What do i do?
My grandfather was diagnosed with a bad cancer , it is already kinda spread .my mother is crying and feeling hopeless , what do i do to make her just a little better ? Im feeling so weak right now .
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Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@Gretel The thing about death is that the amount of grief a person feels depends on who dies. I think the #1 is when a long-time spouse dies, followed by one's children, then one's parents, and one's siblings. It tends to fall off after that. When you hear about a stranger's death you don't even think about it. Sure, you will be sad when your grandfather dies but you won't flip out over it. Your mother's death will affect you far more.
As a practical suggestion, you may want to urge your mother to collect all of her father's bills, debts, and insurances so that she will get an idea of what she will be faced with. It is also a good idea to write the basic obituary and to review funeral plans. Those things are very hard to deal with when someone dies so it is better to resolve them beforehand. Of course, a lot depends on the current living arrangements, such as are you all in the same house or do you live in different cities or States? And be sure to get about two dozen death certificates because you need one for closing out each of his accounts and bills.
As a practical suggestion, you may want to urge your mother to collect all of her father's bills, debts, and insurances so that she will get an idea of what she will be faced with. It is also a good idea to write the basic obituary and to review funeral plans. Those things are very hard to deal with when someone dies so it is better to resolve them beforehand. Of course, a lot depends on the current living arrangements, such as are you all in the same house or do you live in different cities or States? And be sure to get about two dozen death certificates because you need one for closing out each of his accounts and bills.
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Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@sree251 [quote]@Diotrephes You said: "It may be a good idea to verify that for one's particular jurisdiction."
Verify what? Grandpa will be clear of all liabilities once he get's across the Rio Grande in the sky. Uncle Sam has no jurisdiction.
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Maybe others will be willing to share their experiences with this issue.
Verify what? Grandpa will be clear of all liabilities once he get's across the Rio Grande in the sky. Uncle Sam has no jurisdiction.
[/quote]
Maybe others will be willing to share their experiences with this issue.
sree251 · 41-45, M
@Diotrephes You said: "Maybe others will be willing to share their experiences with this issue."
When grandpa dies, just walk away. You are clear. I guarantee it. Uncle Sam will have to eat his debts and pay for his burial. Things are different in China: family responsibility applies there. Even if grandpa had committed a crime and executed by firing squad, the family has to pay the bill for the bullets.
When grandpa dies, just walk away. You are clear. I guarantee it. Uncle Sam will have to eat his debts and pay for his burial. Things are different in China: family responsibility applies there. Even if grandpa had committed a crime and executed by firing squad, the family has to pay the bill for the bullets.
What I found to be helpful was when those around me could keep life as normal as possible.
No screaming at me to "Just cry already" or "Get a grip" because I was expected to behave in xyz way - grief can be weird at times... and, in my case, I think I did my grieving for my mother when she gathered us all together that January day to tell us that she had Stage 4 lung cancer.
Accept that I might be snappy or randomly choked up and don't take it personally... others having a go at me made things 10x worse for me.
No screaming at me to "Just cry already" or "Get a grip" because I was expected to behave in xyz way - grief can be weird at times... and, in my case, I think I did my grieving for my mother when she gathered us all together that January day to tell us that she had Stage 4 lung cancer.
Accept that I might be snappy or randomly choked up and don't take it personally... others having a go at me made things 10x worse for me.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
dancingtongue · 80-89, M
Take your cues from them. As hard as it is for you to process, it is harder for both of them and feeling they have to put on a brave front, or respond to the continual attention of others is not necessarily helpful as well-meaning as it may be. Don't know the living arrangements, but if appropriate look for chores -- cleaning, cooking, etc. -- you can step in and do without being asked (unless doing those chores are one way either is using to try and distract themselves).
Richard65 · M
Let her cry, it's part of the process and is healthy under the circumstances and much better than bottling it up. We've all lost someone dear to us, so we do know what it feels like. You will be a comfort to your mum, even if you don't think you are. It's okay for you to cry too.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M