Sounds like a quality in spite the issues you bring up.

I have a few relatives, family members who do and did fit that description. My judgement of them has tended to be in what they bring to the world rather than what they don't By not working, one thing they offer is that they are always there for you.

An uncle lived into his mid-90s and in his whole life was just employed part time for a few years. But he did also take care of my grandpa's property for about 50 years and would drop by relatives every few weeks to see if they needed any handy-man type work done. Others in grandpa's household relied on him to keep the rather large country estate in tip-top condition. His life seemed fulfilled with him just being there. He didn't have much money, but didn't need much and inheritance seemed to be enough for him.

One nephew also sort of fits in that same category. He's now in his 50s, has a bit of a learning issue, but otherwise a great kid who likewise just remained at home and as his parents aged he was their companion and facilitator. The parents are now deceased and he is now living with a sister. Like my uncle, what he offers is more valuable than what he lacks. But he's been out of my thoughts for a few years, so maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Another nephew is highly educated, smart, but is too self focused to hold a steady job. Likewise in his 50s, and maybe his best hope is that inheritance can sustain him for the next 30+ years.

The considerations for your friend, as I see it, is (1) whether he is happy with his situation, (2) whether he can sustain himself through his parents' declining years and after their deaths. Our uncle and nephew #1 seemed to be "yes" on both counts, but nephew #3 may be "no" on both counts.

Have you considered an "in between" suggestion? Like suggesting a fun, part-time job that won't put pressure on him, and still give him time to just hang out? And see where it goes from there?

I truly believe that there is no such thing as pure laziness, people always have a reason for their lifestyle and choices. He says that he has anxiety, so if I was to guess then I'd say his biggest obstacle is interacting with other people. You also mentioned that he's severely out of shape, and I'm thinking if that means he is very overweight, that makes the social problem even more difficult for him. When he respond's to you that he will just have to die eventually, instead of trying to build a life, I think that is his way of saying that he can't do what society asks of him, not even if the alternative is homelessness one day. It is entirely possible that he's as frightened for himself as you are for him, but he blames himself and therefore show apathy instead of fear and sadness, since he doesn't think he deserves to feel sad over problems that, in his mind, he has caused himself. To me it sounds like his self-esteem is incredibly low, and he can't imagine it ever getting any better, he has given up.

I think the best approach is to start focusing on things which may not seem related to getting a job, to start with.

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1) Weightloss.

If he is overweight, he might be stuck in a cycle because his current habits easily make him postpone losing weight, but he doesn't feel like he can change his habits before losing weight in the first place. I will say something very important: Loosing weight requires full focus! Obese people cannot lose weight while trying to do other things at the same time, like going to school, work, or even building a personal business! It is a completely different thing to lose 5kg or lose 20kg. If he is to lose weight, he needs to be focusing on it full time, in order to succeed, and I think this is a good place to start, because once he's done, he will automatically be ready for other things. He has to look at this journey systematically, for it to be possible for him. This needs to be his full-time project until he's done, he cannot even get too lost in video games while losing weight.

2) Psychological help.

I know some people would make this the first step, but if he is overweight, it's not a good idea. A psychiatrist will judge a fat person differently that a person who isn't fat. It can't be helped, all people experience people differently depending on their weight, and that is incredibly annoying to fat people. If he is thin when he meets a psychiatrist for the first time, he will have a much better experience, and the psychiatrist is a million times more likely to help him with his real problems. Last important thing is to see a real psychiatrist, not a psychologist or therapist, wince they won't be able to diagnose and prescribe medication should he need that. He doesn't need talking, he needs evaluation and help to overcome his anxiety.

3) Everything else.

Once he is thin and have been evaluated by a psychiatrist, it is likely that he is going to go get a job all by himself. He will feel like a new person, and actually have a will to live. Right now he sees no way out of his current lifestyle, but after the first two steps, his outlook on life will almost certainly completely change all by itself. In this time, the most critical thing is that he doesn't fall back into old habits. It can happen suddenly and easily, so when this time comes, help him stay on the right track, until he finds a new circle of friends, a place in the world to belong so to speak.

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Well, you can always try to show him this and see what he says. I don't even know if he's actually overweight, or just in bad shape, but either way it only takes like 3 weeks of intense exercise (intense compared to how intense it actually is for the person in question), before it gets a million times easier to run around, walk up stairs, even if the person is still fat, so there is that. A fat person will have no trouble doing tasks that they do daily, after some time.

I don't think you will ever get anywhere with scaring him by talking about his future, because he is already terrified, he just can't do what you want from him. It is much better to tackle the real problems, one by one, to actually help him.

Well, if he gets treatment for his depression and ADHD or whatever he has and wants a remote freelance job, I can refer him to the company I work for in training AI, and even help him create a resume and portfolio. But the rest is up to him to learn about AI and put in the work to follow through, and he needs a computer.

