When I want to spend time with my 17 year old son, he get's angry at me for coming into his room, to spend time with him...Am I the toxic person for

teenagers are not in come into my room and hang out mode with their parents. psychologically, theyre in "spoil the nest" mode which is to make house life miserable and unbearable in order to make it easier to leave the "nest". so i wouldn't expect much cuddly interaction. maybe hed appreciate a meal at a restaurant together once in a while just for you two to talk but i wouldnt expect much besides that.

Understanding Boundaries
1. Respect His Space: It's essential to recognize that teenagers often value their personal space and privacy. Instead of entering his room uninvited, consider asking if he would like to spend time together at a specific time. This approach gives him the autonomy to choose when he feels comfortable engaging with you.
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for both you and your son. Discuss what behaviors are acceptable and what are not, ensuring he understands that these boundaries are in place for his well-being, not as a means of control.
3. Involve Him in Decision-Making: Engage your son in discussions about family activities or rules. This involvement can foster a sense of ownership and respect for the boundaries you set, making him more likely to adhere to them.

Communication Strategies
4. Foster Open Communication: Create an environment where your son feels safe expressing his feelings without fear of judgment. Avoid lecturing; instead, focus on listening actively to his concerns and validating his emotions.
5. Schedule Quality Time: Instead of spontaneous visits, plan regular activities that he enjoys, such as a weekly dinner or movie night. This structure can help him feel more comfortable spending time with you without feeling pressured.

Emotional Support
6. Encourage Emotional Expression: Since your son is emotionally expressive, encourage him to share his feelings openly. Let him know it's okay to be excited or angry and that you're there to support him through those emotions.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you notice ongoing emotional struggles, consider suggesting professional support, such as counseling. This can provide him with tools to manage his emotions effectively.

Self-Reflection
8. Reflect on Your Parenting Style: It's important to assess your own feelings and insecurities regarding parenting. Acknowledging these feelings can help you approach your son with more confidence and less pressure.
9. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and celebrate the positive interactions you have with your son, such as him thanking you for dinner or saying goodnight. These moments indicate that he appreciates you, even if he struggles with deeper emotional connections at times.

You're forcing your love onto him
Give him the space he asks for, distance yourself physically but be there for him when he needs you, he's s confused. Teenagers at this age try to figure out their territory.

I did that with my sister who was mad at me for treating her the way you do
I distanced myself and after a while she got very sad about it
We sat down and talked about it, told her she'll have to tell me what she needs from me and that I'm there for her whenever she needs me
Now she comes to me whenever she wants to watch smth with me or needs any kind of emotional support.
I still go to her sometimes kiss and hug her she might not like it but I tell her playfully that "YOU'RE MY SIS IT IS WHAT IT IS"

Important thing is to give them full assurance that we're there for them no matter what.

All is not perfect but we are trying.

Give him space to grow. I would have felt violated if my mother had done what you have, I'm afraid.

Leave him alone. When he is in the public spaces of the house, be sure to tell him that you love him.

Bottom line. Its hormones

Leave him alone in his room.

Its not that he doesnt appreciate or love you, he just simply likes to be alone or hang out with his buddies.

Give him space and time to grow up. He will change. Its just a phase most teenagers go thru.

He knows you love him and you're there for him.

Just let him get thru this growing up stage and quit pestering him. I went thru this with my daughter.

I would think his room is his space.

I would say going into it is intruding on his space. He needs space.

You kind of need to catch him in more public spaces in the house to have time with him.

Once my children came to a certain age, I would always knock and ask permission to go into their rooms.

He's a teenager, ffs! Most are like him.

The more you try to force love on him, the more he will resist. You wouldn't be neglecting him. Leave him alone and let him come to you.

Does he pay for his own stuff ?
Does he pay rent ?

If not then it's your house & your rules
He should have grown up in my era

He's 17 treat him like a man not a baby.. at that age trying to force love on people is harassment.. you're his mother not his gf

give him some space. thats how teenagers are.

Knock first or send him a text?