I’m so exhausted by life.
I don’t really care about my birthday, but Friday was the first one I had without my dad. He would usually call me way too early in the morning and sing happy birthday to me and tell me he loves me.
Instead, I spent my birthday putting his cat, Kiwi, to sleep. She was literally the only thing of his that we have. After he died, we went to his apartment to clean it out and there was nothing. Clothes and filth and this sweet little cat.
She had respiratory issues that we weren’t able to diagnose no matter what tests we did. She had been getting worse recently, and was in a lot of distress on Friday. My sister and I decided to end her suffering, and we were with her in the end. Just like with my dad.
I’ve dealt with so much death and grief this year. My dad, my grandmother, my aunt, Kiwi. The constant pain of loss is becoming unbearable. I don’t understand why so many things have gone wrong in my life - why I’ve had to suffer so much. I can’t remember the last time I felt true happiness. I’m not sure I ever really have.
I wish my dad was here to hug me.
Instead, I spent my birthday putting his cat, Kiwi, to sleep. She was literally the only thing of his that we have. After he died, we went to his apartment to clean it out and there was nothing. Clothes and filth and this sweet little cat.
She had respiratory issues that we weren’t able to diagnose no matter what tests we did. She had been getting worse recently, and was in a lot of distress on Friday. My sister and I decided to end her suffering, and we were with her in the end. Just like with my dad.
I’ve dealt with so much death and grief this year. My dad, my grandmother, my aunt, Kiwi. The constant pain of loss is becoming unbearable. I don’t understand why so many things have gone wrong in my life - why I’ve had to suffer so much. I can’t remember the last time I felt true happiness. I’m not sure I ever really have.
I wish my dad was here to hug me.














