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When I want to spend time with my 17 year old son, he get's angry at me for coming into his room, to spend time with him...Am I the toxic person for

making him angry? Invading in his own privacy? Trying to be that smothering mother, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek? A hand on his shoulder? Sometimes I don't have much to say and just like being in his pressence, but he hates that! I aggrivate him when I mean well. I don't want to neglect my kids, I want to spend time with them, but I forcing him to love me back and it's only stressing him out...I see that he is a very emotional young man, he is very easily excitable, and giggles and screams when excited, and he is very easily aggrivated get's mad at well me trying to be a mom! I went online and it basically said I was the toxic one on youtube because he doesn't love me, he doesn't reciprocate my affections, and I expect him to spend time with me and not get angry with me! Honestly I am confused I really don't know who is toxic or who is nice, I don't know who is right and who is wrong? I don't know what to do, I don't want to let him be, and neglect him! Maybe that's my insecurity and I need to let him go, he is almost a grown man! Any advice I love him, and I want to grind off those rough edges, so that he doesn't go out into the world so emotional don't get me wrong, I celebrate his easily excitable side, but not his easily angered side, and I've told him this... How do I give us the best start into adulthood? He does show respect twice a day though, he always thanks me for supper, and we both say goodnight I love you at bedtime! So score there!
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pdockal · 56-60, M
Does he pay for his own stuff ?
Does he pay rent ?

If not then it's your house & your rules
He should have grown up in my era
Nanori · F
@pdockal it's a house and a family not a dictatorship
saintsong · 41-45, F
@pdockal He did borrow money from his sister to buy his grand piano, then paid it all back...When he works he does pay rent, this spring he will be working the shut down at the mill and make about $10 000 I'm sure his dad will make him pay some kind of rent or put some away for his future and invest it. Right now he is part time going to outreach it's a school for kids who don't like school, to work at his own pace he's really a smart kid, always was beyond his years, the reason why he didn't like school was because he has ADHD and wasn't stimulated enough...But he was always above the learning curve. When he was young he was a child prodegy.
pdockal · 56-60, M
@saintsong

Then set a reasonable specific "family time" outside his space
He might do better with a schedule
Since he pays rent then his bedroom is his space & you need to respect his privacy