@swirlie See.. You do understand the time I was raised in.. "When in an argument with a woman, apologise immediately. Particularly if you are right."
So the adendum to that is that the man,having fallen on the gentlemans sword, the lady shows poor form indeed if she raises the matter again.😷

@whowasthatmaskedman
Oh yes, I do understand the time you were raised in, but the truth is, the basic lesson of those older times are still just as valid today, though most younger men are learning this old concept of self-impalement the hard way, not the old way.

@whowasthatmaskedman


You may be right, but you said earlier that a gentleman should fall on his sword, particularly if he is right.

So it follows that if she raises the matter again, he should fall on his sword again. 🤭

@SumKindaMunster ok, so my choice of words are incorrect then but does that change their actions creating the feelings of disrespect.
The disrespect could be something of a cultural difference or not speaking up for me in a situation that called for them to have input.

@dale74 ehhh. How does that work? She was making up for lost time?

So I wonder sometimes if when an argument is had and a situation was "resolved " with an action if that action is only upheld for a while or a person can do better for X amount of time but then out the blue they revert.
Surely that can't be seen as throwing up old arguments, because if the actions is the same as before and the result is the same as before surely this is a fair point to bring up.

@Mellowgirl so you can have a long conversation about your mutual feelings. then if it comes up again, you don't need to rehash the whole conversation all over again. One of you can work "zinc" or whatever into a situation without getting all agitated about it.

@GerOttman ohhh I understand. Is this something you've tried? Would you say it's a legitimately less inflammatory approach to take?

@Mellowgirl nothing like dramatic or anything but we have a couple code words, phrases, references. kind of a secret language. we've been together a fair time and had time to develop different stuff over the years.

@Mellowgirl I’ve had these same discussions in my marriage or with close family. They’ll say I’m too sensitive and can’t take a joke. But I call BS on that.

@BillyMack I really don't appreciate being told I can't take a joke. When I think I have a really good sense of humour. I mean if it's funny I'll definitely laugh about it. But being the butt if the "joke" isn't cool.

@Mellowgirl agreed

@onrealityofdreams so what in your mind determines that previous situation being resolved?

@Mellowgirl There has to be communication and understanding. Without understanding communication is empty. Those destructive behaviors have to end and have to end quickly.

@onrealityofdreams ok so in this instance for example " I feel really disrespected when I spend time cleaning the bathroom and you come in use it and don't even bother to scrub the toilet after use!"
Discussed, resolution- checking the toilet after use to prevent mess.

A few days or weeks after keeping on top of it, they revert to the old behaviour.
Is this still resolved? Should I leave it another until another time or just clean it up?

This is just a scenario.

@DunningKruger ok so is it resolved if they say they will try to do better?

@Mellowgirl No. That's an ongoing issue.

@DunningKruger thank you for clarifying. It's nice to know I'm not far off the mark in my approach. I will look at other ways to deal with this that may be less inflammatory, but there's only so much compromise I'll make on try to spare someone else's feelings. Especially if a point can be simply made in few words.

@GeistInTheMachine I guess neither will my irritating way of presenting an argument...

@Mellowgirl
Oh, one of those... 🙄

@swirlie yea one of those. Annoying as hell.
They like to do monologues, I think it's a wearing down tactic but I get bored and zone out until there's a break to reiterate my point. I think the longest they went on for was 4 hours.

@Mellowgirl
I don't feel so bad, though I endured something similar.

I got into a monologue with a distant relative of mine on a park bench in a cemetery a few years back, where he went on... non-stop without a break... for 3 hours straight, not saying anything new, but only repeating verbatim what he'd already repeated 5 times within that 3 hour sitting.

It was as if he were reading from a script he'd prepared before we had met up. When I say "verbatim", I mean literally the exact same words in the exact same sentences spoken, as if it had all been pre-memorized. It was a bazaar experience actually.

When there was finally a break in the action, I stood up and said I had to get on my way since half the day was now shot, which were words that didn't actually resonate with him.

The first thing he said in response to me was, "So Jen, what's new with you?".

That was the last time I ever saw him! 🫣