How do you handle it when a loved one has dementia, and is verbally abusive?

Live with it accept it hurts but in my case she was my mother!!

Compassion normally seeps through

Wel I don't have experience of dementia but I do have an autistic son who can be both physically and verbally abusive when he gets dysregulated so I guess it's relevant experience.

You have to understand it's not personal, it's the condition talking and do whatever you can to remain calm. It's incredibly challenging sometimes. Getting support from the wider family and any professionals helps as well as prioritising lots of self care/time to recharge emotionally and physically. It's not selfish, you can't keep caring for others adequately if you get burnt out.

My mom has dementia, and it’s definitely challenging. She lives with us, but I have to find a better arrangement for her soon. She has always been a difficult person, and we’ve never really gotten along well. We’re like oil and water. The dementia has made that worse in some ways, but at times, she’s nicer to me than she’s ever been. It’s strange to witness.

I lost my mom to dementia. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced and I'll never be the same.

You just have to not let it hurt. There's no logical way to handle dementia. Closer to the end I would try to help her out of the terrors. Like make believe play with a child. But nothing you do is right.

That’s very, very difficult. I lost my mother to dementia and it was losing her before she actually passed away. She wasn’t exactly abusive but we had been so close and some days she didn’t know me. It broke all our hearts.

We handled it by being especially kind to her, and when she was mistaken about things and got our names wrong, we tried not to correct her; it stressed her out.

She didn’t linger and was gone within a couple of years from when she first began showing symptoms. I miss her terribly, but my only consolation is that I know she hated what was happening to her once really sharp mind and was ready to go once that had taken hold. 😞

I've dealt with this, and didn't handle it the best I could. My dad was hallucinating, and would get irate when something of no consequence wouldn't happen, he'd wave at a doll we got pinned on the wall, and was telling me untrue things like being beaten up by Police. I called his doctor a few times, which ultimately got him into the nursing home he's currently residing in.

T'ain't easy, McGee. (You kids can Google it.)

And it is not just full blown dementia either. I have found, as I have buried more and more relatives, that even those without a dementia diagnosis tend to get angry and verbally abusive. It isn't just a phased in the grieving cycle; it is part of the dying cycle too, imho. And I find myself having a quick temper -- out of normal character -- these days, cursing and yelling over the inability to do tasks that used to be very simple. Fortunately, so far, only the cats have had to endure it and they have been amazingly concerned and supportive, totally out of sync with their feline natures.

With my late parents, late wife, late subsequent partner, I always tried to remember my mother yelling "pacienca" at me growing up: put on a happy face, pretend you didn't hear it, joke about it if you think the situation appropriate because they, themselves, are probably embarrassed by the uncontrollable anger they are feeling about their diminished capacity.

Is there any other family member or do they have a care taker that can help ? Take many breaks and talk to someone...not on sw ...a therapist

You've just got to keep giving your all and remember it's the dementia that's making them act that way not the person you love.

That's a tough one. I think we'd all rally around them together as a family. It'd be real tough handling something like this on your own. Combatting it wouldn't end well so it's mostly grounding techniques for them and making sure you have something for yourself to decompress and avoid burnout

idk its a difficult situation tho i presume they were also abusive before this as well? or only after when they failed to recognize you?

i guess just try to be understanding but wary of their wrath 😒

I dont know if there's a good way to handle it.

It's hard and heart wrenchingly painful to feel the love and commitment and get shit in return. Your commitment is to the memories and your own integrity.

Important to know is that they don't mean it, if only because they aren't capable of that level of meaning anymore. Small comfort though.

Hang in there. Stay true to who you are. You are doing important work for them, but also for yourself and how you see yourself long after this is over.

With a lot of adapting. Remember they can’t help it

You remember its the dementia. Not them. And you forgive and forget..😷

:)