I can understand you not wanting your daughter to stay somewhere where you don't know the dynamics.

This has happened to me ...and my option was to offer to have the sleepover at our place .

This way , I knew she was safe , and they still got their sleepover .

Edit: and this way you get to meet her friend and get a sense of them, and even ask questions to get an idea of their life .

I wouldn’t unless I knew the parents well that was the rules when I was that age. If my parents didn’t know them well the answer was always no for my own safety.

Why wouldn’t you just set up a time to talk to the parents if you’re that uncomfortable?

UPDATE: My daughter woke up this morning realizing why I said "no". She hugged me in the kitchen while I was making breakfast. As a parent, I think we just need to be firm and husbands should also need to support what is best for the children. 💙

I never let my kids sleep over at anyone's house if I didn't know the parents really well. I did what you offered - to let them go over for a while and I'd pick them up at a certain time. They weren't happy at the time but they forgot about it by the next day

Show him that article of the step father who murdered his partner her children and her child's friend who was sleeping over that night.
I wouldn't let a child sleep at an adults house that I don't know either. I remember specifically I'd always have friends sleep over and I wasn't allowed to sleep over their house until I was like 15/16 and I had known them for years and our parents each other by that point. I wasn't happy at the time but I'm glad my parents did so

Would you let her host a sleepover that way you could get to know her friends

I think you're doing the right thing. I was only allowed to go to one sleepover. It was my best friend, and my mom had spoken to her mom and knew of her mom of course so it was ok. She was also a single mom, so I think that definently makes a difference. Things can happen... You're the mom, and I think 1-8pm is more than enough time. Still get to enjoy the party. Nobody will be having fun when they're sleep anyway.

i don't have kids. but sleepovers are a normal part of growing up. of course i'd meet the parents, family, and scope out the house first, when dropping her off that night. if i saw something wrong, i'd back out with an excuse and explain why in the car home.

good parents trust their kids to make small choices for themselves, esp at 12 she's starting to gain some independence, with room for error. she's probably not as naïve as you think, if she's in public school, if she has access to internet, or TV... unless you've helicoptered over every waking moment of her life... it's important to let kids have their own experiences no matter how much you want to protect them. otherwise she will grow to resent you.

then again, do what you're comfortable with. it's your kid.

Sleepovers are a natural part of growing... Is part of maturing and gaining self confidence.

Due you attempt to find out about the other family or just issue a blanket "no" ?

a conversation with other parents is needed i believe before deciding

If you have enough time find out about her parents. Ask other parents. Find out what other friends whose parents you trust are going and ask them. Call the girls parents and just talk to them.

It would be cool to let your daughter go. They are fun and good social time. I would be so sad if I couldn't and wanted to. :(

As others have said, it would make sense to arrange a meeting with her friend’s parents. Nobody should have a problem with that.

I wouldn't either. Especially because you dont know anything about that family. I've been in a situation where my mom didnt know who's care I was under and it ended very badly. Trust your mama gut.

No,speaking from someone who knows. you are doing the right thing. My mom was like this but as she got older her alcoholism got worse and she quite literally let my sister and I do whatever we wanted

Granted we had good morals and values and didn’t do anything that we shouldn’t.

But I would go to peoples house and later to find out their parents were using drugs. I lost around 30 people I graduated with last year to overdoses

I found out one of my best friends was using meth secretly behind my back and I was too dumb and young to know wtf was going on

I eventually met my boyfriend who was 19 and I was 14. He got me pregnant at age 17 and my life quite literally has never been the same lol

I look back at when we were younger and I’m very glad she did tell me no all the times that she did but I wish she had told me no more. Especially when I was older and that’s when kids tend to get into trouble

You are doing the right thing and your husband probably just wants some alone time but it’s not worth it

I have a rule of no sleepovers for my daughter. I work with children who’ve been victims of abuse, it’s not uncommon for people in my line of work to adopt the same rule, even the police I talk to won’t allow their kids to have sleepovers. I believe it’s not worth the risk but it still seems controversial to a lot of people

have you met her friend? you can tell a lot about her parents just by talking to her: does she speak well, is she polite, does her clothes look clean and well taken care of? what exactly DO you know about the parents? can you list random facts that you know about them?

Honestly, what I would do is let them go, but go with them. Meet the parents when you arrive, share a drink of tea or coffee or something, and let them have the experience. But that's just me.

I wouldn't unless i knew the parents. She'll probably be fine though, but without knowing the parents you don't know if they'll even be home or if they drink heavily or have a creepy uncle staying there etc.

Yes, I would.

No ! Not unless you know the parents and trust them . Not at 12

Why don't you talk with the aprents and meet them first??

At the end of the day it's your child.
Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You will never forgive yourself if anything happens. Maybe have a talk with her about why your uncomfortable and make a deal to take her to the mall for shopping and mommy daughter time. While there teach her about not trusting everyone.
Anyway good luck tough situation,she will get over it.

Give them a call or pop over.
You’ll know then if you are going to be happy with it.

on one hand i think you may be worrying a little too much. i stayed over at friends houses at that age. i just had to tell my parents the address and as long i was well behaved all was well.

on the other hand what you say as a parent goes. your child, your call. if you and your partner arent on the same boat with this it's best to try n come to a consensus.

Your thinking is just, wise, and warranted on all fronts

No, 12 years is too naïve.

Husband needs a smack in the back of his head. The decision on this type of situation should be deferred to the Mom. Her insight and instincts are much more keen than his when it comes to these types of get togethers.

I would…

I don't have kids so a non-parents perspective is tell your daughter she can have her friend stay the night at your house. That way you know what's going on and she still gets to have her sleepover.

[i][c=BF0080]I have been funny with ALL 4 of my kids with sleepovers and even visits w/friends at their homes. Some of us are like that, but I know it’s hard for the kids. [/c][/i]

Well you do have to be cautious these days so good on you for bein a good protective mamma.. But at the same time maby your husband just wants some alone time with you.. 🤷‍♂️

Yes!! You’re right…

First just a casual playtime…meet her parents and see how that goes. Sleepovers are only when you know each other’s families well.

If you don’t know the family it would be a no. Your husband shouldn’t be saying yes in front of her making you the bad guy for wanting her to be safe.

Your husband needs to be on the same page as you by him saying yes he is making you look like the "bad parent"

These are the sort of parents who then text you around the holidays wondering why you won't talk to them.

Did you manage to come to a good conclusion on the issue?

Call the parents and speak to them. You cant live with distrust of everyone, just my opinion.

I think you are right. Unless you know the family of her friend, it feels unsafe to let her sleepover.

If you don't know the parents that's the wise thing to do, your husband needs to support you

You are doing the right thing if you don't know anything about the other girl's family. You can't be too safe.

I wouldn’t . Doesn’t help that hubby doesn’t get on the same page though. I’d stand your ground. 🤷‍♂️

Yeah, I agree when you don't know the parents. Lots of bat shit crazy ppl out there.

You should face time with the girls mother.

I do tend to be lenient a lot but I agree with you here.

Gee just let her have the sleep over

I think you are right.

I would approve of that

Go meet the parents.

You are in the right