I Am Not Where I Wanted to Be At This Age

I used to make plans that were absolutely laughable. I would make lists...by such and such an age I would be married...by such and such an age I would have my first job in graphic design. I would have my first child by such and such an age, and I had no idea that my silly Disneyland expectations of what my life SHOULD be were making me unhappy. I didn't even know that I WAS silly until time had passed. I took myself VERY, very seriously. I don't know what happened to those lists. I think I would look at them two years later and just laugh at my own silliness.

I didn't know that my own lack of experience in life and my own immaturity and silliness were the problem. Instead of taking life as it came, and doing the best I could with what I had to work with, and being happy with what I had, I was a drama queen who became depressed when life didn't go according to my unrealistic expectations.

I know that when my second marriage failed and I went back to college, I was actually driving the good people away, and attracting negative people, who were probably drawn to my own negative energy.

People will brag and boast, but you never know what's really going on in people's lives. In my experience (I'm old), all these seemingly "perfect" lives unravel sooner than later, or they were never perfect to start with. People just get lucky and get pushing their luck until it runs out... Bottom line, don't take it personally, it's not "you" who have "failed". Life goes on, make the best of it, and remember that these people who have seemingly perfect lives are either living a private hell, or will soon... so no need to envy them...

Life rarely goes the way it's supposed to, and almost never goes the way it's supposed to for an entire life.

In my opinion, it's how you deal with those unexpected turns and obstacles in the journey that make you who you are. Climb over them, go around them, choose a different route.

Don't focus so completely on the gold medal that you miss the triumphs along the way. Don't be so intent on getting there that you can't appreciate the beauties and the lessons of being here.

Come on, very few of us get all we dream about. If we just get a tiny fraction we are blessed. It is not for nothing. Make the most of what you have and enjoy.

try not to let it take you down ....just forge ahead....I understand

I could give a hundred reasons why my life is crap, or a hundred why it's great. I don't choose either, I take a balanced view.

With all respect I understand this.
I’m sorry.