dating a heavy drinker

First of all , i encourage anyone to message me if they have any problems theyd like to talk about !

I was talking to this one guy i met , for 4 months now , we clicked really fast and things were going well expect for the fact that we live really far away , and that would be the biggest issue in our relationship, but we had plans for the future that gave me some hope But , overtime i realized that hes an absolutely alcoholic ( 20-40 shots of vodka a week , in 1-2 sittings ) his body is so used to it that he doesnt even feel hangover or anything . Hes been drinkin for years now and he also has anger issues ( punching walls or yelling at people ) and recently i realized that - because of my past experiences and trauma , the drinking might be a big problem in our relationship . I need peace and quet , safety - in a relationship. I tried helping him out but he doesnt want that , he was always really sweet , weird in a good way and we had things to talk about , i thought he was worth it. i loved the way he looked at me on our videocalls and out of no where , yesterday he decided that he wants to push me away and get some ‘him time’ to read , train and drink . Realizing that he wants to choose vodka over me - someone who really tried to be there for him and possibly maybe love him - messed with my head so much . What do you think?

LeGrotesque · 41-45, F

I have had some similar struggles with my bf. I love him to death, but he is admittedly a functional alcoholic. He has similar anger issues (but has never hit me) and he does place alcohol high on his priority list.

We have had a few rough arguments because of his alcohol-induced mood swings, but thankfully he is MOSTLY still a productive human who works, cares for his child, and still maintains relationships with his family and friends.

I guess I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted you to know you're not alone. 😔

lolabunny18 · 22-25, F

@LeGrotesque Thank you for this :) and your time to write it . Yeah he is a productive human and not violent towards me in any way too , but were also young adults ( 19-20 ) and to sit around and wonder if he ll get to that point in the future - scares me , cuz he could. Easily . I got a whole life left to live i need to experience better things

daddywashere

I admire your effort to follow your heart, but I doubt you can "fix" him. He seems more dedicated to drink than anything else. I think you should take steps to protect yourself.