One thing I have never understood…

I might pull that trick on my 8 year old to get him to eat healthy, but it’s bs for those big emotions.

Everyone goes through stuff with their own tolerance. All that’s important is people feel supported. When people bring up their own problems or other’s problems when you need that support, it’s a slap in the face. Like your feelings aren’t as important.

We’ve really messed up our mental health with all these insensitive one size fits all cliches, it’s sad.

I would never try to comfort someone by telling them that.

However, that thought does sometimes help when I express it to [i]myself[/i], when I am having a hard time. It's not that I feel better because of some kind of schaudenfreude where I delight in others' suffering. It is just that it might help put my own problems in perspective and help me to appreciate the things that are [i]right[/i] in my life.

my feelings are relative to [b]me[/b] and [i]my[/i] situation. hearing that others are having a worse time doesn't cheer me at all. you can't negate life away, unfortunately!

Everyones experience is different no one should have the right to say such things ..that doesn't help anyone

That statement is a crock and used by people who have no concept of empathy. I would rather them just ignore me.

I always think that statement translates to "I don't want to hear it."

It's a non sequitur.

I've often wondered too, how anyone could even [b]think[/b] saying that would be comforting or helpful in any kind of way. Of course it doesn't make anyone feel better, it just insinuates that whatever worry, pain or grief a person is going through is somehow inconsequential...and [b]need[/b] to be reminded that other people have been through "worse".

I think in its original conception it might have been a very clumsy effort to remind one not to lose sight of the good in their life while they dealt with the struggle of the day. Maintain some semblance of balance and perspective. Oftentimes now I think it’s a canned response from a list of canned responses given with little actual thought by someone who simply doesn’t have the bandwidth to take on anyone else’s stress.

Funny, while I never say that in answer to others problems, I often say that about my own.

This kind of statement is obviously not intended to make someone feel better. It’s purpose is to allow the recipient to put their situation into perspective.

You aren’t happy because someone else is worse off than you. You are simply aware that your situation is not as bad as others.

That being said, everyone’s problems are important to them because they are [b][u]their[/u][/b] problems.

I had a psychologist telling me that once 🤦‍♂️

My response is always like what about those others what are they supposed to do? What am I supposed to know with this "very smart" observation.

Reminds me of this weird man who kept talking to me and my sister about his daughter and at the end he says "girls are girls and boys are boys". No shit lol

It doesn't help. It's a horrible thing for someone to say. It's just a way for the person who says this to deny your pain so they don't feel uncomfortable, or deal with your distress.

And I bet the person who says something like that would be the first to complain when something happens to them 😡😡

Seems far to often from a psychology standpoint that those whom confuse sympathy and support with a " knowing" acknowledgement do so often self consciously yet selfishly. Such as.."You will", "you should" and " I know exactly how you feel". Studied these very patterns in course work oddly enough.

I usually reply "yes, but there are also many for whom life's going better". And at that point either they realize it was a poor point to make, they get legit weirded out / don't know how to reply, or (and probably my favorite) they get irritated lol

More platitudes! I’m so tired of hearing how to feel, how things will get better, how people have it worse, how your never given more than you can handle, thoughts and prayers plus God has a better plan. 🤬

It's not just useless, it makes things feel worse.
1. It effectively minimises and invalidates your feelings.
2. Congratulations, you can now feel guilty for having an emotional response.
3. It shuts you down.
4. It does nothing to acknowledge your feelings, support you, recognise you, help you.
5. Fail.

If you have access to HBO I highly recommend watching Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. A seriously good exposition to improve emotional intelligence - both for understanding and interpreting your own experience meaningfully - and being able to support others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl776nCdIe0

Yeah it kind of carries a " you should be ashamed of yourself" vibe, which is the last thing you need when you're struggling.

"Why would that make you feel better ?"
No, not at all, IMO nonsense.

With perhaps not a set of exceptions but.....something.
- If the situation of the one(s) being worst should become a priority for also myself, so there is something to do (or not to) for that other(s) sake.
- If the specific nature (rather than how much is) of the other(s)'s one pain can make me put my own in some kind of explanatory perspective that may help me to do something about.

Of course and otherwise I agree with you.

People are mental.
We mean well but we can't find or know the right things to say or not to say,
words are odd creatures.

See, in this case for example, it'd be so much better to be empathic, like Deanna Troi or better yet her mother who is a full Betazoid , Lwaxana Troi .
Lwaxana is a full empath, whereas her daughter Deanna, who is half human, is therefore half empathic.

Yeah, Ive never seen suffering as a competitive sport

People think they're being helpful by trying to contextualize it and tell you not to feel bad. It's generally not from a place of malice but it's SO awful to hear.

Not only does it fail to validate you, but it makes you feel worse and -guilty- for feeling bad.

Your feelings are valid. Bad times are allowed to be bad.

They might be trying to put it in perspective about the scope of the problems in the world. Sometimes people say that to people who's problems are always catastrophic to them, but in reality, everyone goes through their own problems in their own way.

Nope, doesn't help in the least.

You make a lot of sense. I think people don’t think before saying that. Because being caught off guard or just uncomfortable of the situation and blurt that out I really don’t know but now maybe you have brought that out for all to see it may not be used as often

It’s dismissive and makes people feel guilty for having feelings. Instead of making you feel better you shame yourself and learn not to share with that person as much, which maybe, is kinda what they wanted

I can't tolerate people who say stupid things like that. So insensitive and thoughtless. I think they spew it because they don't know what to say and how to just hold space with love and show empathy.

It's about shaming, that's all. The motives, however, vary. My favorite motive is, "How dare you take attention away from me!"

It's not comforting; it's rude and insensitive. The only thing it might change is how I feel about the person who said it.

It doesn't change anything...[b]its a matter of perspective[/b].
Except your losses and move on.

[media=https://youtu.be/eSdItuvBxc8]

It shows an overbearing side of that person saying such a cold and numb thing.

I never thought of feeling better that someone is worse off than you lol.

Absolute truth bb,Good Bless and merry christmas 👍

It makes no sense because it would make some people feel worse. 🤔 🙂

I totally agree with this

Agree. That’s not inspiring at all.

I completely agree.

I agree, very poor words.

[media=https://youtu.be/VKHFZBUTA4k]

No it's absolutely crappy. Makes you feel like your feelings are not valuable and that makes the situation worse.

If someone else says it to me, I don't find it comforting. But for myself, I do find it helpful to recognise things could be worse for me, but I think of it more as a gratitude thing. Like I am very grateful for what I do have, and have accomplished. Even if it's not much

I recognise I could be sleeping outside in the snow etc... Doesn't make me feel better that people are, but grateful that I'm not

It doesn't make things perfect, but makes them tolerable when I am really feeling low

No feelings what so ever.

I hate that so much. Our experiences are unique or ourselves so it’s not helpful in any way.

exactly 😂 a failed attempt at providing perspective

last year there was a meme: a little girl asks her mother 'what's wrong' - the mother replies 'i'm late for work, i have to pick up the dry cleaning and i can't decide what to do about grandmas illness'. that's just 3 things - replied the girl lol 😂 and the mother was grateful for the perspective of her daughter (high locust of control - you are in control and can change life for the better - you got this!)