without killing someone or breaking stuff?

SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

@TexChik I have coping skills.
They don't always work. And many times i am so overwhelmed with feeling. Stress and anxiety. I can't deal. This is where self injury and risky behavior comes in

TexChik · F

@SituationalSloth yep . My adoptive father was a retired marine officer and even at 11 years old I had such horrible rage . He taught me to vent it through martial arts and intense work outs . It helps .👍🏻

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

Every word is true.

My therapist once said he would "shed a tear" if I hurt myself. 🙄 Bullshit, he was being paid to do a job, that's as far as it goes.

And NONE of my family gives a shit about me, unless helping me directly benefits THEM in some way.

People are fake, selfish, and opportunistic.

JupiterDreams · 31-35

Pretty much. Humans are crap to each other.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

:) BTW, today we are celebrating the life of Valerie Harper. I believe she had a famous scene about being ignored. They showed a clip on one of the Sunday morning TV programs (CBS Sunday Morning?)

I'll try to find it on YouTube. It was a great capture with a line like "Hello, I'm the other person in the room here."

kayoshin · 41-45, M

I dare you to find an example of any sane individual, including you, doing something that doesn't fit in any of the 6 things you said. :))
Perhaps you should focus less on motivation and accept the ones that want to help in spite of what they might get out of it. It's wiser to eat half a cookie while your friend eats 2, than to say no cookie for anyone because it's not fairly shared.

SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

True.
Those people are not even around anymore. I'm left with my controling,abusive, manipulating, narssacistic mother

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SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

@BridgeOvertroubledWaters No

BridgeOvertroubledWaters · 61-69, M

@SituationalSloth what was your PTSD caused by ?

SituationalSloth · 36-40, F

@BridgeOvertroubledWaters Life long physical & sexual abuse

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