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Wasted my life entirely

I focused my life around raising my children. I had 4. It was complete.waste of time and I recommend people to avoid doing it.

I enjoyed looking after them up until roughly lock down so about 20 years. I did all the baking, knitting, church groups, took them to museums, beaches, Disney, helped with homework, cooked food from scratch that took hours and they didn't eat it and I thoroughly enjoyed it all.

Then lock down came. My 20 year old left his job at mercedes to sell weed, he had his own place a good job and now he has nothing. My 14 year old started smoking weed, she refused to go back to school after lockdown and now she's 16 she's a miserable, horrible girl who is wasting her life. My 18 year old is studying law and my 13 year old seems unscathed.

But overall I feel I wasted my life. It was absolutely pointless. A woman did say this to me before I had children. She said "I wish I didn't have children. If I could go back I wouldn't have any" and I thought she was mean and maybe depressed but now I think she has a point.

It's a waste of time. What's the point? Society is a waste, these children are miserable and stuck in this society that sucks and even if they seem like they're doing ok something comes along and it turns to mud.

It's also true that all baby animals are cute but human babies are not. Not a troll btw just a mother who can't take anymore name calling, bullying, ignorant, selfish behaviour in her life.

I had to get it out. I know people are going to feel how I felt when somebody said it to me, that I'm horrible or depressed but it's how I feel.
AntisocialTroll · 56-60, F
And had it not been for the lockdown chances are your kids would've largely been okay, we forget I think just how hard is to be a teen in normal times, then the lockdown came and screwed up vast amounts of people.

You've got one studying law at uni so you've obviously done something right as a mother for that to have been possible.

Try not to give up your hopes for them and keep supporting them, they may yet surprise you.
I've had a number of times that I have felt very similar. Also a mother of 4 that wonder what the point is. at some point, our kids move on and make their own choices that are nothing like we think they should be making. It will be ok. Their lives will continue to change as well as yours.
Elisbch · M
This kind of story and feelings doesn't surprise me at all. When I was growing up my father didn't want my mother to work. He didn't want children really but she did so she had me and my sister. Looking back I see that all that time she had from not having a real job to taking care of us was her job and there wasn't really much anything she didn't do. She took that job on and did the best she could. I don't think any child turns out exactly the way parents want them to. I know myself and my sister did not LOL. But we turned out okay and had our own lives. Your story isn't over yet and I hope that it gets better in future years.
I think maybe you've done better than you think! I think parents need to remind themselves that although they had these babies, that these babies they have really don't belong to them. As they grow, despite all the best efforts, they still form their own personalities and their own ways of thinking.... good or bad. They grow sometimes into people we had no idea they would become. I think parents can only hope that some of what they teach their kids sinks in enough to help them have the skills to make the right decisions at the right times.
Hang in there and good luck. From the sounds of it, you haven't failed. You've done the best you could at the times. 🙂
If my mom were alive today it would not surprise me if I heard some of the same words come out of her mouth that you have just spoken here. I can't say I would take offense to it. I don't think a mother's job is ever easy.
Wiseacre · F
@Elisbch 👍
laotzu92 · 61-69, M
I'm glad I didn't see this on Father's Day.
But since I'm here, I have never and do not now regret what we did raising the kids.
In a way, being a parent in a family is a microcosm of humanity. We, if we can look beyond our lifespan, are acting for the future of our exceptional species.
val70 · 51-55
Perhaps you indeed feel like that, but you're not waste. You still know what values are. I've been reading about the practical side of being an individualist anarchist. It emphasizes the individual and his or her will over external determinants such as groups, society, traditions, and ideological systems. You sound to me like you do have that will there. Don't feel horrible about anything at all. You did your best :-)
val70 · 51-55
@Gloomy Not really, most inside the church are narrow minded too. Got blocked by one on here for the issue of gay priests let allong bishops. I mean, some people don't even want to discuss. It's been decided so it's fact
Gloomy · F
@val70 To me that's proof how christianity is seen differently by everyone and it often is a justification for intolerance.
Also siblings don't have to love each other
val70 · 51-55
@Gloomy Intolerance comes about naturally. It's what ones does with desire, emotion, outburst, etc. that will define what you are. Love is everywhere. Well, that's my own core idea, but that's my belief. Don't take the group thing but the overriding love thing. Not that I'd love murderers or abusers, nor even slasher movies. I guess that one needs to put the emphasis on the indivual with crankiness again :-)
KaiserSolze · 41-45, F
Thank you to everyone that replied.

I vented here to avoid it coming out irl as much as possible.
windinhishair · 61-69, M
There is a good chance you aren't even halfway through your life. You have time to do the things you want to do, starting now. Embrace the rest of your life. Your perspective may change.
deadgerbil · 22-25
Crazy how he left solid employment to sell weed. Stuff like that is pretty depressing, as well as raising kids in this kind of society.
Elessar · 26-30, M
@deadgerbil Assuming it is, all they say is "work at Mercedes". It could be anything from a manager to the last of the salesmen. If selling weed gets you more than a traditional job, why would people go with the latter?
deadgerbil · 22-25
@Elessar they also seemed to indicate that he lost his place of residence and has nothing now. Hopefully he finds a way to make ends meet with the weed
Wiseacre · F
Women are programmed to have children, alas! It's not for everyone! I wouldn't bring children into this fucked up world today...that's for sure.
Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP
No you haven't wasted your life said yourself that you enjoyed those 20 years you spent raising them.

What you are actually feeling is disappointment. Because the hopes of them being who you wanted them have been dashed.

What you have raised are ' young adults ' who as they get older will eventually make choices & go their own way in life .

It's the rules of life.

Be happy that they are alive and well.

It's time for you to start thinking of your needs , loosen the Apron Strings & begin doing stuff that brings you joy 🌤️
HannahSky · F
Your disdain for your children probably shows with them and effects their choices and, what sounds like hopelessness.
I made a post about this not too long ago

I hope I didnt prompt this

if it is any consolation at least being a mother is all you did

you didnt get addicted to meth or anything worse

and maybe even 4 people will always be influenced forever because of you

as a childless person I cant say that of myself
Gloomy · F
Why do you say such a thing? You said you enjoyed looking after them and now because they may not live exactly the way you want them to, or are struggling you consider it all worthless.

Why so harsh on your 16 year old daughter?
This is just a snapshot in time. It’s pretty common for these years to be rough. It doesn’t mean your kids won’t find their way eventually. I was a mess until my late 20s.
Budwick · 70-79, M
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
I agree about society today, there is much wrong but you gave life to 4 people and they wouldn't have the experience of anything without you.
GuyWithOpinions · 31-35, M
I understand. When you feel no one appreciates you, why stuck around. You did you part, they are now adults. Your free to live as you want. You earned it.
helenS · 36-40, F
I wonder how you would feel without children, without being a mother, walking in the park alone, seeing other women buying ice cream for their kids.
My mom has the same regret as she left her job to raise us but from a spiritual perspective you’re always on the path to salvation
Slade · 56-60, M
I think I can say, without reservation, that social media has been a huge net negative



A lot to unpack here.
What would you have done instead?
SkeetSkeet · 100+, F
Life is a miserable journey also they have a sub on reddit called regretfulparents with a lot of people venting the same issues as you
deadgerbil · 22-25
@SkeetSkeet Reddit queen
Monalisaa1986 · 36-40, F
Raising children is not a waste of a life , especially when they grow up and do well for themselves, and are well put together that is what you did be proud

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