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AndysAttic

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Urgent advice needed....I caught an STI from the toilet seat, I am not sure my wife will believe me...

My Sister in law and my mother in law have caught it from the same seat...I am in such a pickle, advice please.

What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Beans, they are great...do they make you fart?

Do you get disgusted when you see people picking their nose...Me too, I only do it when I am hungry...why waste nourishment?.

Butler becoming insolent, advice needed. Yesterday my butler 'Dawkins' approached my wife and myself scrunching his cap in his hand

and asked us for a day off. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather, I was aghast at the sheer cheek and insolence of this bloody oik. He has worked in my service for nigh on 50 years and all of a sudden he decided to make a request in...

6000 years ago the dinosaurs ruled the Earth, humans fought many a battle with these monsters but we prevailed....why?

The simple answer is 'art and science'. It was obvious that humans were superior when Michelle Angelo painted the walls of the Christine Chapel in France, Leonardo DiCaprio painted the Moaning Lisa and this sits in the lover in Belgium....the Right...

Women eh! Can't live with them can't live without them. My significant other bought a new dress and asked me what I thought, she said be truthful

and not to tell her any lies. I said, the dress has a very nice colour and shape but you spoil it with your big fat arse and, to be honest a woman of your age should not be wearing the likes of that. I only did what she told me but I have not had...

The North American Spaceman Authority, you will know them as 'NASA' commands us not to look at the Sun...Why, what are they trying to hide?

Well, I do not take orders from the 'Man' so I set up my telescope last Monday to see what they are trying to hide...Astonishingly as soon as I looked through my telescope at the Sun my eyes started to feel quite uncomfortable and I could not hold my...

Dinosaurs, did they exist? Once again science is divided on the matter, some scientist think they did while others think they did not.

Many creation scientists think that the dinosaur bones were planted by NASA in 1657 to fool people into thinking that the World was older than 6023 years and this argument has some substance. Why? Well all the dinosaur bones that have been found have...

Is the Earth flat? Well science is divided on the matter, many great creation scientists have debated the matter.

However, if the Earth was a globe wouldn't all the people in Austria fall off?

I have heard in America you can buy as much steak as you want, surely that can't be true. Here in the UK we are

only allowed to buy 1 pound of steak a month and we are only permitted to buy it if we have a British name.

Many people think that Hitler was a German but in fact he was born in Braunau am Inn which is in Australia.

Is this a common known historical fact?

History, a fantastic subject. As a historian I spent a lot of time researching Leonardo Di Caprio and his works. Clearly his most famous was the

Moaning Lisa which is now hanging up in the louver in Paris, or 'grey Paris' as the French call it. What is your favourite historical work of art?

Why are some people so squeamish and unsophisticated? I am talking about eating beef etc 'rare'.

I had some work colleagues round for a meal and they told me that they liked their meat rare, I do too so I spent a lot of time making a beautiful meal...Roast potatoes, carrots, pepper gravy and all the works. The problems started when I took the...

If 'What a great big pile of steaming shite' was the answer, what would be the question?

OMG...Complete disaster I have been FRAMED. It was raining last night so I went and collected my young neighbours washing from the drying line

as I would have been deeply upset for the young woman if these clothes had been soaked. I put them under my mattress to dry and, inadvertently I forgot all about them. You could have knocked me over with a feather when only 2 weeks later the...

If you could send someone a dog poo in the post...who would that person be?

Disclaimer. In many countries it is illegal to send excrement in the post, I do not advocate the sending of shite to anyone, in fact I would consider it quite rude and something you should never do.

My Son came home from school and told me he had an argument with his teacher, the teacher said that the Earth was millions of years old

and of course my Son retorted that the Earth is exactly 6023 years old. My Son went on to say that this is supported by creation science and great scientists like Dr Kent Hovind and Dr Ken Ham. This teacher clearly thought he knew better and said...

The International Space Station, or IPS is more than 200,000 miles above us and is the furthest that humans have ever travelled into space.

Is the reason that they can go no further because of the dome of the Earth? Isn't it strange that Elon Rusk sent an astronaut into space in a Tesla and nary a word has been heard from that car or the astronaut since....seems to me that car must...

Step Son will not work nor want. He expects his mother and I to pay for everything and puts nothing into the house.

His mother always sticks up for him and is always buying him clothes and treats...it beggar's belief. We are going through difficult times ourselves as she is the only one in the house with a job, in fact she has three but I am unable to work as I...

Is it unethical to eat a chicken and egg sandwich?

Is the removal of bone meal from dog food the reason we never see white dog shite on the pavement (sidewalk) anymore

I miss these halcyon days when the pavements would be festooned with these decorative white lumps of crap...

Is the end of the World nigh? Is the punishment of Sodom and Gonorrhoea about to reoccur, when the 4 Norsemen of the Acropolis

fly through the sky, they shall be called Death, flatulence, farming...and the other one which I can't remember. There shall be sounds of crumpets and gnashing of teats...are you afraid?

Have you ever rad the book 'the Russian Vet'...by Dr Cuttacatscockoff. A great read.

How Strange, Lord Shadowfire does not seem to have a nose, how on earth can he smell without a conk?

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