Better off alone

I lost my wife last year and I’m not emotionally ready to be with someone else. The thought of being responsible for someone else’s happiness is overwhelming. I have shut off my emotions and truly think it’s for the best but now I go days and not leave my room so I know it’s not good for my mental health I still say it’s the best option

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

You don't have to be with anyone. It is perfectly possible to be alone without being lonely. But you should get out if only to get some fresh air and exercise.

Grief can take a long time to wear off, indeed it never does wear off entirely. For the first year after my wife died I cried every day. Now nearly eight years later I often go several days without consciously thinking of her and then some random event, sight, sound, scent, etc., will remind me. Then I have a few moments of loss but life must go on, especially if you have other relatives and friends.

One day you might meet another person you want to spend your life with, but it's not compulsory to have a long term living together relationship so don't feel pressured.

constance

@ninalanyon Very well put Nina

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

@constance I think many of, most perhaps, have all sorts of preconceived ideas about how life is supposed to be. Usually these aren't our own ideas but things absorbed unconsciously from the people and media around us. And when some momentous event occurs we try to fit the new reality into those ideas. But it doesn't always work and at least sometimes we need to take step back and consider what we need to do now rather than what we thought society meant we should do.

For instance: when I retired I thought I would be dreadfully bored; all my retired colleagues were busily doing freelance work, and plainly enjoying it. I did a couple of gigs but eventually realized that forty years of work was enough for a lifetime for me and gave it up in favour of a life of leisure.