I Battle Depression

Ugh... I hate to admit it, but it's back.

I've been doing so good now, for nearly two years, but after the traumatizing ending of my last relationship, I'm left terrified, anxious, and just "low" in general. It's not that I want him back. I definitely don't want that. Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten up.

I'm not even sure why I'm feeling depressed right now. Maybe because I blame myself for everything that happened? Allowing him to do the things he did to me?... Maybe because everything's different now and I have to rebuild who I am... Maybe it's because I'm realizing that I have like zero friends...

I don't know. I feel like I'm going to puke though. Everything hurts. My brain, my chest. There's just these enormous amount of pressure in the center of my chest. It hurts to breathe.

My legs are weak and my hands are shaky. My thoughts are racing and I just feel this overwhelming since of sadness inside me.

If anyone has any tips or words of support, please message me or reply here. I'm feeling really alone right now. It's 3:30am, tried texting a few of my friends, but all of them are asleep.

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UnrealSpectre

I can so relate to the feeling behind this post. And the weird thing is the time. 3.30 am. That was my time I as well. I would stay up late and then around this time I would get a sudden wave of depression. Sometimes I would end up in tears. This was before I became consistent in taking my meds and worked out that though I hated sleep, I needed to sleep by this time. And reduce my processed sugar intake too. These are the two things I stupidly let affect my mood swings back then. I would drink a lot of soda, and then push myself further in to sleep deprivation. Result was that wave of unbearable loneliness and crushing despair which came over me every night, during that time. I have borderline personality disorder and ADHD, btw.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

Oh wow. Well, glad to know you got a handle on it. Makes me feel more hopeful about my situation. I think I've got a PTSD thing manifesting here, and I've taken medication in the past, but I'm really trying to work on my coping skills so that I don't have to take them for the rest of my life... if things don't work out or get too serious I'll get back on the meds tho.

UnrealSpectre

That's good. I'm an advocate of whatever works. Each person's psyche handles things differently. But this post brought back a lot of memories. Sitting up at night, desperately trying to get rid of the intense loneliness. Looking for someone to talk to, and feeling hopeless and pathetic when I would realize most of the people I talked to weren't available and/or had other things to do. Sigh. Anyway, if you'r ever stuck in that zone and can't find anyone to talk to, feel free to message me. I try to check EP for messages regularly. I wouldn't wish that sadness I felt on anyone. Just talking to someone helps sometimes.

RoronoaZoro123

Mine goes away and comes back on like a weekly basis. At the beginning of the week I feel like crap and dont wanna do anything, the closer it gets to friday I feel a bit better. Then it starts over again and I just feel empty and wanna just stay in bed.

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wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

Lol. Oh okay. Just wanted to try to help you pinpoint the cause, but sounds like you got that part figured out.

RoronoaZoro123

I do, thank you though.

RoronoaZoro123

If u want to talk to me about yours u can pm or whatevs

RoIIingStone

Yeah I feel the same way everyday. I get the pain in my stomach. I feel like being rude to everyone and I feel like people hate me. It's shitty but I've got to stay positive.

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RoIIingStone

The best thing is to laugh at yourself and find things to laugh at. Try to find the humor in your life. Watch funny comedies, stand up, and whatever you can.

Also try to listen to music and discover new music. Go on YouTube and explore.

Also try and find people who relate to your problems. It's the one thing that's makes me feel like I'm going to make it. If someone else has gone through what I've gone through, it gives me hope.

RoIIingStone

If you need someone to relate to you can definitely inbox me whenever you want.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

Thanks so much :)

BlueJinx

They say depression is anger bottled up inside. Letting it out as much as possible will help. I scribble out my feelings in my journal, punch my pillow, or vent with people who're going through similar things.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

Mine doesn't feel angry at the moment, but it can at times. Right now I'm struggling with the hopeless/sad side of it. I don't even have enough energy to punch a pillow right now, but I agree with the journaling part. That's definitely helped.

KevinConfused

My wife takes a baseball bat to the doors, to the TV's, to my guitars. Throws my professional wireless headphones and microphones into the bathtub.

BadAppleBadSeed

yea iv been more suicidal then ever lately.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

What have you been doing about that? Have to told your friends/family about it or do you see a therapist?

BadAppleBadSeed

I told you. I have no therapist.

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