It's in times like these that you need to find the strength to have faith and move forward. I can only speak for myself that I prayed to God to turn my situation around and he did. He has blessed me in more ways than I could ever imagine. And I hope that I did not offend you by saying that.

Depression is real. I don't care what anyone says or tries to categorize it as. it's a real thing, and those of us that deal with it, deal with it differently. it's frustrating as hell and some days the worst feeling in the world because it's like both your body and mind shut down. your spirit is still alive but you're a "disabled machine" that can't function. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. it's a pain the ass. I fear the same loneliness. even with a daughter.

I don't find happiness in career either. I've never liked any job I've ever had.
Working on cultivating relationships but that seems difficult as well

I am sorry to hear this. Do not dispare though. You are not alone. I have suffered depression for most of my adult life. I know what you are going through. Take one day at a time. Dont worry about tomorrow. Focus on today.

I used to be afraid of growing old and bitter, but I found that as I adjusted to my new life with bipolar, there were rewards to be found as well as difficulties. Now that I'm retired, I have much more peace about the diagnosis. Dealing with people's prejudice against mental illness is another thing though... I've come to a place of acceptance (not approval).

I wish I had a solution for you. I will probably always be depressed also. I have cut all ties with aunts uncles cousins and such. They only came around when they wanted something to benefit themselves. My awesome father died in 2014. My sister has been missing since 2005. My mother disowned all of us when I was very young. But what I do have is our Lord, my two awesome adult kids and a job I love. Probably because my co-workers have become my family. Things are better than they have been but never perfect. And as for the depression... I just had to sorta go numb to it and raise my head high and do what I must do. Make the best of it. We live in a effed up world now where people don't care about anyone else except themselves. My heart and prayers are with you.

[i]For the garden is the only place there is, but you will not find it
Until you have looked for it everywhere and found nowhere that is not a desert[/i]

(Auden)

I think depression, which I have known and know, can prove to be the catalyst of finding the garden. It can reveal the superficiality of so many of our hopes and possessions. Looking back I would not like to take two years of clinically diagnosed depression out of my life - its meaning and consequences have continued to morph. Sometimes now I'm surprised by joy. Surprised because I simply stumble along with little expectation or plan. When the joy comes it is known purely as gift.

Stay strong. Have faith and trust that all will be well. Be grateful for what you do have.

Yes. But that's what keeps me going. The effort to keep trying to change things. Things may not work out. But the effort will help us die comfortable and guilt free. The effort is the achievement. That's all.

Don't feel so bad. I just turned 58,oi am on ssd, basically I have no marketable skills, and I have no savings.

I’m sorry that’s how things are going. Fulfillment from work is hard to come by in my experience too. This pandemic has put a damper on everything it seems and it’s hard to shake. I can’t enjoy anything as much as I used to, but the good days really stand out. I hope it helps for you to write your thoughts on here. I’ll keep reading and responding.

Set goals, you can turn it around, what do you enjoy doing? ✨

Sounds familiar 😔

I feel you.

What do you have?

I did 9 years of Uni and now work in an area I love

Uni had NO part of what I do now. My qualifications for my 2 part time jobs took me 16 weeks & 28 weeks at TAFE ( Technical and Further Education ).

When it comes to personal life, I've learn to handle being single