Do I need a specific reason to be depressed?

I was messaging a friend at work and we were talking about work drama and then I said, out of the blue, I probably need a long sick leave. She asked why, I gathered all the courage and answered that I wasn't doing well...

She asked: why, what happened? Is there anything wrong going on in your life?

Obviously I can't tell her about my bipolar II so I didn't answer yet.

But, seriously... does something wrong have to be happening right now for me to feel like I can't handle life anymore?
How am I supposed to answer her?! I kinda regret talking cause now I gotta say something.

Ps: work is detrimental to my MH, but it doesn't feel enough to justify how I am.

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Jayciedubb · 56-60, M

Ok, I'm just going to be honest. If you can't tell anyone about your BP2, you shouldn't have alluded to it. It's like announcing that you have a secret but you're not going to tell anyone.

Now that I've acknowledged the gorilla in the room, we should ask why it's there. It's only natural to ask if you're safe. This could be a cry for help. If it is, it wouldn't mean you're weak. It would mean you're human. We all have survival needs.

Im wondering if this is what happens when you live with a secret like yours. It's like Buddha said, there are 3 things that you can't keep down. The Sun, the moon and the truth. Maybe your truth is surfacing and you need to expose it. If so, you picked the right place.

Although your condition is nothing to be ashamed of, maybe you shouldn't tell people who you spend a third of your life with, half of your conscious life.

You never know what other people might think and/or the rumors they might spread. You can't have a bad day or make any mistakes without there being a question about your meds.

If you're feeling unfulfilled, try to pick up a simple hobby. Something that will give you a bit of a challenge. ..puzzles? Idk...

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@Jayciedubb I wasn't alluding to my bipolar, I just could not stay silent. My behavior was gradually changing... perhaps I felt like I owed them an explication... or perhaps I needed some empathy at work because it is so ruthless and nobody understands. She was nice about it at the end of the day, thankfully.

I won't tell anyone I see a psychiatrist or I'm on mood stabilizers. Especially not at work.

My truth my be resurfacing indeed... but my brain just can't seem to voice it to the people who are close to me like my family.

Jayciedubb · 56-60, M

@Friendlyperson I understand. When I began seeking MH treatment, my shrink had me on one med that he was convinced was what i needed, but it wasn't working for me. Rather than try something else, he doubled down on the one. I was popping them at coffe, lunch, etc, and they had me trembling and sweating like a one legged blind man in an ass kicking contest. I had to explain my behavior before a story would be invented. For the most part, people were supportive, but i did get treated a little differently and not in a good way.

I lost count of all the psychiatrists and psychologists and their different diagnosis and drugs to treat them. One doc diagnosed me with ADD. another with ADHD. I even had one tell me I was bipolar.

Finally, I checked in with Veteran's Affairs for a study they were conducting. While i was there, I did some browsing of their various MH pamphlets. When I read the one about PTSD, and all the symptoms, I had to fight back the tears. Finally all my symptoms were addressed. It felt like I was being rescued from a desert island.

Then came the hardcore meds and intense treatment. One on one therapy, many different group therapies.

The drugs they had me on were too intense for me. They did let me sleep but my dreams were crazy. I had been noticing other vets that were like zombies and they all wore suspenders because they couldn't remember to button up after using the toilet. I felt like that's where I was headed so I cut all ties with the VA . ..most ties. but definitely cut out the MH care.

I decided its ok to be sad about shit that makes me sad and mad about things that make me mad, etc. Yes, it sucks living with PTSD, but at least I'm living. I have a helplessly disabled son who needs me to keep on living, so that's my plan