I Am Unhappily Married and Depressed Over It

Hello everyone my name is Janet I am the proud mother of two beautiful daughters and the grandmother of six wonderful grandchildren. I work hard to pay my bills. I feel like I am a good person. I care about other people's happiness and I am unhappily married. I endure so much mental abuse that I cry myself to sleep. Right now my husband isn't speaking to me because I bought Pepsi and he wanted water for this he hasn't spoken to me for almost three days. I want to leave him but the guilt is stopping me. He is 26 years older then me and has no one. He hates children including our own and our own grandchildren. He hates animals and I believe he doesn't love me. I am sad and lonely.

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BridgeOvertroubledWaters · 61-69, M

He may not have anyone but from what you're telling he doesn't seem to want you either , unless he needs you as an object to abuse ... so why feel sorry for him and stay with him ?

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rckt148 · 61-69, M

@Feelingblue Yea I was there 15 yrs myself .except mine was an addict and I feared what she might do to herself if I made her leave
She talked me into having a child with her ,that was suppose to give her a purpose I guess I wasn't ,,she neglected him too
I let a woman who loved me deeply get away because I was scared ..
our son ,her threats of suicide
but after I lost the one that did care for me she just got worse and I was a basket case
So I told her rehab or get out ,,she got out
But by waiting ,not willing to hurt anyone ,,I hurt everyone
She got off drugs but she is still a drunk ,but she holds off with the parties until our son is with me on weekends ,,though he see's her passed out way to often ,
The one I love ,,I fell for her when I had to get someone to help me with my dying Mom my sons Mom refused
So she took care of me and my son and Mom ,,and I let her get away
She now has 2 kids by another man ,and she is not happy and wants to come back
So you have to think of you ,,I would show him I am serious
If you don't have a job,get one
look into places that will help you become self reliant ,,get on waiting lists now ,,
Then do it ,,if he loves you ,he will wake up
if not then you have wasted enough time
Nothing is worse then feeling like you are in prison in you're own home

Feelingblue · 51-55, F

@rckt148 Oh my I am so sorry those hurtful things happened to you. My heart goes out to you. I have a job I have been there for thirteen years. Both my daughters want me to leave him. They say I can live with them. Believe me I would love to but it would mean I would have to change everything in my life,

rckt148 · 61-69, M

@Feelingblue When my second wife left I was disabled
I was a rock star no longer able to stand to do concerts
I could barely use my right arm so I was loosing my business
I just paid my second home off and I was only 34
we owned everything ,but a spur in my shoulder was costing me everything
I had already had major back surgery ,,this is my 3rd major loss the one I spoke of where the one I loved got away ,that was the 3rd one I thought was my soul mate that I lost ..I have been through a lot of women ,,but the ones I am talking about here are woman I married or supported for Long Periods of time ..
My first wife took my kids and hid them from me for 12 yrs ,I was only 23
married my second wife at 26 ,she left me at 34
I supported my sons Mom for 15 yrs ,,since she was 18 ,she came from an abusive family ,was raped by one of her Dads friends ,I helped her Mom go to college ,when Mom went back to Dad she stayed ,sort of forced her way into my life ,,the second one people accused me of having 2 wives ,but she was thrown out in the rain the week after her man was killed ,so I took her in
We all lived under my roof until my Mom took ill ,then we all moved into a tiny room for 14 months ,,3 adults and a baby
That is when I fell in love with the last one to live with me
My sons Mom had been an addict 4 yrs at that point ,,the one I still love seen I was at my whits end and asked me to kick my sons Mom out and marry her
as I said I was scared ,what would become of my son ?
So when I wouldn't just toss her out ,the one I loved left ,that was 8 yrs ago Nov 9th and I still love her ,,I didn't make my sons Mom move until 7 yrs ago July 4th ,she took our son from me (kidnapped him 6 yrs ago this Christmas ) so to say my life was complicated
Mom said I was a miracle worker ,,I had 3 woman under the same roof getting along and I trained a Chihuahua to mind and my son who was 4 was the best behaved kid around ,and very respectful at 4
But it was hell .I went into seclusion for 2 yrs ,,my kid brought me food and paid my bills for me and I just sit here wanting to die
Then 6 yrs ago I gave my life to Christ ,this time for real ,not half assed
and He pulled my family back together ,my 4 kids and 6 grandkids
My kids are my world and my Grandkids respect me like I am their Dad
my son in laws love me and ask my advice and for my help
I am fine without a woman ,,but I am thinking of letting the one I love come home ,,or move into my new home with me
I just bought a house with my youngest Daughter ,that is how much my kids love me ,,and they are all for whatever I do
Its a big home and plenty of room for 3 more
If thats what God allows ,,I don't do anything now without asking Him first
I have been hurt and screwed up enough ,,I love my life now
I am not letting anyone turn it upside down ,,sometimes starting over is the most scary thing there is ,but it can also be liberating
Rebuilding ,but this time worrying about you
Not someone that no longer needs or wants you
they just don't want anyone else to have you

Cofuzion · F

You don't need that, the mental abuse is something I'm familiar with. Mine would abuse the crap out of me and then start to be loving. His sorry always portrays me as the villain. The decision to leave is yours but I know it's difficult.

Feelingblue · 51-55, F

@Cofuzion That's what my husband does too. I know it is thank you

Roadsterrider · 56-60, M

I think some people are just mean and choose to remain that way. I understand where you are coming from, I have been miserable for the last 10 years. Not really crazy about divorce, not really crazy about FWBs but I have had them. I don't have sex with my wife by her choice, no reason other than she isn't interested in it. We don't talk, she never has anything to say unless it is something negative about work or the house or her car or that I was working when she needed help with something. I am expected to produce the paycheck and keep paying the bills for a roommate that doesn't act like she likes me at all, nothing is ever good enough. She can't financially make it on her own at this time, in a few years, everything we have financed will be free and clear and that is when I am leaving. She can keep the house and everything in it, I already have a home I inherited that is free and clear, I will start over again. I am 53, I figure I have at least another 20 or so years before they throw me in the box, I am not going to be miserable for the remainder of what I have left. Anyone 26 years older or not should realize they have a need for others in their life, nobody wants to put up with abuse. What do you have to feel guilty about? If he is pushing you away, let him push. I would say to have a discussion about it and let him know what he is doing and what the result is going to be, but he is making his own bed, he is going to have to lie in it.

SW-User

Study what he does, and do the same to him, but for better reasons, for example teaching a lesson .... talk with a friend with these issues too.

Beatbox34 · 31-35, M

I'm genuinely sorry to hear that you have to deal with all of this 😔

Feelingblue · 51-55, F

@Beatbox34 Thank you very much

Houdini · 56-60, M

You need to get away from him now as this will only get worse for you.

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