I Think I Want a Divorce

Are there any men out there that felt too afraid or guilty to leave their marriage but eventually did? I am stuck like this and need advice.

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mlihere · 56-60, M

We have been married for 20 years now and we have one 7 yr old daughter. We have been sexless for 12 of the 20 years (two 6 year periods). I am not in love my wife and haven't been since almost the beginning of our marriage. When I met my wife I haven't had a date in 3 years and was very lonely. Guess I took the first woman that showed any interest in me. We did have a lot in common but in hindsight I think she should have been just a good friend and not a wife.

I feel guilt because she loved me so much and I pretended to love her that much too, but I actually didn't. I wanted to feel love like she did for me, but no matter how I hard I tried it didn't happen. I wanted to feel it so bad that I had an affair, and fell in love with my AP. This was 7 years ago. I still talk to my ex-AP from time to time.

I don't leave because I am feeling guilty for being dishonest with my wife and myself for all those years. I feel I own my wife too much to leave.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@mlihere: Thanks for the details. It helps understanding your feelings. You are in a tough spot and have been for a long time.

mlihere · 56-60, M

@polyandrym66: Thanks for understanding and replying to my post. My wife is a strong person with a strong personality. I am not an alpha male, so she is the one who leads in our marriage.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@mlihere: I've been there and sympathize with your feelings.
So long as she still loves you and has your interests in mind, you will do good to support and encourage her in your relationship.

mlihere · 56-60, M

@polyandrym66: She says she doesn't love me like before anymore, but as along as I am still there she will support me.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@mlihere: Love takes many forms and changes with time. Her admissions should not discourage you from your loving her still, just differently (not based on physical sex).
Many cuckold husbands are kept by their wives..

mlihere · 56-60, M

@polyandrym66: I still love my wife as a person and the mother of my child but the physical and romantic love is long gone. I want to be with a woman I love romantically.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@mlihere: Are you open to a polyamorous relationship, being married to your wife, but having sex with another woman at the same time?

mlihere · 56-60, M

Yes, but my wife is not. She said if it was only sex then maybe, but I need to have feelings with a woman to have sex, my wife can't handle that.