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Has anyone blackmailed you and using it to weasel his way in to a relationship with you?

I have done something embarrassing and bad in the past and has recently resurfaced. This guy I know has been using it to get me to go out with him. I originally joined the site to get it out of my system but still held back. I don’t want to disappoint nor shame my family but every time I ignore him, he drops subtle hints. He is starting to show up unannounced or ring my father to have small talks. He would get his sister to ring me and chat etc. I can’t stand him and everything about him irritates and annoy me.

I’m thinking of telling my family what I’ve done so I can tell this A-hole to f**k off. I live in a small conservative religious village, gossip spread like wildfire here. 😢
LadyGrace · Best Comment
Never bow down to these types of threats.

Ever.

It’s time to turn the tables, and take your power back, and put this to an end. You’ve got the power here. Exercise it. If it still comes out, then you’ll finally be free of it, but you pull the strings...don’t allow it any more power over you. The truth sets you free. It can’t bind you anymore. It only has the power you give it. You’ve suffered and carried this enough. Enough is enough.

Everyone makes mistakes. Hold your head high, and firmly make it clear to him that.... “If you think that’s the right thing to do, go ahead, but let me remind you, that blackmail is a serious crime, and should you do this, you will go to prison, and the inmates will be more than glad to have a new “girlfriend” inside. They will rape you repeatedly, beat you, and you’ll get solitary confinement.”

One more thing, if you were to give in to him he will always use it against you. He will make you do more and more disgusting things, maybe even pressure you to have sex with other people or smuggle drugs for him.

These types of people do not stick to their word. Ever. They are terribly broken people who do not play by any conventional rules.
@PilinisesiofParadise If you feel you must, then do. That is very brave of you, and I am so proud of you. You’ll have a load taken off you. I’m hoping they’ll break all ties with that guy.
@rckt148 Amen, Brother Rick. Amen! That’s why I mentioned the Truth will set you free. 🤗 Beautiful song and words.
@PilinisesiofParadise Don’t forget to thank God for His blessings in this situation. He’s the one who sets us free, as He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32. We must give credit, where credit is due.

Also, remember. You don’t need to explain details to anyone. The more you cower, the worse people will take advantage of that and try to make you feel ashamed. Be firm, stand tall, and if your parents or anyone asks, I’d just say, “There’s not one person, who’s never made a mistake. I’ve made mine, I’ve asked God to forgive me, and that’s the end of it. I’ve moved on. End of story.” Period!! You need say no more. Not to anyone. And don’t act or look ashamed. You’re not the only person who’s made mistakes in this life. If they don’t ask, don’t volunteer. It makes you look weak and guilty.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@LadyGrace
Thank you Grace for your courageous words.

It’s time I stop being a coward and face it. I don’t this to continue anymore.
@PilinisesiofParadise Exactly, and I know you can do it. There’s no fear on the other side, once you have power over it. You rule IT. IT doesn’t rule you, any longer. Once it’s all exposed, game over. You’ve taken the thrill out of the manipulation for your abuser. However never make the mistake of threatening your abuser. You’re just reminding him what could happen....nothing more!! No cursing, no saying, “When I get through with you.....”. No. Say your peace, stand by it, then don’t say one more word, because IF YOU DO, you’ll just show him you’re scared and insecure about your decision, and you’ll just victimize yourself again, and he’ll SEE you as a cowardly victim. Silence is golden! After you’ve said your peace, keep silent! Not another word, not any contact of any sort, whatsoever!!! NO responses!!! You don’t want to give him any feedback to respond to. Chickens, chicken out.
Slow down. You’re not thinking, here. I cannot emphasise enough. Go to the police station and stir things up right after you have talked to him, and you will have more problems than you can shake a stick at, believe me. The talk should be enough. That’s the whole purpose of negotiation. Why even have that talk with him I suggested, if you’re going to start a war before he’s had time to soak it all in? Never corner your enemy. Usually, blackmailers are all talk. Stand up to them, and they usually cower down. Once you let them know what could happen, they usually talk brave, but in private, cower down and that is it. But you’re not even giving this guy a chance to think about negotiating ....and I’m not talking about threatening him. The whole purpose is to talk it out. Usually it ends there, but your ready to go gung-ho and start shooting, before he’s even had a chance to think about what you’ve told him. Going to the police will only infuriate him from your attack, and by going to the police, YOU have started the war, in HIS eyes, and now you’ve got someone set on retaliating against you, perhaps wanting to harm you, stalk you, or kill you! Always give your enemy a way out! Never corner him. Corner him, and that’s when he goes crazy, gets desperate to make his point, then starts stalking you or hurting you.
If negotiation doesn’t work, then you think about other choices, but not until.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
I had a 5 min thing with a neighbor and it turned into years of her blackmailing me ,
Let them tap into my power when her man was to sorry to pay his bill
Use my van cause poor Daniel needs milk and diapers ,hitting me up for money because her drunk knows I will do anything for her ,
But if I said no she was telling me what a shame it would be if my wife knew what we had done ,,and now she is not even fine to me ,,how was I so stupid ?

