You arrive home from an event and you return home to find me in your towel and eating leftovers from the fridge

I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m a good cook, and everyone who comes here raids my fridge for leftovers 🤣

I rip the towel off we drop our panties and say. We have something you can eat right here

.....i'd tell you you're gonna have a major case of diarrhea over the next couple of days

I don't let anyone in my home...without a phone call first. 😒

Plus i don't like surprises

... Did you feed the dogs? Have they gone potty??

This happened to my Uncle. He was coming to stay at his sisters new house and let himself in. Turned out he got the street number wrong. The owners, Aunty Joan's Neighbours were shocked to find him there but handled it well. Luckily for him they didn't call the cops, he had just been released from prison.

Well the sirens might clue you in

If im still hungry ill join you

“Hello, emergency. I have a stranger in my house, please come and collect”.

Eat all the ice cream so I don't get fat

I scream and you jump.

Depends on how cute your butt is.

Imma take a seat and join ya toots:)

I'd see if you was eating ashes food

you're welcome for the hepatitis 🤗

If I don't know who you are, you'll see this