Tell me your most offensive jokes
There is no limit to what you can say and once the thread goes dead I will pick a winner and give them a gift as a trophy
26-30, M
This post may contain Adult content.
Freeranger · M
Frank and Ralph had been friends for many years. As was their habit, they would stop by for a beer at the corner bar after quitting time at their respective jobs pretty much every night.
On a particular Wednesday and Thursday night after work, Ralph had failed to show. Frank had a quick one both nights and left. He'd become a little concerned for his friend as this wasn't like him.
Friday night Frank arrived once again like clockwork, ponied up to the bar, lit a Pall Mall and signaled for his usual Pabst. Not long after, the door swung open and Ralph shuffled in, the door clanging shut behind him. He took his seat on the stool next to Frank, and raised his finger to the barkeep for his usual. Looking over, Frank recoiled in horror as he turned to say something to Ralph, who's face was beaten to a pulp. He was a mess.
"What ta hell happened to you!" Frank asked. Ralph slowly pulled a Lucky out of his shirt pocket, stuck a match to it and inhaled. Looking back over, he replied......"Frankie, I messed up big time." "You screwed up big time, whadda ya talkin' about" he gasped.
"Well, it's like this" he said.
Wednesday night I stopped over to the neighbor's to help him out on a small plumbin' job Ralph said. "He's not very handy with tools."
Frank nodded, and he was all ears clearly wanting to hear the whole story.
"So, I go over after work to knock it out quick so I could stop by for a beer, but when I get there, he's not there, only his wife was." "She's a real looker Frankie.....I mean, a real looker, and she's always been real friendly to me." "So, I'm at the sink, got my tool bag open and she tells me her husband has been asked to work over and would I mind if I went on without him and that she could hand me tools or whatever," he said rolling his eyes a little.
"Well, right away I get to work 'cause she's makin' me nervous, so I undid the elbow but it's stuck, so I jump up for the hammer, but she's standing right in front of me, smilin' that smile and.....well Frankie, before I know it, one thing leads to another and before I know it, my pants are at my ankles and her shorts are off and her boobs are bouncing out of her blouse and she's laying on her back at the kitchen table and we're goin' at it."
Frank's eyes widen in total surprise and he wants to interject but Ralph cuts him off.
"It's just about here Frank. that it all went to shit" Ralph mutters. "She moanin' and enjoying herself, my blood is pounding in my ears and then......we both hear the front door open and in walks her old man through the front door."
"Hoooooleee shit Ralph,......what did you do!?" "Do?" Ralph said. "His wife, now lyin' on her stomach pushes herself up on her elbows, looks back at me and gasps, Quick! hit the back door!!
Ralph pauses at that moment, inhales deeply on his Lucky and looks over at Frank who is hanging by a thread........"it's not every day a man hears that Frankie."
On a particular Wednesday and Thursday night after work, Ralph had failed to show. Frank had a quick one both nights and left. He'd become a little concerned for his friend as this wasn't like him.
Friday night Frank arrived once again like clockwork, ponied up to the bar, lit a Pall Mall and signaled for his usual Pabst. Not long after, the door swung open and Ralph shuffled in, the door clanging shut behind him. He took his seat on the stool next to Frank, and raised his finger to the barkeep for his usual. Looking over, Frank recoiled in horror as he turned to say something to Ralph, who's face was beaten to a pulp. He was a mess.
"What ta hell happened to you!" Frank asked. Ralph slowly pulled a Lucky out of his shirt pocket, stuck a match to it and inhaled. Looking back over, he replied......"Frankie, I messed up big time." "You screwed up big time, whadda ya talkin' about" he gasped.
"Well, it's like this" he said.
Wednesday night I stopped over to the neighbor's to help him out on a small plumbin' job Ralph said. "He's not very handy with tools."
Frank nodded, and he was all ears clearly wanting to hear the whole story.
"So, I go over after work to knock it out quick so I could stop by for a beer, but when I get there, he's not there, only his wife was." "She's a real looker Frankie.....I mean, a real looker, and she's always been real friendly to me." "So, I'm at the sink, got my tool bag open and she tells me her husband has been asked to work over and would I mind if I went on without him and that she could hand me tools or whatever," he said rolling his eyes a little.
"Well, right away I get to work 'cause she's makin' me nervous, so I undid the elbow but it's stuck, so I jump up for the hammer, but she's standing right in front of me, smilin' that smile and.....well Frankie, before I know it, one thing leads to another and before I know it, my pants are at my ankles and her shorts are off and her boobs are bouncing out of her blouse and she's laying on her back at the kitchen table and we're goin' at it."
Frank's eyes widen in total surprise and he wants to interject but Ralph cuts him off.
"It's just about here Frank. that it all went to shit" Ralph mutters. "She moanin' and enjoying herself, my blood is pounding in my ears and then......we both hear the front door open and in walks her old man through the front door."
"Hoooooleee shit Ralph,......what did you do!?" "Do?" Ralph said. "His wife, now lyin' on her stomach pushes herself up on her elbows, looks back at me and gasps, Quick! hit the back door!!
Ralph pauses at that moment, inhales deeply on his Lucky and looks over at Frank who is hanging by a thread........"it's not every day a man hears that Frankie."
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Ihatetheworld · 26-30, M
@Lilnonames no need for that I was just letting them build up a bit before I came back
Ihatetheworld · 26-30, M
@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout yeah I got to watch your p's and q's when you're on probation lol
goliathtree · 56-60, M
@TheOneyouwerewarnedabout pansy
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goliathtree · 56-60, M
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Lilymoon · F
Knock Knock
checkoutanytime · 41-45, M
I sit down at the bar and a drunk guy immediately turns to me and says, My Wife died from the crabs. I'm confused but then he repeats himself. I said, You can't die from the crabs. The man looks directly into my eyes and says, You can if you give them to me.
