My father wasn't a that bad and yet...

It sounds like you're feeling a mix of emotions—some guilt, some anxiety, and maybe even some confusion about why you don't feel like picking up his calls. And that's okay. Relationships, even the ones we consider "good," can be complicated.

You don’t need to have a clear, well-articulated reason for feeling the way you do. Sometimes, distance—both physical and emotional—just happens over time, even without any major conflict. Maybe life just moved forward, and the connection naturally weakened. Maybe there’s some unspoken hesitation that you haven’t fully explored yet.

If you feel guilty, ask yourself: Is it because I actually want to talk to him, or just because I feel like I "should"? If it's the latter, then maybe there's some deeper reason you’re not recognizing yet.

You don’t have to force yourself to answer if you’re not ready, and you don’t have to explain anything you’re unsure about. But if you do want to reconnect—even just a little—maybe a short text to acknowledge him (without overcommitting) could ease some of the pressure. Something like:

"Hey, sorry I missed your calls. Hope you're doing well."

That way, you’re keeping the door open without forcing yourself into a conversation you’re not sure about. And if he asks why you’ve been distant, it’s okay to say "I don’t know"—because honestly, you don’t have to have all the answers right now.

I'm estranged from my mom. She lives in Australia (migrated many years ago) and I live in India. In 2017 when I visited her there was an altercation (I ended up slapping her). After that she banished me from entering her house ever again. Together with that - my Australian PR went for a toss because I could not go the proceeding year to renew it (considering the circumstances). In 2024 she said she wanted to visit India and see me. I told her that since I was banished from her house she cannot come here either. Also told her women like her should never bear children because it is true - she said a lot of NASTY STUFF and beat me when I was a kid. When she visited India in the past there would be an unwritten tension between us. Even if she passes away I won't be able to attend her funeral (not that it would make any difference whether she's alive or dead). I'm close to my dad on the other hand. He is in India for my sake I guess and he's been caught in between. Also if he were to move to Australia I'd have no one here. Rather selfish of me I know and I've been judged on that count!!

I've been estranged from my own family for about 15 years now, and I can relate a little bit to your situation. My dad was kind of a d**k for the first 12 or so years of my life, but he lightened up a bit as I grew into a teenager. Idk, maybe it was the fact that I could probably beat him physically that made him change his tune. Maybe it was the birth of my baby brother. I don't really know

Even though I last remember him being an alright dad, I still don't want to talk to him. I don't really hold any resentment from my earlier years or anything, so I couldn't really figure out why. Maybe it's because we were never really close. I couldn't put my finger on it.

But as I got older, I realized that I felt a lot of shame for my life not turning out the way I had expected. As a teen, I excelled academically. I was the first in my family to go to college. I really thought I would be successful in life. But I just ended up empty and alone for most of my adult years.

I couldn't face admitting something like that to someone that spent their life working to give me opportunities. I didn't want to reveal the shame of living such a pathetic life. So I didn't. I just stayed quiet and withdrew from the world.

Things are okay for me now, but it's been so long since I've talked to anyone in my family that we're practically strangers. I wish I could say that there's some kind of reconciliation or closure on our relationship, but the truth is that I'm not planning on going to any of their funerals. I've moved forward with my life, and many times there's just no good reason to go digging up the past.

Maybe you feel guilty and don't want to be accountable for not talking to him. Wait till you get the call he has passed.

Has he tried calling you before maybe you are thinking why is he calling now after 7 years? Maybe you are blocking someone out and you do not want to bring that up all over again.

You only have one father and a very limited amount of time to be with him. Don’t blow it or you will regret it the rest of your life.

Unless there's some big reason not to, make that call. He'll be gone at some point then you'll be in a worse mental spot.

Do you have kids ??

When he dies, you will wish you had taken his calls.

Simple as that.