On parenting

@Notsimilarreally I've actually had to consider this one quite a lot recently. Do you think pushing to pursue varied interests is good, or more of a one thing at a time and stick to it mentality would be better for this?

Sounds like your situation is not dissimilar from my kiddo, just trying to be more present for her which is a big part of why we moved out of the US tbh.

@ZulXeroth I think kids need motivation to reach their full potential, and learn and experience new things, sometimes yes! For me particularly probably because I was somewhat shy and cautious, probably because of how my parents were. My mom was not social, my dad was but my dad was very free range like he would bring us along places and then kind of be wrapped up in his own thing. Which was okay, we explored and stuff on our own and he was always there if we needed him. At least he was taking us along. My mother didn't and doesn't like going to events, doesn't have many friends. Homebody. Which, fine, but maybe your kids aren't and need more?

Uhhh but yeah I think sports are great for kids. Certain ones. Teaches confidence too when they have to push themselves and out themselves out there for the team. Maybe not football lol, no head injuries plz

@CrazyMusicLover This one is really important and I’m happy to see it posted here.

It makes a huge difference to ask what your child needs instead of berating them for crying or being upset, and it’s really important in helping them understand their own needs.

❤️

@ZulXeroth One thing I will never understand is how does someone get angry or irritated when another person cries. I confess I don't deal with it well either as I'm not good at consoling and not a deeply caring kind of person to show genuine concern and will to help but I don't think I ever got irritated. After reading anonymous confessions on various sites and learning how different people think and feel about various interpersonal stuff, I kind of got the impression that this reaction is pretty much a red flag. If I ask myself why, I come to two explanations:
1) The person had to deal with a highly manipulative person and can't distinguish between crocodile tears and genuine tears and for some reason always assumes the person is just putting a show to manipulate them or solicit pity.
2) The person doesn't have normal emotional reactions and any or rare need to cry, therefore they judge others by themselves and assume every person who cries in fact manipulates because crying in their mind can't have any other purpose.

Maybe there are other explanations but that's what I picked from how some people with certain disorders claim to think.

@CrazyMusicLover #1 rings quite a loud bell for me, though I think the root issue there is trust.

As a child I was not raised in an environment where trust was intrinsic, and therefore did not learn to trust at all until rather recently. Certainly not an excuse for such awful behavior, but I think deeply seated trust issues come with a lot of baggage, and that’s something I’d never want for my child.

@AnonymousJSS Not Mexican, but my parents are in their late 70’s and have a very similar mentality, so I understand this situation rather well. In my case, the canned answer was “pray about it.”

@akindheart do you think that if modern therapy were available and less stigmatized for them, that they may have been able to seek that and do better?

What support did you need that you didn’t get?

@ZulXeroth no. they were incapable. they lived a tough life. they both had addictions. I received NO help. none. I went to school because I knew my mom's income and forged my financial aid papers. I was that determined. she would not help me. ever.

@FableDNK Thanks for sharing. As a parent, I value your experience and thoughtful reply on the matter very highly 😊

@revenant also totally understand that, my parents are the same way, and that sickness and toxicity that comes with those traits is the reason they’re not in our lives.

@ZulXeroth not really. I have changed views and some radically so when I thought back and realised that I was wrong.

@ZulXeroth yep

@Cigarguy what an absolutely shameful way to treat a child 😞

It’s obvious to see what you didn’t need, I don’t think anyone can question that.

@deadgerbil most of this I can understand from personal experience.

How do you feel them not acting like goofballs would have been helpful?

@ZulXeroth it would contribute to a stable environment growing up. Even up until recently, shouting matches between my mom sister and grandmother were pretty frequent. Total chaos and it nearly caused me to end it one time when they decided to come after me with their bs

@deadgerbil that’s an unfortunate thing to have gone through, seems like a shared experience.

In trying to be a better parent than the two I was cursed with, maybe I’m asking what you mean by goofballs? I think perhaps we have very different ideas as to what that word means and I’d like to understand the difference better.

@V00doo What I’m reading is that you maybe felt you weren’t considered as much due to the circumstances. Is that right?

Is there anything you think that they could have handled differently that would have made you feel maybe more included?

@ZulXeroth Definitely. I get it now though. I understand why it happened.

Many things. But it's over now.