My father wasn't a that bad and yet...

It sounds like you're feeling a mix of emotions—some guilt, some anxiety, and maybe even some confusion about why you don't feel like picking up his calls. And that's okay. Relationships, even the ones we consider "good," can be complicated.

You don’t need to have a clear, well-articulated reason for feeling the way you do. Sometimes, distance—both physical and emotional—just happens over time, even without any major conflict. Maybe life just moved forward, and the connection naturally weakened. Maybe there’s some unspoken hesitation that you haven’t fully explored yet.

If you feel guilty, ask yourself: Is it because I actually want to talk to him, or just because I feel like I "should"? If it's the latter, then maybe there's some deeper reason you’re not recognizing yet.

You don’t have to force yourself to answer if you’re not ready, and you don’t have to explain anything you’re unsure about. But if you do want to reconnect—even just a little—maybe a short text to acknowledge him (without overcommitting) could ease some of the pressure. Something like:

"Hey, sorry I missed your calls. Hope you're doing well."

That way, you’re keeping the door open without forcing yourself into a conversation you’re not sure about. And if he asks why you’ve been distant, it’s okay to say "I don’t know"—because honestly, you don’t have to have all the answers right now.