Do I need a specific reason to be depressed?

@Cigarguy101
I will do that.
I'm battling depression alone indeed. People think it is burnout, but I know it is the depressive cycle of my disorder.
I am seriously thinking of a sick leave. But by whom? The psychiatrist? Word will get around. I'm not ready for that.

@Friendlyperson your mental health and wellness are more important than what you're coworkers will think. And I'm willing to bet you are not alone. But please get some help, reach out even if it's here. There are many kind hearted people that will listen to you and let you vent.

@Jayciedubb I wasn't alluding to my bipolar, I just could not stay silent. My behavior was gradually changing... perhaps I felt like I owed them an explication... or perhaps I needed some empathy at work because it is so ruthless and nobody understands. She was nice about it at the end of the day, thankfully.

I won't tell anyone I see a psychiatrist or I'm on mood stabilizers. Especially not at work.

My truth my be resurfacing indeed... but my brain just can't seem to voice it to the people who are close to me like my family.

@Friendlyperson I understand. When I began seeking MH treatment, my shrink had me on one med that he was convinced was what i needed, but it wasn't working for me. Rather than try something else, he doubled down on the one. I was popping them at coffe, lunch, etc, and they had me trembling and sweating like a one legged blind man in an ass kicking contest. I had to explain my behavior before a story would be invented. For the most part, people were supportive, but i did get treated a little differently and not in a good way.

I lost count of all the psychiatrists and psychologists and their different diagnosis and drugs to treat them. One doc diagnosed me with ADD. another with ADHD. I even had one tell me I was bipolar.

Finally, I checked in with Veteran's Affairs for a study they were conducting. While i was there, I did some browsing of their various MH pamphlets. When I read the one about PTSD, and all the symptoms, I had to fight back the tears. Finally all my symptoms were addressed. It felt like I was being rescued from a desert island.

Then came the hardcore meds and intense treatment. One on one therapy, many different group therapies.

The drugs they had me on were too intense for me. They did let me sleep but my dreams were crazy. I had been noticing other vets that were like zombies and they all wore suspenders because they couldn't remember to button up after using the toilet. I felt like that's where I was headed so I cut all ties with the VA . ..most ties. but definitely cut out the MH care.

I decided its ok to be sad about shit that makes me sad and mad about things that make me mad, etc. Yes, it sucks living with PTSD, but at least I'm living. I have a helplessly disabled son who needs me to keep on living, so that's my plan

@CGS1986 What attitude? :)

@SomeMichGuy Indeed
I absolutely need it anyways

@Friendlyperson Yeah. And saying it that way is both true and not terribly revealing, right?

@SomeMichGuy That's true 🙏🏼

@LadyGrace I think she was worried. I did tell her it was just me and there was no reason. I'm kind of embarrassed myself that I have no reason to tell. It feels weak, even if my brain knows otherwise.
MH illness is really hard to deal with...

@JimboSaturn Indeed. Sometimes I wish I could convince myself of that.

@YoMomma depression hits when it hits... it doesnt need a specific reason

@LordBarbossa That's understandable...
It is just hard to say it...