JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
That is a tough situation. I had a turbulent time in my early marriage. Right now things are ok though.
I think that if you feel it's not working, rip that band aid off.
I think that if you feel it's not working, rip that band aid off.
SamHarris · 36-40, M
You deserve better. My sister-in-law who is more family to me than my oldest brother is was in something close to that much that of a toxic marriage. She had high hopes for him for so long, she had several trial separations in the hopes he world came. He hadn’t change one but before and after she divorced him. And I thank God every day she divorced him, because she deserved much better.
Do whatever you feel is necessary. Get whatever help you can get.
Do whatever you feel is necessary. Get whatever help you can get.
Sojournersoul · M
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Sojournersoul ik
Sojournersoul · M
@glossyheart you know what to do. It is hard but you can do it.
Magicianzini · M
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Magicianzini i know.
stelu · 46-50, M
Stop it, get out of this toxic relationship, you and your daughter need peace.
stelu · 46-50, M
@glossyheart Your daughter needs you, you need to raise her in peace and give her all the happiness, how could you do that in this relationship? And you involuntarily transmit all your tension and agitation to the child.
stelu · 46-50, M
@glossyheart You need to be strong and make a decision as soon as possible. You are neither the first nor the last woman to travel alone with a child.
Ontheroad · M
There is nothing easy with what you are going through - nothing.
I would suggest waiting and living in the turmoil both emotionally/psychologically and physically, is not for sure, the right path.
If you can, reach out for counseling for yourself. If that isn't possible, then my thoughts would be to make the best decision you can for your child - in the end, that will be what is best for you and your child.
I would suggest waiting and living in the turmoil both emotionally/psychologically and physically, is not for sure, the right path.
If you can, reach out for counseling for yourself. If that isn't possible, then my thoughts would be to make the best decision you can for your child - in the end, that will be what is best for you and your child.
PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
There's a book I think you should look at. It's called " The care and feeding of husband's" it's by Dr Laura Schlesinger.
What are the top three most common things you argue about?
What were the reasons you fell in love with Ryan firstly and do you think those things are still a part of his personality?
If you had the power to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What do you think Ryan would want to change if anything?
What are the top three most common things you argue about?
What were the reasons you fell in love with Ryan firstly and do you think those things are still a part of his personality?
If you had the power to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What do you think Ryan would want to change if anything?
View 1 more replies »
@glossyheart the last thing you want is to be more dependant upon this man child.
PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F
@glossyheart the only thing I have issue with is what is he hiding in his phone? I do find that worrying.
Could you depend on him to be a good provider for you and your daughter if you did give up work? And what is it you think you gain with your mental health by being at work?
I have three boys and I was a stay at home mum throughout their younger years and I gained a lot, I saw ALL of their mile stones. I was able to have more control over their care and have the time to provide healthy meals. I had a stronger bond and attachment with them. I made friends at mother and baby groups, wriggly readers at the library etc and I had less stress because I was secure in my role as a home maker and not having to fit my life as a mum around another commitment.
That said, the ONLY way that could be viable is if you can trust your man to fully take on the responsibility of providing and for his work to be very steady and stable.
Could you depend on him to be a good provider for you and your daughter if you did give up work? And what is it you think you gain with your mental health by being at work?
I have three boys and I was a stay at home mum throughout their younger years and I gained a lot, I saw ALL of their mile stones. I was able to have more control over their care and have the time to provide healthy meals. I had a stronger bond and attachment with them. I made friends at mother and baby groups, wriggly readers at the library etc and I had less stress because I was secure in my role as a home maker and not having to fit my life as a mum around another commitment.
That said, the ONLY way that could be viable is if you can trust your man to fully take on the responsibility of providing and for his work to be very steady and stable.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@PatientlyWaiting25 i couldn’t depend on him to be a good provider for us.. he hardly works at the moment, more worried about his damn game 😅 i had her in march and was off work until late april i was miserable and so ready to go back to work. as much as i love her i need to socialize, need to get away, can’t be home 24/7. i was so ready to go back to work after my leave was up. plus i LOVE my job so damn much love it & don’t ever wanna leave it.
being a sahm just isn’t for me. right at this moment.
being a sahm just isn’t for me. right at this moment.
GentlemanPirate · 51-55, M
what you have going on is a heavy burden and you are right to question everything about the situation. She is little enough that if you decide to separate that she won't remember a time when you are together and having 2 homes with 2 parents that live apart is what is normal too her. I think it would be more traumatic for her if she were 5 years old.
If you're going to separate now is the time, not down the road.
If you're going to separate now is the time, not down the road.
Panamared · 70-79, M
Fighting is not good for anyone, it will only get worse, leave, take your daughter, find help
CookieCrumbs · F
Someone once said to me:
“The hardest decision to make is possibly the right one.”
You have to talk to someone who could help you through this - to help you process your emotions and at the same time help you see the realities of the situation in order for you to make the best decision.
“The hardest decision to make is possibly the right one.”
You have to talk to someone who could help you through this - to help you process your emotions and at the same time help you see the realities of the situation in order for you to make the best decision.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@CookieCrumbs thank you 😭😭😭
GoFish · 41-45, F
sometimes you have to break a house to rebuild it.. don't tolerate bad behavior because you are afraid of breaking off a relationship .. if it's toxic and hostile save yourself.. you want him throwing stuff at your kid or worse throwing your kid around? because it seems like the bad vibes of your home are only intensifying
GoFish · 41-45, F
@glossyheart yeah it does.. have you tried deescalating the arguments like not arguing with him?
