Struggles & Identity

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I feel like I'm going crazy

I told a female friend that I thought I was ugly, and she was (and still is) insistent that I am in fact good looking. I asked a couple of other female friends if that was true and they said yes. Apparently I also have beautiful eyes. It just really confuses me because I've kind of just assumed my ugliness due to getting rejected so much. I have a lot to think about... like wtf is wrong with me then?! XD

Sorry, I know there's no reason for anyone to want to read this. A heavily ingrained aspect of how I see myself being challenged is throwing me off.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

Many of us are our own worst enemy - especially when it comes to feeling ABLE to attract someone, when it comes to physical looks.

I propose you continue this conversation with your woman friend..."then what am I doing wrong?"

Might change your life!

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Mamapolo2016 I feel like that one line is all anyone is noticing. This post is just me reflecting on/venting about having a core belief challenged.

Mamapolo2016 · F

@KiwiDan I do understand that feeling. Sorry if I overstepped.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Mamapolo2016 It's fine. Normally for non-serious stuff like that question I'd put XD after it to indicate it's closer to a joke, but apparently forgot this time.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

Yes! Negative Core belief challenged! 🥳

I get friends hitting my negative core beliefs upside the head sometimes too. It's a good thing, even if I'm left 🤯😱😳

I'd love to see you be more self-confident one day, because I think you have more inner strength then you show to people. You are also kind and empathetic. And those qualities all in combination are pretty amazing. And I think you have that potential.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Scribbles I've found that most people think of me that way too, once they get to know me. But most people don't really want to know in the first place, presumably because of what I look like.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@KiwiDan That's because people generally don't want to get to know anybody new...unless you actually hit it off based on something in common and enjoy conversations together and learning more and more about each other. Which is pretty rare. Being more an introvert, I can admit that sometimes conversation can be difficult at times, unless I'm faking being bubbly and sociable. I always find it easier to go do activities with someone then talk. Doing things is more a strength to me then someone looking at me and having to keep up conversation.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@KiwiDan in conclusion, you're cool. Keep being you. :)

Pfuzylogic · M

I have seen you post for many years here. Many times you do lack self confidence but you aren’t alone.
Find a strength that you do have and it doesn’t have to be your good looks but something you are either talented or gifted in. That strength can be the foundation of your self confidence and that will always attract the ladies.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Pfuzylogic I'm slowly working at that. Progress is glacial (sometimes even regression), but it is getting better little by little.

Pfuzylogic · M

@KiwiDan Women are attracted to strength especially in a potential spouse. It doesn’t have to be physical strength but that can also be an asset that attracts.
You got this!

Scribbles · 36-40, F

So it's been a few days...you feeling handsome yet?

I say that knowing my own struggles with feeling beautiful. It's tough. I rarely feel average at best, even if someone compliments me.
And I know that it's not easy to develop self confidence and a positive self image when it comes to beauty.

I"m hoping that you are doing alright. :)

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Scribbles I don't feel completely ugly any more (although that was a conclusion I'd managed to rationalise my way into), but I do still feel like being fat might as well be the same thing.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

@KiwiDan Some people don't see size as ugly. I know people of all shapes and sizes. I love them all and see them as beautiful.

SW-User

in other words: you are handsome. Deal with it!

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@SW-User I'd like to, but I've managed to reason myself into the belief that I'm ugly because of so many years of rejection, so it's going to take a while to fully sink in.

SW-User

@KiwiDan getting compliments make the whole thing a lot easier. However, letr past where it belongs: in your past.

understand you can do much better with your present version. Build up your future on what you are today. good luck!

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

What you should ask your female friends is if you're so good looking, how come they only want you as a friend and haven't flirted with you?

They can't sugar coat that answer as well as the first one.

My guess is you're overweight /obese which is a turn off for many.

Getting rejected is every general single man's every day life. Unless you look like an Instagram model.

Just spilling some harsh truths that can help you in the long run.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Queendragonfly I don't care. This post was me reflecting on/venting about a core belief being challenged.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@KiwiDan "Wtf is wrong with me then!?" sounded like you asked for input.

But I'll leave you to it.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Queendragonfly Sorry, that was meant as something rhetorical and not serious. Normally I put XD after non-serious stuff but seem to have forgotten this time.

Desertteddesert · 26-30, M

Take a stand for yourself everywhere u go it's about confidence that makes you good looking or bad looking

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Desertteddesert I've yet to get there, but it's definitely something I'm trying to work on.

Desertteddesert · 26-30, M

And ppl will think differently all the time I mean how much does it rlly matter to you

SamInAZ · 41-45, M

Look @ yourself in the mirror. If you see something you need to work on...work on it. You look a little bit on the chubby side. That can change if you really want it to & put the effort in. You'll gain more confidence the more fit you get & these kinds of concerns will become a thing of the past for you.
Plus, you'll just feel better as a whole.

Hope that helps.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@SamInAZ This post was just me reflecting on/venting about having one of my core beliefs challenged.

SamInAZ · 41-45, M

@KiwiDan ok.

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