I Have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

No one gives a damn about anyone.
Everyone, people you know, agencies, friends, family.
Everyone always says:
I'm here for you.
Just reach out.
I'm here to listen.
Etc....
Then they completly ignore, and avoid you at all cost when you do reach out.
The only reason they do end up helping/being there for / with anything
Is because...

1. They are getting paied to do so

2. They are getting or wanting to get something out of the situation.

3. They have a audience, that they are trying to look good for.

4. They need to check off their "good deed" for the day/week/month/year.

5. They need something to disscuss, and brag about to theur social circle.

6. They need to do something, so they can post it all over social media. To get patted on the back. The "Look what I did Syndrome"

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Mamapolo2016 · F

When we have problems, we tend to believe we are the only one with problems, or at least that our troubles are bigger than others.

Just as most of us would not give our last dime to help another to deal with their troubles, however real and pressing, most will not give more time and attention than we can afford to give. If we gave our last dime, then who would take care of us?

I remember a close friend who suffered severe panic attacks when she was shopping at big stores (Walmart,Kmart, once at Cabelas). Three times in a couple of weeks just before Christmas, she called me (or had somebody else call me) to come and rescue her because she was unable to drive home. Where we both lived was in a remote rural area, and traveling to any of those stores was at least 45 min away.

I went and got her each time. But a day or so after the third time I sat her down and said, “You need to deal with this some other way. This is not a solution. If you need something from one of those stores, let’s plan to go together. Or tell me in advance and I’ll get it for you when I go.”

Our friendship suffered because she felt I’d misled her by saying she could count on me. My opinion was that she was like someone who insists on crawling into a lion’s cage and then screams for help.

She never called me again about anything and when I called her she was terse and distant. I had failed her.

Maybe I did. But maybe she was expecting too much.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Mamapolo2016 Could it be that your friend had been embarrassed about her neediness and lack of power over her sense of panic? And that she had a string of abandonments before you? And her learned escape was to crawl back into her shell at the hint of your suggesting an alternative way?

I'm indirectly living through a very similar experience where someone steps in to help a friend in trouble and becomes that person's lifeline, family manager, money manager, next meal provider, etc.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@Heartlander Yes. It’s hard to know what to do. Give a man a fish or help him learn to fish?

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Mamapolo2016 Yes ... there's a difference between helping someone get back on their feet (or on their feet for the first time), and becoming the monkey on your back until the end of time. If holding them up brings you down it's an unworkable relationship. A good relationship is where all parties benefit and inspire one another. Even when being another's prop for a lifetime there has to be a bond and commitment that goes beyond just empathy for another human being.

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@Mamapolo2016 After reading your comment, it is hard for me to think that you did anything wrong. I know a person who is suffering with Post Traumatic Stress and I have it myself (I will admit) but I am not that bad. I did some research on how to help a loved one who has it real bad to the point that they need support from talking with someone, they are dealing with situations from years ago when they were younger and they knew had died months ago.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@taLking5 I don't suppose I'll ever know. Thank you.