When I want to spend time with my 17 year old son, he get's angry at me for coming into his room, to spend time with him...Am I the toxic person for

making him angry? Invading in his own privacy? Trying to be that smothering mother, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek? A hand on his shoulder? Sometimes I don't have much to say and just like being in his pressence, but he hates that! I aggrivate him when I mean well. I don't want to neglect my kids, I want to spend time with them, but I forcing him to love me back and it's only stressing him out...I see that he is a very emotional young man, he is very easily excitable, and giggles and screams when excited, and he is very easily aggrivated get's mad at well me trying to be a mom! I went online and it basically said I was the toxic one on youtube because he doesn't love me, he doesn't reciprocate my affections, and I expect him to spend time with me and not get angry with me! Honestly I am confused I really don't know who is toxic or who is nice, I don't know who is right and who is wrong? I don't know what to do, I don't want to let him be, and neglect him! Maybe that's my insecurity and I need to let him go, he is almost a grown man! Any advice I love him, and I want to grind off those rough edges, so that he doesn't go out into the world so emotional don't get me wrong, I celebrate his easily excitable side, but not his easily angered side, and I've told him this... How do I give us the best start into adulthood? He does show respect twice a day though, he always thanks me for supper, and we both say goodnight I love you at bedtime! So score there!

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Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

I would think his room is his space.

I would say going into it is intruding on his space. He needs space.

You kind of need to catch him in more public spaces in the house to have time with him.

Once my children came to a certain age, I would always knock and ask permission to go into their rooms.

saintsong · 41-45, F

@Zeusdelight When he plays on his Grand Piano in the living room, he asks me not to sit in there while he plays, cause it makes him feel uncomfortable! Every time!!! Yet when we went to Cuba he played the piano in front of a whole crowd! I just listen from the kitchen! He just doesn't want eyes on him! And yes I do knock, and ask permission to come in...But if it's just to be his annoying momfy then it's a no go! If it's to say hey dude it's your turn to do dishes, he will be like I will just give me a moment! He is not a bad kid, just emotional and he isn't alone most of the time his 4 buddies will come over and hang out with him, he has some really loyal friends!

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@saintsong Maybe he needs to feel as if he is his own man and doesn't want Mum around.

It is a very hard stage of letting go when they are in your household. Give him a little more space and make and let him come back to you.

The saddest art of parenthood is the continual letting go. The happiest part is when and if they start returning as adults.

Carazaa · F

@saintsong He plays piano? That is so cool!

saintsong · 41-45, F

@Carazaa Yes! His favorite music is classical music, I'm like Wow that was the most beautiful elevator music I have ever heard!!! He jokingly told me that he hated me! But no, he is super gifted, self taught, and connects with other great piano orchistra musicians online! The school and I have always thought that he was a gifted child, since he was little! He was born to play the piano, he only started 3 years ago, and is self taught and plays masterfully! He doesn't listen to pop or classic rock he listens to the romantic era of classical music and jazz! He never grew up to that kind of music?? He just developed that taste in music on his own! When I say he was born to play the piano, here is a short video of him at 7 months old playing on a piano, on a strangers lap! One of my husbands old co workers. This was his first time touching a piano, natural born piano player! Born to play!!!
[media=https://youtu.be/8x2jsP6Fya8]