My 30-year-old jobless friend refuses to help himself and it's infuriating.
I have a lifelong friend who is 30, and he has never had a job, never moved out, never really had any responsibilities beyond house chores that have always been optional to complete (as in he still gets his allowance... yes, he's 30 and still gets an allowance... whether he completes these chores or not). He very recently got his driver's license, only partially completed it over a year ago and waited until the very last minute until it was about to expire to finish it (only did written part at first, took driving part last). He is driving his family member's cars which are past their prime, one of which is on its last legs, and has no desire to get one of his own. I've spent YEARS talking to him about his future, telling him to quit procrastinating and kicking the can down the road... it just goes through one ear and out the other. Unfortunately, his well-meaning family just continues to enable him.
For the past several years, he's said he was going to get a job. Obviously, no effort has been made to do so. Once, a family member let him know about an opening at their workplace and he did absolutely nothing, then when the position was filled by someone else, told me it was "bullshit that that person took his job from him." He never even applied... I straight up told him, it's first come, first serve, no one is going to wait for you, and you are not entitled to any job. If you don't seize the opportunity, someone else will, and that's exactly what happened there.
Recently, I had yet another talk with him about getting a job, how he doesn't have the luxury of more time to waste, and how he needs to get on it ASAP because he's already going to have a hard time finding something with zero prior job history at 30, and it will only get worse the longer he waits. If I tell him he's going to get even further behind, he says "Well, I'm already behind." If I tell him it would be nice if his elderly family could retire, he tells me they won't be able to anyway because he has other family members mooching off of them (as if that somehow makes it okay for him to do it, even though he admits it's wrong). He tells me he has anxiety and isn't ready yet. Always an excuse, and absolutely zero concern for his own future. I tell him he's going to have no retirement, and he says "I won't live that long, anyway." I tell him he could end up homeless, and he says "I guess I'll just die then." I tell him he's probably going to have to take a warehouse job even though he's severely out of shape and gets so out of breath he has to sit down after five minutes of exercise, and he says "at least the pay will be good." Not for long if they fire you because you can't handle it, or are habitually late (since that's another thing; he has no concept of punctuality or sense of urgency or responsibility - I've told him time and time again that when you say you'll be somewhere by a certain time, that doesn't mean you leave the house at that time, it means you arrive in time to meet with whoever at that time, and that a boss will not tolerate habitual lateness... he says "well, unless traffic is bad" - no, they won't excuse that).
I deeply care about this person and he's been there for me through a lot and can be very sweet and supportive, but I feel like I'm watching him throw his life in the trash. I have a house and career, and know that when something inevitably happens to where his family can no longer support him, he's going to want to try to move in with me, though I've told him it will not be happening multiple times. I've told him no one is going to feel sorry for him, and he says "and that's messed up." He doesn't understand why no one would take pity on someone who has refused to help themselves and take the steps needed to support themselves. I know I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves, but this is so hard to watch. He takes nothing seriously and acts as if everything will always be fine, and that he won't need to worry about it until something happens. I've told him he can't just apply for a job the day the shit hits the fan and be good. I know he doesn't take it seriously. He's told me he doesn't know what he will do when it happens... even with a health scare with the family member who supports him, it didn't wake him up. Not sure what to do at this point.
For the past several years, he's said he was going to get a job. Obviously, no effort has been made to do so. Once, a family member let him know about an opening at their workplace and he did absolutely nothing, then when the position was filled by someone else, told me it was "bullshit that that person took his job from him." He never even applied... I straight up told him, it's first come, first serve, no one is going to wait for you, and you are not entitled to any job. If you don't seize the opportunity, someone else will, and that's exactly what happened there.
Recently, I had yet another talk with him about getting a job, how he doesn't have the luxury of more time to waste, and how he needs to get on it ASAP because he's already going to have a hard time finding something with zero prior job history at 30, and it will only get worse the longer he waits. If I tell him he's going to get even further behind, he says "Well, I'm already behind." If I tell him it would be nice if his elderly family could retire, he tells me they won't be able to anyway because he has other family members mooching off of them (as if that somehow makes it okay for him to do it, even though he admits it's wrong). He tells me he has anxiety and isn't ready yet. Always an excuse, and absolutely zero concern for his own future. I tell him he's going to have no retirement, and he says "I won't live that long, anyway." I tell him he could end up homeless, and he says "I guess I'll just die then." I tell him he's probably going to have to take a warehouse job even though he's severely out of shape and gets so out of breath he has to sit down after five minutes of exercise, and he says "at least the pay will be good." Not for long if they fire you because you can't handle it, or are habitually late (since that's another thing; he has no concept of punctuality or sense of urgency or responsibility - I've told him time and time again that when you say you'll be somewhere by a certain time, that doesn't mean you leave the house at that time, it means you arrive in time to meet with whoever at that time, and that a boss will not tolerate habitual lateness... he says "well, unless traffic is bad" - no, they won't excuse that).
I deeply care about this person and he's been there for me through a lot and can be very sweet and supportive, but I feel like I'm watching him throw his life in the trash. I have a house and career, and know that when something inevitably happens to where his family can no longer support him, he's going to want to try to move in with me, though I've told him it will not be happening multiple times. I've told him no one is going to feel sorry for him, and he says "and that's messed up." He doesn't understand why no one would take pity on someone who has refused to help themselves and take the steps needed to support themselves. I know I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves, but this is so hard to watch. He takes nothing seriously and acts as if everything will always be fine, and that he won't need to worry about it until something happens. I've told him he can't just apply for a job the day the shit hits the fan and be good. I know he doesn't take it seriously. He's told me he doesn't know what he will do when it happens... even with a health scare with the family member who supports him, it didn't wake him up. Not sure what to do at this point.
26-30, F
