my mother's unhealed trauma

I can relate with your very much. Is there any way you can speak to another adult who you are comfortable talking with about your situation and how it’s effecting you in a negative way - someone who has an unbiased opinion of the subject and whom you feel you can trust? I.e a school counsellor maybe? Ask this trusted person if they are willing to mediate a conversation between you and Mom. If they happen to be a councillor they will know exactly how to handle any conflict or diffuse a heated discussion if need be at the right moment which is essentially a way of getting both sides to talk and feel they are equally heard by each other and then this person can advise or give advice and guidance on how to meet in the middle and find a solution that works for both parties and that you’re both okay with any kind of compromises that they may have to suggest - because, I don’t think that Mom is not going to be able to let you go balls to the walls after one mediated negotiation….but she might be willing to budge a little bit more and more and more over time though.

She’s obviously got your best interests at heart although I think she’s allowing her own past to overshadow your own potential and opportunity to live your life authentically as your own person.

Be gentle and approach her by saying that you are grateful for the fact that she is looking out for you. However, try not be too harsh when pointed out that actually she is denying you the very same right of passage that she had been and that in order to break generational trauma, you have to be able to live your life as your own person otherwise it wouldn’t be authentic.

She has obviously gone through her own hardships and I suggest that she maybe considers working through that with a professional if she is willing to.

At the end of the day…she loves you so much. And that’s something you will miss when she’s no longer around to make sure you stay well out of harms way. It’s annoying but trust me once it’s gone you will wish you never asked for more space in the first place.

X x x

i believe there's nothing more natural than to look at our mom's perspectives in an annoyingly way.. i also relate to your situation. but my mom, fortunately, works hard on herself to improve on these things..
well. i always thought "i don't understand why my mom is like this"
i don't about your mom, but I found out that my mom's actually just a scared person. she really lived horror, and every time i leave my house, i can't even imagine the pain of the thought of something happening to me.
the thing is.. this sucks, and your mom shouldn't mirror her life experiences in you in such an extreme way. but don't go too hard on her, at least try to think like her, and try to hope that she'll eventually become a little more flexible. it's rare, that this happens. if it's the case and she does not change her mind, look.. don't keep hatred or anger inside you, forgive her.. don't do it for her, do it for you. the way we act, the decisions we make, the way we live, it's all made of the choices we make. if she chooses to be like that, that's on her.. but by not keeping anger inside you, will actually make your life a little lighter. i'm sure your mom loves you so much, but it's your life and it goes on.. don't spend all of it thinking anout how things could have been different, instead, use your experiences to make your decision from now and on. don't live on the past. if the present is a little too hard, then work really hard so the next 1, 2, 3 and 4 years from now can be much better.
i'm a teenager, i understand how you feel..

Yeah I know how you feel, my mother was the same way. I could count on one hand minus two or three fingers how many times she said "I love you" For years I sought her approval or her blessings on anything nothing in fact it was pick pick pick pick.

I finally decided to quit letting those memories bother me and I am slowly healing it's a little late for me so I suggest you start early just put the feelings to the side don't reflect on don't think about that think about beautiful things think about bunny rabbits squirrels whatever but don't dwell on the bad.

You may find that she wasn't so much unlike you at all.

This is paranoia and overprotectiveness

It is understandable if she developed fears from trauma and she never allowed herself to feel how she does

One thing about moms is they do know what's up but they can be overbearing too.