I called my girlfriend at work today and said "I forgot my sandwich", which I had--I had simply neglected to bring it with me to work. Though I had wrapped it in foil, she threw it away! I had planned on eating it when I got home!
Why?
My girlfriend is a terrible germophobe. She thinks that food spoils instantaneously if it's left out. She thinks I'll get food poisoning. Though I didn't yell or anything, it was hard to hide my disdain for such OCD craziness. And to me, that's what it is.
Am I the a-hole? Opinions might vary, but I'm curious.
Well ,neither is an ahole. She probably understands herself most of her compulsions are irrational but at the same time throwing it away calms her anxiety. She can repeat to you those anxieties as many times as she wants to her defence but she deeply knows the truth and fear of not being understood or judged makes it harder for her to admit so. She needs support and help to deny herself of performing those compulsions,the more she refuses to, the less power those anxieties will have over her. Buut it's a lifelong battle and understandably a frustrating one for you too
Jokes aside I'm neutral on this one. No one's wrong. She's suffering from ocd. She didn't do it to upset you, but as a way to look out for you. So you should be forgiving.
You're not the a*hole, I think it's natural to get annoyed because it's wasting money on food that's still good by dumping it in the trash. To me, if you have a condition that could get better with therapy and it's not like the end all/be all of mental conditions, then that makes the other person responsible for themselves because you can easily use mental illness as an excuse for doing anything to anyone. Nobody can moderate you except you, so to me, people need to find a way to get help so they recognize HOW to deal with OCD related issues rather than just not dealing with it at all.
It's kind of like me with my panic disorder, I had panic attacks in the past and when it got to that really dark point, I was desperate enough to do anything. 8 years later and I've managed well through acceptance therapy and exposure therapy/changing my mind frame around quite a bit.
She might have thought - well, we're having ____ for dinner and this will never get eaten so might as well toss it now instead of having it hang around for 2 days first....I go through similar thought process sometimes with leftovers...Not that crazy - I'd take that as my worst relationship problem any day
Its about 4 to 6 hours left out at room temp before bacteria starts growing and producing toxins. In food service thats the max itcan beleft out before refrigerating. 4 or 6 depends onthe temperature
Eta. Look up food safety temperature danger zone and you can both learn something
She could have put it in the fridge if she noticed it shortly after you left but if not and it’s been left out for a while, then it’s safest to throw it away. My grandfather just spent 4 days in the hospital because of food poisoning. I don’t want you to have to go through the same. It makes you so sick. She was probably just looking out for you even if it was a compulsion. She doesn’t want you to get sick from spoiled food.
@KaiserSolze In context, she does cook a lot, but I hadn't eaten a meal for 11 hours by that point and it was inconsiderate of her to do that without telling me so I wouldn't expect it when I got in.
@uncalled4 regardless I still think you did really well to not over react. Hungry and somebody threw a sandwich in the bin. I don't actually know what I'd do. Maybe get it out the bin and eat it just to gross her out even though I'd be grossed out to eat a sandwich out of the bin. You did well.
I understand your frustration, certainly, but if it was tossed out of concern for you rather than callousness, I think it calls for compassion rather than disdain. To her, those concerns are real. 🤷♀️
@BobbyMoeven it's harsh, but it's true. OCD unfortunately is a pain in the arse, I've had it full blown since I was 14. If it's moderate to severe, therapy is definitely needed.
She didn’t do it to be hurtful or to upset you. She has a compulsion and this triggered it.
I understand being annoyed that your lunch was tossed but I would be more worried about her and making sure that she’s okay and has the support she needs to manage her OCD.
@Misspotat Even if germs start growing on food, your immune system takes care of it. You're actually more likely to get sick by being super hygienic because of how your immune system works. You put yourself in a bubble, you're going to break easily.