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Here we go again...

New doc found some concerning lumps and swollen lymph nodes. She was shocked my oncologist didn't have me get a PET scan when they found cancer before. So now I have to wait another month, because healthcare is bullshit in this area, for an ultrasound, because insurance won't allow my new primary to order a PET scan without an ultrasound first... Even though I already had cancer...

I didn't sleep at all last night.

Trying super hard to not feel sorry for myself but god damn.

I'd give anything for five minutes with my Mom. To hold her again and here her say, it'll be okay baby.

But I don't know if it's going to be okay. I don't know anymore. I feel like my life is a losing battle. No matter how hard I try, I don't matter. I matter to my son, but I'm just another cadaver walking in the medical system. I have zero support. At this point, who tf would be my friend? I'm just problems and sadness. I don't want to be, but because I am I know I have to stay away from people. I'll be too much.

If I die, my son will only have his shit father.

What is life anyway? What's it like to have parents? Family? Support? A body that isn't trying to destroy itself? What's it like to sleep at night knowing you're going to wake up tomorrow and live? Without pain and fear? Around people that care?

I'm trying to focus on what I do have, but it breaks my heart, because if I leave my son, what's he gonna have?
Ontheroad · M
Well, horse pucky! I'm going to believe it will all turn out okay and you'll live a long and beautiful life with your wonderful son.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Ontheroad I really don't want it to be cancer, but I believe whatever it is, I'll deal with it.
Sometimes there are really no words so I’m just gonna virtual hug you really, really hard. ❤️
I teared up reading this, and im not a crier. I can understand so much of your thoughts about what would happen to your baby if youre no longer here. I am really sorry that you are going through all of this again. :(
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@MyMonstersAreReal I will fight for him with all I have. I just don't understand when it will stop. I just want it to stop.
FreeSpirit1 · 51-55, F
Sending positive vibes it's nothing and hugs for you and your little man, stay strong babe
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@FreeSpirit1 Thank you 🖤
Straylight · 31-35, F
Hold out for him at least. Today may seem like too much, but tomorrow could change everything. I know it’s hard to believe when the past looks so bleak, but I truly believe the future holds something special.
Barefooter25 · 46-50, M
I'm so sorry for what has happened. The best thing you can do is remain confident for you and your son. Our prayers and best wishes to you. 🙏✨
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Barefooter25 Thank you. I'm holding onto the possibility its something less serious. But having just been through the cancer thing, I really wish my oncologist had been more thorough. Just makes me feel worthless.
Barefooter25 · 46-50, M
@AlchemyFox I'm sorry to say this but the medical field is becoming totally worthless these days. MDs look at you today as a number or an item instead of a actual person.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Barefooter25 I can 100% attest to that
fun4us2b · M
So sorry - I so hope this turns out to be nothing.

Can you ask the oncologist to write the referral for the PET scan now?

Does your Doctor know or are you dealing with receptionist? If not, you should try to email them.

Also, do you know if an Urgent care can do it and if the insurance would accept those results?

Apologies if those are stupid or redundant - but I always like to shake the tree to find a way....
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@fun4us2b I mean it's something.

But I wonder if it's too late to go to the walk-in now that I have imaging orders in? I could always say it hurts worse. Or expedite it further and go to the ER. But then I'm stuck away from home and I've got my boy to look after.

My oncologist was basically just a surgeon. One who provided zero care for anything other than the surgeries. I didn't even get the rundown on how fucked up my hormones would be. He didn't care about the infections after surgery. And walk-in was getting sick of me, but I didn't know how else to get treatment.

It is strange, especially at my age, to not be taken seriously. Like I'm invincible because I'm younger than everyone else in the waiting room.
fun4us2b · M
@AlchemyFox ER vs Walk-in you have to weigh the pros/cons - my knowledge of ER is the wait and expenses are longer and bigger - but, if you get a good Dr they can really help...vs. the walk-in but if this is just a stop gap to check the box, it might be more efficient.

People in healthcare have seen and heard a lot so they need to grow a thick skin - some are better at dealing with it than others - and it shows... I hope you run into some caring folks on this journey.
My condolences, you can have my support if you want it. Sorry you are having to go through this
Damn, no words i have can help but thinking of you and your son.
Banksy83 · 36-40, M
🎚️Wishing you the very best for the future. I will pray for you at church on Sunday if I dont burst into flames on entering, I mean it Im going to church to pray for you.❤️
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Banksy83 you can pray anywhere. Don't burst into flames please 🥺
Banksy83 · 36-40, M
@AlchemyFox I was joking, I'll light a candle as well 🫂
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@Banksy83 thank you. I'll light one too
Fentonisfree · 51-55, MVIP
All the best, take care of yourself, wish you a speedy recovery

BLP11520 · 61-69, M
I am so sorry you have to deal with this 🫂
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
Idk what to say. This is too sad.
AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@SinlessOnslaught I'm lost dude
You don’t deserve this😘
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
I'm so sorry to hear that, here for you.
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
I am so sorry this is happening. I am going to hold out hope that it’s not cancer.

I am sorry that doctor didn’t send you for a pet scan, that’s ridiculous.
samanthaX · 41-45, T
I wish I could help you darling
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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@AlchemyFox He should have done that the day he got the report back. This is nonsense to treat patients this way. And insurance companies take their time approving of tests and scans too. Then the medical providers have to go round and round with some of the treatments as though they weren’t necessary. If they are stubborn enough they will finally pay them. I have had 4 different items that the insurance company didn’t want to pay, thousands of dollars for each one. Got a notice about one that was done in September. Called the hospital customer service department and they said they are still negotiating with the insurance company.
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cherokeepatti · 61-69, F
@AlchemyFox I’m thinking now that mine wishes I would die already. I know they’ve paid out a lot already but why go half-way and give up?
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AlchemyFox · 36-40, F
@JimboSaturn What the hell??? Honestly I have no faith in the medical industry. So much of the docs decisions are dictated by insurance. And they blow off things they really shouldn't. Why? I don't know. Why the hell would they not do everything they can? They barely lift a finger.

I refuse to see a male doctor anymore. I ask for female and prefer a NP over an MD. Nurses actually listen.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
@AlchemyFox The surgeon (male) wrote on his notes that taking it all out was pointless since she is stage 4. (We can get the documents online in Canada). Even though we have health care and don't have to pay, it is still vulnerable to incompetence or indifference. The coordinator also didn't set up the surgery when she should and it's urgent it happens in a certain period after the chemo. REally? are you trying to kill my wife?
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