Spiraling out of control

My mental health is very fking far from okay. My job just changed everything around, and ultimately it has created twice the work for the same pay. Yesterday was the first day this new system was put into effect, and by the time I went home, I was upset, a nervous wreck, and on the verge of a breakdown.

I've been drinking too much to calm myself down, but of course we all know what kind of worse damage that causes, and for me, it always ends up with me and bf arguing. We argued last night but both of us were at least mature enough to table the discussion until later today when we DON'T have to be awake for work at 4 am.

I've been cu/tting myself again. Something I haven't done in years. I'm taking my meds as prescribed, but they're not helping right now. I have a psych appointment Monday, but I'm not looking forward to it because she's just gonna make me feel like sh/it for not having scheduled some bloodwork already, or met with a nutritionist. Well how can I do that when I'm using 100% of my energy just to go to work and then come home and keep my house in order???

I'm exhausted and burned out and just want to lie in bed and cry for days.

SW-User

Try to find a way that places you first. It is okay to walk away from a job that takes you for granted and puts undeserving duress onto you. Employers often need a wake-up call, but sadly that means you will find yourself the one losing employment.

Self-medication often just hurts you more, but it's the one there for when you need it, always.

Try to find a way to talk with your bf that doesn't add onto your stress... I say that, while I will also say he needs to accept you and be there for you while you are going through this.

Let out that cry and tell the world this is not okay.

Samek · 36-40, M

Something has to change. This will continue to get worse. Based off what I have seen, I advise a decent size vacation at minimum or a change in employment/career.

When I was in a similar state years ago, I was pushed by my peers to seek mental help and the personal/group therapy really helped.

Sapio · 51-55, M

I agree with the others who have commented here. Something has to change. But change can be so difficult. So much so that it's easier said than done.

Please look after yourself and look at some measures for harm reduction. Also remember that when we feel we're at our weakest. We can draw strength that we never knew we had inside us.

I hope that you have a support system close by. But know we are here for you.