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Am I wrong?

My ex partner, father of my 3 children 11,10 & 8 is living in the family home, he pays £100 a week, that includes his contribution to the upkeep of the 3 children, rent (he has his own room) gas electric use of WiFi tv and all toiletries plus food, he doesn’t lift a finger around the house. He doesn’t help with clothing, hair cuts ect for the children everything is taken care of by me, he said he can’t afford more than £100 he only earns £382 a week after tax, he has no car and a monthly contract mobile phone. Is this acceptable ? What would you do?

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Adogslife · 61-69, M

Perhaps he should use this time, while he’s freeloading, to better his career.

QCDog2659 · 61-69, M

Not acceptable behavior from an adult(?) male.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@QCDog2659 that’s exactly what I needed to hear as that’s how I feel, but I question if I’m right.

QCDog2659 · 61-69, M

@Jo17anne In this, you are right.

Babaloo6 · 41-45, M

@Jo17anne absolutely right

Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP

To be left with £382 after tax isnt alot of money. However neither is 100.00 all in.

Perhaps he could pay a couple of regular bills . And delgate him a specific chore , which he can do easily on a day of etc.

Its all about sharing isnt it ?

Teslin · M

@Jo17anne I am so sorry you are going through this.
He should grow a pair and pay for his own food and toiletries, etc. Contribute 50% of heat and electricity. 50% of wifi and TV expenses.

RuyLopez · 56-60, M

He should work another job if not two more. No excuse not to take care of your children. He can't even take care of himself with that level of earnings.

Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M

Ex? Why is he living with you?

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@Quetzalcoatlus good question, he was living in his car before he lost his license and he was homeless & wormed his way back in, he has no family other than our 3 children and I guess I feel responsible, altho there is no love there on my part, my family say kick him out but I feel bad.

Thandeka · 31-35, F

@Jo17anne You have a good heart. That doesn't mean he should take advantage of your kindness. Tell him he needs to do more to help since he can't contribute financially or go back to living in his car.

Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M

@Jo17anne You need to set clear boundaries! Can’t let him mooch off of you.

mainvane · 61-69, M

Tell him to pay half his weekly check. Throw him out and change the locks if he refuses.

Rhode57 · 56-60, M

Kick him out . Why is he living with you . He needs to stand on his own 2 feet he isnt a child .

MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M

It does appear that he should be contributing a greater proportion of his income.
However, it depends on what he does with the rest of his income.
For example, if he is saving for a deposit to get his own place perhaps it's worth it to finally get him out from under your feet.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@MrAverage1965 I wish, he has 0 money saved he actually asks to borrow money, the absolute cheek!

MrAverage1965 · 61-69, M

@Jo17anne I think it's time you asked him to find a place if his own.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@MrAverage1965 thing is I know his freeloading I know I don’t want him here! I think I just needed people to agree with me because I often think I’m being mean when I get mad about it, I can’t talk to friends about it, I’m embarrassed I allow it

Pinkstarburst · 51-55, F

The support of his children should be separate from his living expenses.

Daveuk · 56-60, M

Chuck him out he wouldn't get half of that for private rent..tell him to man up

mrh1972 · MVIP

100 quid a week wouldnt even cover rent and amenities if he was on his own!

Daveuk · 56-60, M

Your not his mum but ex partner...he needs topsy his way or move on

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@Daveuk 💯

GLITTER · 36-40, F

He has to pay half of everything to do with your children imo

YourMomsSecretCrush · M

whatever you allow...... is what will continue

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@YourMomsSecretCrush yea true, I know this.

Uncfred · 61-69, M

You are being taken for a ride honey, look in "Spare Room", and you will see the prices for room only.
I guess if you ae still attached to him, that could be something that ties you to him, it seems it.

Whatever reason he gives for your generosity, he should bear his side of the parenting, financially and
physically.

MrGoodbar · 51-55, M

I would be embarrassed beyond belief if that were me. Ex means you don't want to be together anymore and I'm sure he did something to push you apart. The 100 he is giving a week probably doesn't even cover his expenses. I would consider what he is doing now as taking advantage of you.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

I think as long as he's there he should help, maybe give him a list? He may be depressed, possibly?
You'd know, I wouldn't of course.