I know what it's like to give up on life. I feel like giving up every day and I have days where I give up, but it's up to him to want to get the help he needs because this country is going to 💩 and being homeless in America is no joke because Trump wants to start shoving the homeless into concentration camps and we know how well that went the last time they did that.

Best of luck to you and your friend.

Sounds like your friend needs to see a psychiatrist. Being chronically late, lack of motivation and follow through and procrastinating can all be signs of ADHD. With untreated ADHD it can feel impossible to do anything. It’s hard to start things.

Maybe his course in life is different than yours obviously his family and you cannot poop again going down a successful career-driven path. I have a friend the same way. She made A's all through college got out never would accept a job offer that was offered to her. Enjoyed the party life too much. Just had a birthday in his 48th still lives at home with her parents in a huge house when they take care of all of her basic bills. And somehow she's got permanent disability. Her whole attitude in life is this at top set of trying to succeed on her own. I also had a stepson until his sister he felt like his job in life was to let other people take care of him so they felt good about themselves. When his sister told us this he was informed he had two weeks to get a job or move out. Anyway he ended up getting his stuff packed and he was sent to live with his biological father.

I hate to say it, but your dear friend is both lazy and has a victim mentality. Im sorry to ge the bearer of bad news here.

Two things that will sink himself and drag anyone close to him down. Two things I cannot stand.

Either 'tough love' him or cut him out of your life, both for your mental health amd protection for you. When his patents pass away, he will be looking for someone else he can take from, and you -being his caring closest friend- will feel.sorry for him will take him in bc youll feel sorry for him.

He will never -NEVER- take responsibility for his predicament, and where his life is clearly heading. He will drag you down.

Advise him he has 1 month to get a job, has to stay with it for a year or you will cut him out of your life -- and stick to it! Tough love here, something his parents should have done years ago.

He may be a lifelong friend, but if, by your own admission, you have tried and tried to talk to him about this situation and he refused to change, maybe it's time for you to distance yourself a little bit and see what happens. I also can't help but wonder if he isn't suffering from a bit of arrested development.

This is a lot…if this person does not have any type of mental illness then it sounds like just that as you said lazy… maybe there is more idk BUT if not then this is the path they choose and not much you or anyone else can do.

They don’t want a job they got life good in their eyes …I do t work yet I have everything I need food …shelter…clothing…even games and TV and and and … I don’t have to work and got all I need …NOT a bad gig in their eyes.

Yeah I am speaking from a very high level but ya know do they REALLY want to go and work and do all that …I think NO but they know what to say to garner sympathy

I wouldn’t bother with him any longer, I would tell him that you can no longer be friends with him until he gets his act together, I understand that you care for him but sometimes tough live is what it takes for people to wake up . His parents are a lot to blame for this also. They need to wake up and make him get a job and not help him anymore, he’s a grown man and should not be living off his parents. He needs to learn the hard way that life is tough and he needs to get off his ass and work to support himself. Maybe talk to his parents about your feelings and how they also need to make him get a job and support himself. Just maybe they will see the error in their ways of letting him sponge off of them . His best starting job offers would probably be in a fast food place without any prior job experience

There’s something psychologically wrong with this person and there’s nothing you can say that will correct it. Probably severely depressed. You can only control yourself. He has to want to do better and he doesn’t seem to.

For your protection, I’d start casually distancing myself from this person bc you’re going to be the next person he wants to leech off, and if you refuse he prob won’t understand. He’s going to spiral into a hot mess when his caregivers are gone and you don’t wanna be a part of that either.

Is there something he's not telling you? Is he developmentally disabled or something? If it really is just laziness and entitlement enabled by his family, then it will take a crisis to change him, like that family memeber dies and he's left on the street. Otherwise, he won't change. You can't change him, inviting him to stay at your home can't change him. He will blame everyone but himself before realizing it's him, and homelessness is likely the only way that will happen.

It's not your place to force him to get a job if he is already living comfortably with his family, what are you trying to force him to be a man so you can marry him or something? Probably not going to happen 😏

Did he study until recently? Does he have a degree?
Apparently, he has all the time in the world, what is he doing all those days?
He doesn't need to have a job but he needs to find a way to make enough money to afford a place to live.

Even if he does get work he couldn't afford rent or a house. There is so many people like that in this world

I suspect a fair number of homeless people have this attitude.

As long as he’s paying rent there’s really nothing you can do about it he is 30 he can do whatever he wants

He will be fine.
Just going through something right now.
It shall pass.

Nothing you can do. Surely by now you know you’re wasting your breath. Will of course be painful to watch, but he’s just gonna have to face the consequences of his actions (inactions.)

Walk away...

Do you know if he invests at least? He doesn't do any content creation?

And what exactly is your attraction to this person?

Something is wrong that is not being looked at.

Let me give you some advice: Mind your business.

He cUD alwayZ GeT a WomanZ anDZ LivES oFF HeRz

Your jobless friend, is secretly a vampire now and will bite you if you say that again about him.

As long as his parents keep enabling him he'll never grow up, just walk away.