Self Harm Thoughts

I’m having the urge to self harm a lot this afternoon. I picked up the knife but instead of cutting, I listened to my music and did my makeup instead.

I am worried about the fact that one day in the near future I actually will do it. Which would send me back to the psyche ward. But I can’t afford to go back to the psychiatric hospital. So i’m just here at home. Hoping one day I never cut.