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Fillingthevoid · 46-50, MNew
@awildsheepschase I tried counseling a couple times and honestly it didn’t help at all due to my own faults opening up is not something a 50 year old man from the south knows how to do plus I don’t know how to pt me first so I figure just stay stuck in limbo
hinesight · 70-79, F
@Fillingthevoid A line to empathize with your posts. My husband died 3 years ago. At first, I was angry when well-meaning folks would tell me that I would feel better with time. I didn’t want to feel better, I didn’t want grief to soften, grief was a way of staying attached to him, and attached to him (after 40 years) was all I could want. I didn’t go to grief counseling per se, but I did start therapy, mostly to vent to another adult about all this stuff (money problems, inability to focus, the list goes on). She said, “Tell me about him.” And boy, did I. And I needed to have that (everyone is different). Slowly I started to make peace with what is. I won’t ever like it, I won’t ever have what we had again, but I can make peace with it. Plus, I have a dog with a set of demands, so I had a minimum that had to be done.
Maybe limbo is what grief is showing you right now. That’s ok. No time table, no schedule. Rest there as long as you need to.
And if you feel like it, tell me about her.
Maybe limbo is what grief is showing you right now. That’s ok. No time table, no schedule. Rest there as long as you need to.
And if you feel like it, tell me about her.
Fillingthevoid · 46-50, MNew
@hinesight I’m truly sorry for your loss
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
You don't have to be with anyone. It is perfectly possible to be alone without being lonely. But you should get out if only to get some fresh air and exercise.
Grief can take a long time to wear off, indeed it never does wear off entirely. For the first year after my wife died I cried every day. Now nearly eight years later I often go several days without consciously thinking of her and then some random event, sight, sound, scent, etc., will remind me. Then I have a few moments of loss but life must go on, especially if you have other relatives and friends.
One day you might meet another person you want to spend your life with, but it's not compulsory to have a long term living together relationship so don't feel pressured.
Grief can take a long time to wear off, indeed it never does wear off entirely. For the first year after my wife died I cried every day. Now nearly eight years later I often go several days without consciously thinking of her and then some random event, sight, sound, scent, etc., will remind me. Then I have a few moments of loss but life must go on, especially if you have other relatives and friends.
One day you might meet another person you want to spend your life with, but it's not compulsory to have a long term living together relationship so don't feel pressured.
ninalanyon · 61-69, T
@constance I think many of, most perhaps, have all sorts of preconceived ideas about how life is supposed to be. Usually these aren't our own ideas but things absorbed unconsciously from the people and media around us. And when some momentous event occurs we try to fit the new reality into those ideas. But it doesn't always work and at least sometimes we need to take step back and consider what we need to do now rather than what we thought society meant we should do.
For instance: when I retired I thought I would be dreadfully bored; all my retired colleagues were busily doing freelance work, and plainly enjoying it. I did a couple of gigs but eventually realized that forty years of work was enough for a lifetime for me and gave it up in favour of a life of leisure.
For instance: when I retired I thought I would be dreadfully bored; all my retired colleagues were busily doing freelance work, and plainly enjoying it. I did a couple of gigs but eventually realized that forty years of work was enough for a lifetime for me and gave it up in favour of a life of leisure.
@ninalanyon I'm on a similar path ... and grateful to the many on this site who put up with me as I explore my proclivities....
WelshLovely · 46-50, F
I'm sorry you're going through this and it absolutely sucks.
Grief counselling is definitely something to look in to - it doesn't stop you feeling the pain, but it does teach you ways to deal with it in a more healthy way and gives you a safe space for you to admit how you feel to someone, so it doesn't just sit inside and fester.
Good luck and I wish you all the best for getting through this to a better place where you can remember her and smile x
Grief counselling is definitely something to look in to - it doesn't stop you feeling the pain, but it does teach you ways to deal with it in a more healthy way and gives you a safe space for you to admit how you feel to someone, so it doesn't just sit inside and fester.
Good luck and I wish you all the best for getting through this to a better place where you can remember her and smile x
DestroyerOfIdeologies · 26-30, M
You seem very vulnerable at the moment so perhaps you're right stay at home. When ready to go out a bit there are places you can go to and still be alone: park, garden, restaurant, cafe, museum. Make sure it's a safe environment, no usual rude people and hardly any crime. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, then go back home.
I am sorry for your loss. Was it an unexpected accident? Sometimes the hardest is when someone is taken quickly and unexpectedly, with no chance to say good-bye....
GohantheThird · M
I'm sorry for your loss man. Give yourself time to heal, mourn your loss, and move on.
redredred · M
I’ve been where you are. Tragically, I got married again. DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!! Trust me, there’s nothing in it for men at this age.
IamBack · 31-35, M
I’m sorry about that ❤🩹 stay strong bro 🙏🏻
WonderGirl · 41-45, F
I lost my partner two years ago. I still could not be with someone else. I have no desire to be with anyone.
@WonderGirl I think women are more intelligent this way, they know their feelings more, where I fear the author is seaching for an escape while knowing in his heart it's wrong for him.
Fillingthevoid · 46-50, MNew
@WonderGirl I tried talking to someone and was very honest and upfront that I didn’t have enough of me to give anyone but they started getting feelings so I cut it off and somehow was the bad guy so again for me right now it’s not worth it
Sorry to hear that
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
Thank you for your honesty my friend.
YoMomma ·
Who’s trying to make you be with someone else already when it’s hardly a year? 😏
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Fillingthevoid · 46-50, MNew
@RogueLodyte how is your partner not responsible for your happiness! Please don’t take this as a controlling man but the way I see it is if out of 7 billion people you say I want that one then yes it’s my job to make sure you don’t regret it and do my best to keep you happy
RogueLodyte · M
@Fillingthevoid So these women that you are pining to can't be happy without YOU? 👍🏽 Got it.
Live & learn.
Live & learn.