I Battle Depression

Ugh... I hate to admit it, but it's back.

I've been doing so good now, for nearly two years, but after the traumatizing ending of my last relationship, I'm left terrified, anxious, and just "low" in general. It's not that I want him back. I definitely don't want that. Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten up.

I'm not even sure why I'm feeling depressed right now. Maybe because I blame myself for everything that happened? Allowing him to do the things he did to me?... Maybe because everything's different now and I have to rebuild who I am... Maybe it's because I'm realizing that I have like zero friends...

I don't know. I feel like I'm going to puke though. Everything hurts. My brain, my chest. There's just these enormous amount of pressure in the center of my chest. It hurts to breathe.

My legs are weak and my hands are shaky. My thoughts are racing and I just feel this overwhelming since of sadness inside me.

If anyone has any tips or words of support, please message me or reply here. I'm feeling really alone right now. It's 3:30am, tried texting a few of my friends, but all of them are asleep.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

UnrealSpectre

I can so relate to the feeling behind this post. And the weird thing is the time. 3.30 am. That was my time I as well. I would stay up late and then around this time I would get a sudden wave of depression. Sometimes I would end up in tears. This was before I became consistent in taking my meds and worked out that though I hated sleep, I needed to sleep by this time. And reduce my processed sugar intake too. These are the two things I stupidly let affect my mood swings back then. I would drink a lot of soda, and then push myself further in to sleep deprivation. Result was that wave of unbearable loneliness and crushing despair which came over me every night, during that time. I have borderline personality disorder and ADHD, btw.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

Oh wow. Well, glad to know you got a handle on it. Makes me feel more hopeful about my situation. I think I've got a PTSD thing manifesting here, and I've taken medication in the past, but I'm really trying to work on my coping skills so that I don't have to take them for the rest of my life... if things don't work out or get too serious I'll get back on the meds tho.

UnrealSpectre

That's good. I'm an advocate of whatever works. Each person's psyche handles things differently. But this post brought back a lot of memories. Sitting up at night, desperately trying to get rid of the intense loneliness. Looking for someone to talk to, and feeling hopeless and pathetic when I would realize most of the people I talked to weren't available and/or had other things to do. Sigh. Anyway, if you'r ever stuck in that zone and can't find anyone to talk to, feel free to message me. I try to check EP for messages regularly. I wouldn't wish that sadness I felt on anyone. Just talking to someone helps sometimes.