Wasted my life entirely

I focused my life around raising my children. I had 4. It was complete.waste of time and I recommend people to avoid doing it.

I enjoyed looking after them up until roughly lock down so about 20 years. I did all the baking, knitting, church groups, took them to museums, beaches, Disney, helped with homework, cooked food from scratch that took hours and they didn't eat it and I thoroughly enjoyed it all.

Then lock down came. My 20 year old left his job at mercedes to sell weed, he had his own place a good job and now he has nothing. My 14 year old started smoking weed, she refused to go back to school after lockdown and now she's 16 she's a miserable, horrible girl who is wasting her life. My 18 year old is studying law and my 13 year old seems unscathed.

But overall I feel I wasted my life. It was absolutely pointless. A woman did say this to me before I had children. She said "I wish I didn't have children. If I could go back I wouldn't have any" and I thought she was mean and maybe depressed but now I think she has a point.

It's a waste of time. What's the point? Society is a waste, these children are miserable and stuck in this society that sucks and even if they seem like they're doing ok something comes along and it turns to mud.

It's also true that all baby animals are cute but human babies are not. Not a troll btw just a mother who can't take anymore name calling, bullying, ignorant, selfish behaviour in her life.

I had to get it out. I know people are going to feel how I felt when somebody said it to me, that I'm horrible or depressed but it's how I feel.

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val70 · 51-55

Perhaps you indeed feel like that, but you're not waste. You still know what values are. I've been reading about the practical side of being an individualist anarchist. It emphasizes the individual and his or her will over external determinants such as groups, society, traditions, and ideological systems. You sound to me like you do have that will there. Don't feel horrible about anything at all. You did your best :-)

Gloomy · F

@val70 [quote]iindividualist anarchist. It emphasizes the individual and his or her will over external determinants such as groups, society, traditions, and ideological systems.[/quote]

Nice euphemistic description of selfishness

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Oh look it up in your course work on socialist groups anno 1914. I guess that you needed to tell me that too now. Anything you don't like is selfish. Right. Well, I know what your altars are and they're not mine. I have compassion for the indivual and distrust for communists and their like. Thanks btw for pointing to typo :-)

Gloomy · F

@val70 What you describe here are characteristics of selfishness and this has nothing to do with my ideological belief. I might view things as selfish others do not but not in this case.

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Right. I don't challenge your believes. You challenge mine and my knowledge somehow. Weird to be so connected and still not getting fact. But never mind, you must know better then :-)

Gloomy · F

@val70 I don't judge your belief here through a certain ideological framework because you clearly outlined yours as being seperated from systems such as ideology or religion.

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Right, it's called being member of a reformed church btw. We're open to all :-)

Gloomy · F

@val70 but churches are imbeded in an ideological framework and it is a group so how do you combine this with your "individualist anarchism"?

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Because we all are children of God :-) well, that's the tone of my church

Gloomy · F

@val70 in that case you have quite a lot of brothers and sisters

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Not really, most inside the church are narrow minded too. Got blocked by one on here for the issue of gay priests let allong bishops. I mean, some people don't even want to discuss. It's been decided so it's fact

Gloomy · F

@val70 To me that's proof how christianity is seen differently by everyone and it often is a justification for intolerance.
Also siblings don't have to love each other

val70 · 51-55

@Gloomy Intolerance comes about naturally. It's what ones does with desire, emotion, outburst, etc. that will define what you are. Love is everywhere. Well, that's my own core idea, but that's my belief. Don't take the group thing but the overriding love thing. Not that I'd love murderers or abusers, nor even slasher movies. I guess that one needs to put the emphasis on the indivual with crankiness again :-)