Making a list

So my therapist asked me to make a list of all the things I do during the day that are other people, then make a list for everything I do for myself excluding hygiene. Said that didn't count.

the list was very long for everyone else's needs. And I had like 2 things I do for myself on mine. He said this was something we needed to work on. I put everyone's needs first. He even laughed at me because hamsters list was longer than mine.

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kodiac · 22-25, M

Just a thought in a way isn't taking care of you kids a form of self love ? I mean even if you spent every waking hour on your kids none of that time is wasted. Reading posts about people caring for their kids gives me hope for this world .I spent my childhood in foster care ,i would have sold my soul for a dad like you.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@kodiac yes but he wants me to focus on self care for myself. I put everyone's needs in front of mine. I don't take time for me, but honestly I don't think it's bad but it seems others feel I need to take better care of my needs as well.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

You are selfless and it is beautiful. 🙏🏼 It just needs to be mixed with self love.

Don't stress over it... it comes with time. Just the fact that you are thinking about it is going to inspire you.

How about your favorite activities from childhood? Something you really loved doing and made you excited? Even spending time with the people you love (for your sake!).

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@Friendlyperson thank you for being so sweet! I use to go for nice walks when I was a kid to get away and clear my head. I really enjoyed it and it was very peaceful too. I would got really early right as the sun was coming up. I probably don't have a choice now because my partner is really wanting me to do more self care.

MyMonstersAreReal · F

When I was going through therapy they had me do the same thing and also told me I need to put myself first sometimes. Kinda hard when you’re the parent to 3 young kids.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@MyMonstersAreReal yes it is. Very hard and when I'm not doing something that is productive I feel guilty. Why should I be wasting time when I need to do something, help the kids, get everything ready for the next day. I honestly feel so bad if I've missed something and they have to fix it or redo something.

4meAndyou · F

Well, that's the kind of person you ARE, isn't it? And so am I. Thankfully, I no longer have a family to take care of.

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4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy101 You have to think of what makes YOU happy! Watching beautiful videos of nature? Going for a walk alone in a gorgeous park? Getting a mani-pedi? (Men get those all the time!)...going for a massage?

If it was ME I would get a massage, a mani-pedi, and go SHOPPING!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou I like the walk idea but I worry my mind will wonder while I'm spending this time alone thinking about all the things I should be doing instead of wasting it on myself

being · 36-40, F

@Cigarguy101 exercise? Yoga, gym, martial arts? Or simply arts...? Music?
You're not wasting it on yourself! You're giving it to yourself. If you are in a better mood and shape, everyone around you are benefitted too...

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