Do you have to be 100% done being angry to "forgive" someone?
Or can you just drop the subject, not dwell on itanymore, but still secretly stay a little pissed?
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BlueVeins · 22-25
'Forgive' means stop being angry, so yeah, you kinda do have to be done being angry by definition. That said, I think society's view on the subject is really diseased. Forgiveness can certainly be helpful and healthy, but viewing forgiveness as a social obligation is just another way of denying people their feelings.
Colonelmustardseed · 36-40
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
akindheart · 61-69, F
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@akindheart When it’s that bad I give it to God and let Him take it for me. There are some things that only He can understand, things that will affect a person for the remainder of their lives.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@cherokeepatti true. i was bitter at my exhusband for years. he never paid, he never suffered. I felt like life was not fair. then he got it big time.
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@akindheart I was looking up an old friend who used to be a neighbor back in the 70’s on Facebook, my ex was on her list of friends as he was friends back then with her husband. I went to his FB (didn’t know he knew how to use the internet but anyway) and saw his photo. He seems to be a hollow shell now. Couldn’t even muster a smile for the photo. When that friend saw me the for the first time I was working at Walmart 11 years ago she hadn’t seen me in a long time and said “I heard that you had moved to Chicago.” I told her that was strange, I had worked for 25 years at the university before retiring and didn’t move anywhere. She told me “Oh he is not doing so good these days”. His sister-in-law also said something about going out to check on him every once in a while with her husband. Apparently he has run off anyone who really cared for him & tried to help him. He had a self-admitted alcoholic as a roommate and he died a few months ago. The whole point of this is even when you think someone has never suffered maybe they have, not in the way you think that they should have for what they did to you but every day that passes by they will reap a bit of what they’ve sown until it hits them that there is no one else who will care for them. That has to be a special type of hell for someone who is a user. And that sister-in-law who encouraged his brother to go check on him has also died this past fall and so she’s not there either.
deadgerbil · 26-30
Jeephikelove · 51-55, F
Ducky · 31-35, F
No. There are plenty of people I've fallen out with I'm no longer mad at, but won't ever forgive because they broke my trust, which is something I believe is unforgivable. One can think "Well, if you're really not mad at them at all then you would forgive them", I don't care. I know I'm really not angry with them anymore. Hell, I can even wish them a nice life and mean it. I just don't want anything to do with them because, again, I don't feel they can be trusted.
dancingtongue · 80-89, M
I can forgive without forgetting. Contrary to the popular adage, they are distinctly different. We are all human and make mistakes, or have misunderstandings, so forgiving is just accepting the foibles of being human and giving them another chance. Forgetting may come over time -- as we age, that happens more and more -- but in the short term it not to bear a grudge but just prudence to see if it is part of a pattern, which is a different issue from a one time mis-step.
SW-User
@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout Best answer ever. He's the only one who can condemn also.
BrewCityBarfly · M
Depending on why I'm angry at someone, and who they are, will dictate the net result. There are people I worked with that I will still get angry if I think about them. In that respect, I don't think I've forgiven them, they just aren't a part of my life anymore, and I'm actually thankful for that.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
I have forgiven some people dozens of times but it gets to the point you know they are playing you when they refuse to make an effort to change. Then I give it to God and move on without them messing me around
Hopefuldreamer231 · 26-30, F
Forgiveness is a process. Forgiveness is also a choice. The emotions you feel may not change. Have patience and awareness of your emotional experiences through the forgiveness process.
SW-User
Depends on the argument.
I won't forget what people said/did but I won't constantly keep those things in mind. They are in some corner of my sub conscious until I get the chance.
I won't forget what people said/did but I won't constantly keep those things in mind. They are in some corner of my sub conscious until I get the chance.
Rambler · 61-69, M
Not like that, no. If it's forgiven then it's all over and forget it. If it's serious then I'm done with you and you'll never get close again.
iamBen · M
I suppose that depends on what you feel forgiveness means. To me, acceptance has to be enough sometimes and that's as close to forgiveness as I get.
ABCDEF7 · M
Forgive and forget, completely.
Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. - Buddha
Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. - Buddha
SW-User
It's unusual that I stay angry for long.
But not everyone wants or needs ones forgiveness.
But not everyone wants or needs ones forgiveness.
Bklynbadboy12 · 31-35, M
@SW-User i forgive but i never forget
meJess · F
Anger is usually fear turned outward, when you have no more fear of being hurt the anger is gone.
akindheart · 61-69, F
@meJess mine has nothing to do with fear. but they should be.
hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M
Failing to forgive them is giving them power over you. Forgiving is for your sake not theirs.
Nah I’m a grudge holder. Unless I have to pretend to be professional, you’re going to know.
Spoiledbrat · F
I've always thought you had to be passed it but what do I know.
Bklynbadboy12 · 31-35, M
@Spoiledbrat No you are right you cant forgive anyone when you're pissed off
SW-User
No. I lived and still do live with anger about some things. I just learnt how to forget.
Heartlander · 80-89, M
No. Just move the subject to the background. Give karma a chance to resolve the issue.
BackyardShaman · 61-69, M
I don’t forgive anyone, it’s over. I’m cold but I am real.
Teirdalin · 31-35
Not necessarily, just takes more effort to otherwise.
SimplyLogicalDiscipline · 36-40, F
I don't waste time/memory for storing unwanted info