Wasted my life entirely

I focused my life around raising my children. I had 4. It was complete.waste of time and I recommend people to avoid doing it.

I enjoyed looking after them up until roughly lock down so about 20 years. I did all the baking, knitting, church groups, took them to museums, beaches, Disney, helped with homework, cooked food from scratch that took hours and they didn't eat it and I thoroughly enjoyed it all.

Then lock down came. My 20 year old left his job at mercedes to sell weed, he had his own place a good job and now he has nothing. My 14 year old started smoking weed, she refused to go back to school after lockdown and now she's 16 she's a miserable, horrible girl who is wasting her life. My 18 year old is studying law and my 13 year old seems unscathed.

But overall I feel I wasted my life. It was absolutely pointless. A woman did say this to me before I had children. She said "I wish I didn't have children. If I could go back I wouldn't have any" and I thought she was mean and maybe depressed but now I think she has a point.

It's a waste of time. What's the point? Society is a waste, these children are miserable and stuck in this society that sucks and even if they seem like they're doing ok something comes along and it turns to mud.

It's also true that all baby animals are cute but human babies are not. Not a troll btw just a mother who can't take anymore name calling, bullying, ignorant, selfish behaviour in her life.

I had to get it out. I know people are going to feel how I felt when somebody said it to me, that I'm horrible or depressed but it's how I feel.

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Elisbch · M

Just curious, how are you feeling now? Things getting any better? 🙏🏻 It's been a year now.

KaiserSolze · 46-50, F

@Elisbch Well 🤔 I days where I feel that again, like a wave. My eldest son ended up in prison. My second son is still at uni so that's good. I get on better with my daughter now but she's still not doing anything productive and I've been seeing people to help but they keep saying to have patience and it's hard to.

Yesterday I felt quite suicidal about it all. Again the waste feeling. Then I think there's nothing I can do about it. I have to focus on myself. If they want to be stupid it's their choice and me being distressed won't change it.

I wish I could say it's better or there's a big change but there isn't.

I changed what I do and took up hobbies to try to cheer myself up and it's worked except for days when I think about it all. I can't do anything about my eldest son and my daughter doesn't want help so I also feel powerless to make anything better.

Thanks for asking.

Elisbch · M

@KaiserSolze

I'm sorry to hear your eldest son is in prison... and although I've been there (suic_idal feelings) myself at times, I hope the sui_cidal feelings aren't often and eventually go away.
You have some very positive things you're saying though and that's promising and sounds good. Second son in Uni, better communication with your daughter,
And especially this...

Then I think there's nothing I can do about it. I have to focus on myself. If they want to be stupid it's their choice and me being distressed won't change it.

This is positive progress for you .. and you need to take care of you.
Hobbies and keeping busy doing positive things for yourself are great for you. I hope you keep all these things up. The change is happening within you and that's great because as you say, you can not control what others do. It doesn't make it easier but believing that helps you cope better.

I don't have kids so saying that you may dismiss me. However, what I learned when I was growing up under the thumb of an abusive alcoholic father and enabling mother is that both my father and my mother, always seemed by what they said was that I was more property and that I was to fall in line with what they wanted me to be rather than my own person. I never got that kind of encouragement. I realized at an early age that I cannot be what they wanted me to be and that I had to learn a lot of life's lessons on my own. The more I felt their pressure to be what they wanted me to be, and feeling owned by them, the more I fought back my own way and many times I was not making good decisions or choices out of spite and rebellion. Now, being an adult and older than you, and thinking about all this since both my parents are gone, I see the turmoil I put them through. I don't know if I saw it back then when I was a kid or young adult. At that time, many times I didn't care.
After all that I still turned out, I think pretty darn good. My parents still taught me things regardless of it not being a very pleasant household. I think you're doing what you can. I think you need to keep taking care of yourself... doing those positive things for yourself and hope that your kids will see the positive things you're doing for yourself and possibly it'll rub off on them. I hope you'll hang in there because you sound more positive now than a year ago. I think it's because you're doing these good things for yourself. 🌻

KaiserSolze · 46-50, F

@Elisbch thank you. Your words were very affirmative and helpful.