I knew it was going to ruin my marriage ,the second we did the deed I knew it was a huge mistake .
She was saying next time we could do it in my wifes bed ,NO that is never happening ,,this was a mistake ,a bad mistake ,this will kill my wife

But she was hard to resist ,and my wife was putting her Mom before me ,
I was home every night alone ,while she was with her Mom instead of home with her husband ,so that was my excuse ,my wife caused it leaving me alone to often knowing a good looking woman (who flirted in front of my wife )
She actually wanted me to leave my wife for her ,my wife was younger and way prettier ,,,I just got caught up in the fantasy .

I asked my brother what he thought ,he is 10 yrs older ,He tells me to go for it ,,
But then when I finally confess ,not only to my wife ,but my family and hers too
I wanted to confess everything ,no one to ever be able to put me in a position like this again ,,so I confessed crap I done through out my entire life ..

If I was losing my wife and my life anyway ,get it all out there

It took years to recover ,but guess who was there to comfort my wife
My Brother ,,,I should have busted his snake in the grass ass too
he was cheating on his wife ,,but his was more than a 1 time thing .

But I don't snitch on others ,even when they pull that
I was happy to have MY SINS off my chest

I have never allowed myself to be put in that situation again
MightySizeQueen · 36-40, F
@PilinisesiofParadise you can always confess in those churches that I seen on TV. ... Or tonight between you and your god. You may wake up as a new person tomorrow 😊
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@PilinisesiofParadise After it was all out ,she and her man split up too.
Her sisters and even her daughter actually started chasing me for a while ,
one of her sisters and I actually dated ,but I never let that go anywhere
But she actually thought I would want her when she had black mailed me ..
I was the cause of my Marriage ending ,that is 100% on me
But no way in hell after it cost me so much was I going to live with a constant reminder ,and rub salt into the wound that I had inflicted on my wife ..
My wife is still single ,after me she never wanted to marry again .that was 25 yrs ago
She said I was a tough act to follow ,and she never wanted to feel that pain again ,,a few years ago I got to tell her again how sorry I was .
She was OK ,2 kids but never married the Dads ,she called them sperm donors
She still said I was it ,,she wished all that never happened ,she still loved me ,,I still love her too ,,but the damage was done ,and we can't go back again ,,but I sure as hell can learn from it ,,I will never cheat again
Mom or no Mom ,she was an angel ,she did not deserve that ,I couldn't keep lying to her ,and I was not about to let our families think I divorce was in any way her fault ,,
I gave her everything ,I left broke and penniless
I deserved to live on the streets ,,
I was mad for a while her asking me to leave before I could get somewhere to go, and I was disabled ,,but had she done it to me I would not have been able to stand the sight of her either
Valuable lesson
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@MightySizeQueen that only deals with the sin
God always forgives ,,but that don't stop babies from still coming ,people who died are still dead ,we still need to face the music to make it really be behind us ,,
Then Christ will carry your heavy burden and make it light
Confession also takes away satans power ,
When its all out there ,buried in Christ ,Christ can no longer see that sin
Neither can he ..
He has no ammo or past to remind me of
I paid my price for it too ,,I come clean
What I did is old news
MightySizeQueen · 36-40, F
1. Go to your Dr and complain having anxiety about him.

