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I Have Taken Anabolic Steroids

I've been clean since July, but I remember why I started in the first place. I didn't like who I had become, but I like this less.

In the words of Brooks Hatlen;

I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay.

(And no, I'm not talking about suicide. I'm talking about using again)

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Serenitree · F

Oh, Brooksy. Is that why you were gone for a few weeks in the summertime? I hope you will stay strong. Avoid going back to using. We're here for you. I know it's not the same as being there for you, but it is the best I have to offer. My head and my heart are with you. ☺️💞

Dec. 17/16
11:01 am

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Brooksy · 41-45, M

Yeah, but it won't be any time soon. There's a lot of prep work to be done.

Serenitree · F

@Brooksy: I won't pretend to understand. I don't. But I do hope that you will reconsider. I fear what I don't know. I don't know anything about steroids except what I've heard about others who've used them. Sending you hugs, and herhiddenface to kick your ass.

Dec. 17/16
11:28 am

Brooksy · 41-45, M

Thanks Serenitree 😊

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

It will be okay. You have two beautiful children and want to set an example for them. Would you want them to do drugs?

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herhiddenface

@Brooksy: dude. It's what I'm here for.

Serenitree · F

@herhiddenface: please keep being a pain in his ass. I don't know how.

Dec. 17/16
11:16 am

herhiddenface

@Serenitree: teamwork

Brooksy · 41-45, M

I'm sorry for this dramatic post, folks. It was out of line. Things are a little out of control right now and quite frankly, using steroids, the right way, requires a lot of hard work and discipline and looking back, the ability to keep my fingers on the pulse of it all, was appealing. I still haven't decided against it, but I'm working on that 🙂

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Brooksy · 41-45, M

@Serenitree: Thank you. My kiddos are what keep me clean. It's not that it's all that addictive, but I really was oblivious to the world around me and that's kind of what I'm missing right now. The next meal, the program, that particular muscle group, definition, that's all I had to focus on. Life was easy. Facing reality can be a real bugger sometimes.

That's wonderful news about your granddaughter. I hope she stays strong

Brooksy · 41-45, M

@InOtterWords: We probably will, from here on out 😉

InOtterWords · F

@Brooksy: I'm counting on you

SW-User

I think you must now try to remember why you stopped! Remember what is truly the most important thing in the world to you. I know you're struggling, we all have that. Although knowing that doesn't make it easier, know you're not alone.

[image deleted]

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SW-User

@Brooksy: de nada. Hey Brooksy is back. Thank goodness! That other pic was weirding me out!

Brooksy · 41-45, M

Weirding, huh? That's the first time it was explained like that 😉

SW-User

@Brooksy: yes, weirding!

herhiddenface

Please don't

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herhiddenface

@Brooksy: no rush if I don't respond it's just cause I work later.

Serenitree · F

@Brooksy: I know people like your wife. It's impossible, in my experience, to convince them that they can't change the world, so they have to change how they react to the world and the people in it. They have to come to that realization on their own.

Good luck my friend. I hope you can crawl past this crisis and stand up straight and strong on the other side.

Dec. 17/16
1:01 pm

herhiddenface

@Brooksy: I'm gonna just try to send you all the info. If you have questions just ask. That way there isn't so much back and forth communication. 🙃

Inmyownshoes · 41-45, F

Hope that moment has passed.

You have faith, you know it will, like all moments...

Breathe in strength
And exhale fear

Think about God's gift

Breathe in strength
And exhale fear

Brooksy · 41-45, M

Thank you. That's a wonderful way to think. I'm doing a little soul searching today and this'll certainly come in handy 🙂

InOtterWords · F

I can't begin to preach to you about what to do and what not to do, not when I never listen to anyone.
I just know that we have a choice, my current thoughts are suicide or no suicide. And I'm current weighted more against one than the other but am fighting it. My resistance is low, my world is raging, yet I am still here.

I need to believe I can do this or I'll give up now, I need to believe others too can make that journey, or I'll give up now.
So maybe if you feel that urge, think of me, sitting next to you, also fighting the urge.
Let's just get through today first what do you think?

Brooksy · 41-45, M

I'm in! We'll get to tomorrow and see what it brings, huh? 😉

InOtterWords · F

@Brooksy: yes
Let's talk again tomorrow

SunshineSwirl · 51-55, F

Kudos for quitting... :)

Brooksy · 41-45, M

Thanks Sunshine! Now to maintain 🙂

SunshineSwirl · 51-55, F

You can do it! :)

Ynotjenn · F

Seriously?

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Ynotjenn · F

@Brooksy: ..blinking box. That's all I got

Brooksy · 41-45, M

I know you're not happy. I'm sorry

Ynotjenn · F

@Brooksy: 👍

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