Spiraling out of control

My mental health is very fking far from okay. My job just changed everything around, and ultimately it has created twice the work for the same pay. Yesterday was the first day this new system was put into effect, and by the time I went home, I was upset, a nervous wreck, and on the verge of a breakdown.

I've been drinking too much to calm myself down, but of course we all know what kind of worse damage that causes, and for me, it always ends up with me and bf arguing. We argued last night but both of us were at least mature enough to table the discussion until later today when we DON'T have to be awake for work at 4 am.

I've been cu/tting myself again. Something I haven't done in years. I'm taking my meds as prescribed, but they're not helping right now. I have a psych appointment Monday, but I'm not looking forward to it because she's just gonna make me feel like sh/it for not having scheduled some bloodwork already, or met with a nutritionist. Well how can I do that when I'm using 100% of my energy just to go to work and then come home and keep my house in order???

I'm exhausted and burned out and just want to lie in bed and cry for days.