2. Wait for a week, tell your family what's up and you do not want to see him.

3. If he does show up, call the cops.

Then show the cops about your Dr visit.

No woman should be uncomfortable in the house she lives in

Oh, and own up to your shit before he does. Don't let him have the power
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@MightySizeQueen
You have given me a great idea. I will write everything down first before going to the station.
MightySizeQueen · 36-40, F
@PilinisesiofParadise make sure you are within the correct jurisdiction. Good night and keep us posted. I'm sure someone else is going thru this and haven't have enough courage to speak up
@PilinisesiofParadise No. That’s NOT good advice. Why stir up more trouble and keep this going, once you’ve told your family??? You’ll just drag this on, when it could have ended with your talk to your family and him. Get that man worked up, and he’ll give you something to worry about. He’ll keep this going and it will escalate. The last thing you want to do, is get hold of the police and get a restraining order and all that. When you tell your family, then tell him what you need to say, that’s all you need, because more retaliation will just cause you more problems down the line, unless he is threatening your person.
iQuit · F
A long....... time ago
this guy tried me to go out with him or else- he would incriminate me with false evidence since one of his relatives had a position of power within some government office or agency

Well anyway, I just blocked him
It would be insane to give someone who is out of their damn mind the time of day.


Plus... people get over what other people do- Even if rumors start and people know- we all have issues to deal with and whatever is said about you will be forgotten with - who ever else's name is put in the rumor mill within the next couple days.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@iQuit
Nothing incriminating, it’s only embarrassing for me. I think coming to this site and reading some of the stories here has helped me gained courage.

You guys replying to my plea with great advices has given me the momentum to end his charade. 🙏🏻
iQuit · F
@PilinisesiofParadise I hope you nothing but the best and that this nightmare ends soon

No one deserves having their time wasted with nonesense.
Remember you have all the power in this situation 🙂 You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@iQuit
Thank you so much. ☺️
Thank you for best answer, but all the credit goes to the One who helps and rescues.
ScarletWitch · 31-35, F
Restraining order is the only way
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@HerKing
I won’t back down, it’s time to face him head on.
HerKing · 61-69, M
@PilinisesiofParadise Keep a cool head...Think it through. Tell at least one close friend you can trust too. You don't have to carry this alone.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@HerKing
I am close to my elder sister, I will tell her first and then tonight we speak to the rest of my family.
GlitterBug · 22-25, F
I had it happen before. He ended up telling everyone what I did, which was handled by family and friends much better than I expected, and then he threatened to kill me after that. Then he threatened to take me to court even though I didn’t do anything lol so I got a restraining order and that seemed to do the trick.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@GlitterBug
Thank you for sharing, it makes feel better that I’m not alone in this. I hope my family will be as understanding as yours were.
unknownpoetx · 36-40, M
@GlitterBug what have you done?
GlitterBug · 22-25, F
That’s a secret @unknownpoetx
HerKing · 61-69, M
Call the police...Blackmail is a crime.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@HerKing
Yes, I will have to do that because this is starting to affect me.
@PilinisesiofParadise Worst thing you could do right now. You’re getting the cart before the horse. Bad, bad advise from others. But in the end, you have to make your own choice.
unknownpoetx · 36-40, M
what something embarrassing?
Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F
Yikes what a total creep. To live true is the best way. No one wants to shame their families but you shouldn’t let anyone bully you. If you coming clean to those you care for stops this harassment then it might be what you need to do.
PilinisesiofParadise · 31-35, F
@Mrsbetweenfatandfit
That’s why I want to sit them down and speak to them about it.
This message was deleted by its author.
HerKing · 61-69, M
@unknownpoetx none of your business.
unknownpoetx · 36-40, M
@HerKing mind your own business

 
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