Here we go again...

New doc found some concerning lumps and swollen lymph nodes. She was shocked my oncologist didn't have me get a PET scan when they found cancer before. So now I have to wait another month, because healthcare is bullshit in this area, for an ultrasound, because insurance won't allow my new primary to order a PET scan without an ultrasound first... Even though I already had cancer...

I didn't sleep at all last night.

Trying super hard to not feel sorry for myself but god damn.

I'd give anything for five minutes with my Mom. To hold her again and here her say, it'll be okay baby.

But I don't know if it's going to be okay. I don't know anymore. I feel like my life is a losing battle. No matter how hard I try, I don't matter. I matter to my son, but I'm just another cadaver walking in the medical system. I have zero support. At this point, who tf would be my friend? I'm just problems and sadness. I don't want to be, but because I am I know I have to stay away from people. I'll be too much.

If I die, my son will only have his shit father.

What is life anyway? What's it like to have parents? Family? Support? A body that isn't trying to destroy itself? What's it like to sleep at night knowing you're going to wake up tomorrow and live? Without pain and fear? Around people that care?

I'm trying to focus on what I do have, but it breaks my heart, because if I leave my son, what's he gonna have?

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fun4us2b · M

So sorry - I so hope this turns out to be nothing.

Can you ask the oncologist to write the referral for the PET scan now?

Does your Doctor know or are you dealing with receptionist? If not, you should try to email them.

Also, do you know if an Urgent care can do it and if the insurance would accept those results?

Apologies if those are stupid or redundant - but I always like to shake the tree to find a way....

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

@fun4us2b I mean it's something.

But I wonder if it's too late to go to the walk-in now that I have imaging orders in? I could always say it hurts worse. Or expedite it further and go to the ER. But then I'm stuck away from home and I've got my boy to look after.

My oncologist was basically just a surgeon. One who provided zero care for anything other than the surgeries. I didn't even get the rundown on how fucked up my hormones would be. He didn't care about the infections after surgery. And walk-in was getting sick of me, but I didn't know how else to get treatment.

It is strange, especially at my age, to not be taken seriously. Like I'm invincible because I'm younger than everyone else in the waiting room.

fun4us2b · M

@AlchemyFox ER vs Walk-in you have to weigh the pros/cons - my knowledge of ER is the wait and expenses are longer and bigger - but, if you get a good Dr they can really help...vs. the walk-in but if this is just a stop gap to check the box, it might be more efficient.

People in healthcare have seen and heard a lot so they need to grow a thick skin - some are better at dealing with it than others - and it shows... I hope you run into some caring folks on this journey.