Change is scary especially after being with someone for a while. But you need to ask yourself if you are happy and if not have you tried all avenues to make things better. If she isnt willing or things are not getting better, you have no need to feel guilty. Life is too short.

We have been married for 20 years now and we have one 7 yr old daughter. We have been sexless for 12 of the 20 years (two 6 year periods). I am not in love my wife and haven't been since almost the beginning of our marriage. When I met my wife I haven't had a date in 3 years and was very lonely. Guess I took the first woman that showed any interest in me. We did have a lot in common but in hindsight I think she should have been just a good friend and not a wife.

I feel guilt because she loved me so much and I pretended to love her that much too, but I actually didn't. I wanted to feel love like she did for me, but no matter how I hard I tried it didn't happen. I wanted to feel it so bad that I had an affair, and fell in love with my AP. This was 7 years ago. I still talk to my ex-AP from time to time.

I don't leave because I am feeling guilty for being dishonest with my wife and myself for all those years. I feel I own my wife too much to leave.

I did...it was hard but I told my ex when we were in counseling that I still loved her but was not IN love with her. As far as my daughter...I spent time with her 5 days a week and every other weekend. I made sure my ex and daughter had everything they needed and in return my ex and I set our own child support dollar amount.

It's possible that you are being unconciously disrespectful of your wife; she, as a strong woman, might actually be better off without you. Is it possible that she might secretly feel as you do?

The guy who manages my building stuck out an unhappy marriage for decades because he felt his wife would hate him and she was dependent on him. She, too, was strong enough to rule their family...yet he didn't see her as able to deal with life on her own.

But...she divorced him...and now she is doing fine...
But he isn't because, due to all his guilt, he did not make a decent and fair settlement with her. Now he is barely surviving and she has everything.

So...maybe she is stronger than you think.

And, if you do decide to go for your freedom, remember you are freeing her, too, and she may wind up happier alone, or she may find someone who appreciates her in a way you have never been able to in spite of serious long term efforts. You could be giving her a chance at greater happiness. So do not do anything before you quietly consult an attorney and your accountant so that, if it happens, you won't wind like my bldg.manager; be sure, amidst all this free floating guilt, that you allow yourself enough to live on.

not just men feel that way.

I feel for you.
I waited for 2 yrs in a sexless marriage while my wife developed her intimate relationship with her lover and they shut me out of their lives.
I was sure that her love would bring her back to me, and tried my best to hang in there.
In the end, I could not take it any longer. She was head over heels in love with her BBC lover. He became more and more domineering and wanted me to have no sex with her, so he and his friends had exclusive use of her body.
We tried a separation. I got an apartment and left her the house. That lasted 3 months until I found a couple who wanted me for sex. I needed that after my dry spell and jumped at the chance to join them.
That ended things for our marriage and we legally divorced.

If you feel guilt you still care and should work it out

We also can't afford 2 households.

Why are you afraid?