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Cyclist · 46-50, M
Would he want to get divorced? If you told him that he has to work with you or you’re leaving would he let you go, or would he try to keep you? If he doesn’t want a divorce you can use that for leverage.
BreathingFreshAir · 22-25, F
sorry its so hard
Mamapolo2016 · F
First, try not to make any permanent decisions 5 months into motherhood. You’re still adjusting physically, emotionally and psychologically.
It’s more of an upheaval than most admit.
I urge you to find somebody professional to talk to. You need support and suggestions.
Was your relationship rocky before the baby?
I would say at this point in time, what’s on his phone is the least of your concerns.
I am truly sorry you feel in such turmoil.
It’s more of an upheaval than most admit.
I urge you to find somebody professional to talk to. You need support and suggestions.
Was your relationship rocky before the baby?
I would say at this point in time, what’s on his phone is the least of your concerns.
I am truly sorry you feel in such turmoil.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Mamapolo2016 no it was perfect before the baby! no fights at all he was perfect, everything was perfect..😭 thank you so much
Mamapolo2016 · F
@glossyheart Okay. That doesn’t mean the baby caused the trouble. Babies don’t cause trouble. It’s the parents’ REACTIONS to the baby that’s the problem.
Especially when we’re young, we waltz into situations that can’t be understood before they are experienced. You are in love with him and he with you! It’s almost perfect. Then there’s a baby.
Babies mean somebody has to be paying attention. All the time. That means both parents will receive less attention from each other at the same time they’re getting less sleep, worrying more, wondering what will happen if anything goes radically wrong. Perfectly normal, but scary.
Forget the Hallmark movies. That’s not how life works. Most new mothers do not slim down within a week - or a month - or a year. You just built a person. It takes a toll. Be patient with yourself.
At the same time, your SO is also under increased pressure. Most people don’t react well under pressure. Be patient with him too.
Try not to introduce sensitive topics when one or both of you are angry. Try to talk when you’re both calm. Don’t lay out a long list of asks. If he hates doing dishes, suggest you do the dishes if he does the laundry. Figure it out.
The worst part about feeling how you feel is that it seems like life is a terribly tangled ball of yarn that actively resists untangling. You feel overwhelmed. You see no light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t encourage either of you to be upset.
Find a way to make the untangling a mutual effort.
Especially when we’re young, we waltz into situations that can’t be understood before they are experienced. You are in love with him and he with you! It’s almost perfect. Then there’s a baby.
Babies mean somebody has to be paying attention. All the time. That means both parents will receive less attention from each other at the same time they’re getting less sleep, worrying more, wondering what will happen if anything goes radically wrong. Perfectly normal, but scary.
Forget the Hallmark movies. That’s not how life works. Most new mothers do not slim down within a week - or a month - or a year. You just built a person. It takes a toll. Be patient with yourself.
At the same time, your SO is also under increased pressure. Most people don’t react well under pressure. Be patient with him too.
Try not to introduce sensitive topics when one or both of you are angry. Try to talk when you’re both calm. Don’t lay out a long list of asks. If he hates doing dishes, suggest you do the dishes if he does the laundry. Figure it out.
The worst part about feeling how you feel is that it seems like life is a terribly tangled ball of yarn that actively resists untangling. You feel overwhelmed. You see no light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t encourage either of you to be upset.
Find a way to make the untangling a mutual effort.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Mamapolo2016 definitely not trying to blame her for our problems, i love her so much, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and she is my whole entire world. 🩷
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glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@TheHammer thank u for this, i appreciate your respective
TheHammer · M
@glossyheart
You are welcome
You are welcome
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@OlderSometimesWiser individual is an option bc he does not and has made it very clear that he will not do couples counseling 😭
thank you
thank you
@glossyheart I say take that option of individual counseling. For many reasons not the least of which is helping you gain the strength to do what you must.
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
A broken home is a toxic home, not a home with seperation.
Khenpal1 · M
you cant have both
th3r0n · 41-45, M
Post partum depression is common, and it's also common for men to get frustrated and angry dealing with it and the lack of sexual intimacy available right after giving birth
It often becomes a very hard time, I would say find a way to not fight if you can but it's normal to have the most trouble you ever had right after having a baby, sadly, so it might be best to hold out and not go anywhere
It often becomes a very hard time, I would say find a way to not fight if you can but it's normal to have the most trouble you ever had right after having a baby, sadly, so it might be best to hold out and not go anywhere
Northwest · M
Can you see a therapist/counselor? Just by yourself.
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@DunningKruger thank you.. 😭
Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M
You both need help
Why are you fighting?
What are you fighting about?
You both need to sit down and clear the air
It’s toxic for your daughter
She can feel the bad vibes which is NOT good for her
Why are you fighting?
What are you fighting about?
You both need to sit down and clear the air
It’s toxic for your daughter
She can feel the bad vibes which is NOT good for her
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@Strictmichael75 ik, thank you.
Strictmichael75 · 61-69, M
@glossyheart difficult decisions to be made
If ever you want to chat you can message me
Sometimes it helps
If ever you want to chat you can message me
Sometimes it helps
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
Several have said seek counseling. And that is solid. Even if it's just by yourself.
Yet I must emphasize that you should keep pressing on couples counseling. It's what you both need most.
Yet I must emphasize that you should keep pressing on couples counseling. It's what you both need most.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@DeWayfarer thank u 🫶🏼 i’ll really try to get him to agree to it.
JPWhoo · 36-40, M
Sorry you’re going through this. For what it’s worth, it sounds to me that staying together with him is not going to work long-term, as hard as the alternative might be.
glossyheart · 22-25, FNew
@1490wayb obviously im not an angel but neither is he 😂