Because there is no grand problem at the moment, I'm feeling restless.

I finished my work completely (no work at home during this weekend)

I left work early

I am not stressed about work per se, except for some arguements and stuff with a friend at work. But I believe it is not weighing on me much.

I even had time to watch a movie after work!

Now, I should be focusing on other aspects of my life... but I'm restless. I'm anxious. It feels like I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop. It feels like I have things undone. (Well, yeah, I do in my personal life) but instead of doing them I'm just stressed about nothing. (Usually I don't do them when I'm stressed about work, but I don't have work.)

I don't want this to happen to me...but the guilt for some reason is eating me, the feeling of unworthiness (even if objectively I know I'm wrong to feel it) is messing with my mind.
Even my family have noticed how low I've been feeling recently, and those are people I don't want them to see how deep I've fallen. (after my workmates)

I miss the days I had hypomania when I felt in harmony with the world. I don't know if I miss it or if I wish I never tasted it.

I can't believe the psychiatrist told me I am neutral now. I don't feel neutral, but perhaps this is my neutral and this is who I am.

Oh god help me.

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YoungPoet345 · 26-30, F

You probably aren’t used to having all that free time. I have felt the exact same way sometimes with lots of free time to myself that I wasn’t used to.

I have lots of things that I could do, but sometimes that feels overwhelming. So I found some lower level things I can do when that happens. I am connected to others and the world. But I also need meaningful ways to spend time outside of that when I cannot always be so connected or there isn’t a lot to do with my work.

Sometimes something as simple as checking on a personal project. Like my garden. Or listening to a podcast. Watching a movie. Like you said you did. Is meaningful enough at that moment and then pick up and go from there. Cooking a new recipe is always nice too. It’s important to take things one step at a time and give yourself some grace and compassion. Maybe just by taking one step and doing something enjoyable with your personal time/life instead of something you feel you must do, that could be a nice first step forward

AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F

I used to be that way. I was a supervisor so i was on on call 24/7 it was years ago. And the anxiety still hasn't left. I still check my phone at 2 or 3 am hoping that no one called in off work or was trying to reach me. I quit that job due to the stress and its still haunting me. 2 or 3 people called in once and i had to cover all their shifts working 36 hours straight with no sleep. Because no one else wanted to work. That was the straw for me that broke the camel's back. So now i have to keep my ringers turned off because of the anxiety of hearing the phone ring. I have 1 phone that no one knows the number to but immediate family and i only carry that one for peace of mind.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@AngelUnforgiven Wow, work really hurt you and I'm so so sorry about it. 💔🥹
I hope things are better today?

TinyViolins · 31-35, M

I used to be a lot like that. Always looking for a problem to solve. It was hard for me to accept things as they were. To just let things be. So when we can't find problems outside ourselves to take care of, we start finding them within

Nothing is ever perfect, but that doesn't mean things can't at least be ok for now

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

Hmm not knowing you and the whole picture, and you seem reluctant to talk about the personal life stuff. I cannot give you any advice other than the meme I am attaching for you!

Good luck and God Bless.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@WillaKissing We have talked before... you commented back in September about some of my *mildly adult* posts where I talked about very personal stuff.

And thank you for the quote. I hope that too! Amen to you too. 🌹💕

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Friendlyperson I remember those. Just not having the same type of issues that you have I could never say do this or that. But I can and will be supportive caring understanding we all need kindness.

You are quite welcome dear.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@WillaKissing Of course
Thank you for understanding and offering kindness 🥹🥰

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