I wouldn't live with an ex, personally, it brings up too much trauma.
Is it possible to sell the house, split the money and move on?

pdockal · 56-60, M

No comment

mrh1972 · MVIP

Kick him out!

angie8819 · 56-60, F

Fuck him out

SW-User

If he isn't providing atleast half of total expenses towards kids, what's the point of him being a father ?

He should atleast help with more than half of the chores.

Teslin · M

Cut off his food, toiletries and his wifi/TV.

Why are you paying for his food and toiletries!!!

Don't let him take advantage of you please !!

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@Teslin well the WiFi covers the building and I don’t buy him toiletries but he uses the toothpaste, the boys deodorant sprays, bubble bath, shampoo, toilet paper ect, I also don’t buy or make him meals, he helps himself to milk, things out the fridge cupboards ect even makes himself a packed lunch out of my food 🤦‍♀️

AndysAttic · 56-60, M

Your ex partner sounds like the guy in a couple of my posts.

View 1 more replies »

AndysAttic · 56-60, M

@Jo17anne Step Son will not work nor want. He expects his mother and I to pay for everything and puts nothing into the house.

That was the post, sorry. I do not like links.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@AndysAttic how old is your step son? It’s difficult cos his mother loves him and feels responsible for him! Slightly different in my case. Hope the 3 of you work something out

AndysAttic · 56-60, M

@Jo17anne That was a joke question. Might be worth mentioning the CSA to your ex...£100 a week while he is living with you is a joke. He would be paying a minimum of £600 just for child support, never mind rent or anything else.

HappyCamper74 · M

No, you are not wrong. Totally unacceptable on his part and you shouldn't stand for it.
You need to find yourself a real man. He just seems like a lazy freeloader.

updown2020 · 61-69, M

If he is your Ex why is he living with you and are you sure he’s Only earning that money? Have you taken him to court?

meggie · F

He is very selfish. The prices of electricity and food etc have gone up loads too. It's time he paid you fairly or was booted out.

Peril · F

Have you tried the CSA calculator to give you a rough idea? Do you pay rent/mortgage/own outright?

RuthW69 · 51-55, F

I think he ought to hand his wages to you and let you budget and give him a reasonable allowance from that.

Jungleman · M

you are very wrong, you should be serving bed and breakfast everyday with no complaints.

Budwick · 70-79, M

Is this acceptable ?

Why are you asking us?
It's apparently NOT acceptable to you.

plasticpants02 · 61-69, M

Id tell him to move out. Or up the rent

updown2020 · 61-69, M

@plasticpants02 No she should throw him out, it is not normal that a Ex lives with a Ex , Hiw are they both suppose to move on if they still live together and if they find anybody and those people find out the still live together well they will not stick around.

plasticpants02 · 61-69, M

@updown2020 very true

TheOneyouwerewarnedabout · 46-50, MVIP

its weird to me that 2 ppl who broke up live in the same house..

jackrabbit10 · M

kick is ass out,, 1/2 his pay check at least,

Ramrod · 46-50, M

Did you go thru the courts ?

LunarOrbit · 56-60, M

Lawyer up

Nihiless

You know, there are some that give decidedly a lot less than this. Just saying. 🤷‍♀️

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@Nihiless wow

Nihiless

@Jo17anne For 3 children pw that is, excluding rent and utilities etc,.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@Nihiless ok well this is for 3 children, rent all utilities even toiletries

HotPizza71 · 51-55, M

How much more could you get maybe another £25 to £50..?

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@HotPizza71 to be honest I’d rather him not be there, but if he is, because aswell as taking the p**s living a stress free life, he is holding me back from finding Someone else, iv come to the conclusion I’m not wrong for feeling how I am he is very selfish and needs to stand on his own two feet, I’m so grateful for everyone’s opinions

HotPizza71 · 51-55, M

@Jo17anne I know what you mean if he's not contributing anything towards helping band loving the kids, why bother.. And like you say, it's holding you back.. Still take the 100 quid a week though, he's gotta still pay something, you've a right to that

This message was deleted by its author.

Jo17anne · 41-45, F

@SW-User thank you

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